I often wondered about it, especially in the early going, how I would feel when I got the news that my ex-Narcissist ended his relationship, with the woman he left me for. There was never any question of it happening, only of how and when. I knew him. I knew his patterns, how he thought and operated. Hell, I even started a blog on it.

Reactivity, it’s a byproduct of being involved with an emotional manipulator. It’s an unhealthy response to a person’s dysfunctional behavior, that causes us distress. A behavior is hyper-reactive when it is over the top and out of character for the individual.

Back in our parent’s day, men chased women. Women had the goods, men wanted the goods, so they pursued. That’s just the way it was.  Times are very different now, the need to pursue is simply, just, antiquated thinking. “The goods” are a lot more easily acquired and with the simplicity of finding a mate online, you can pick and choose which relationships you want to put your energy into.

It’s no surprise that when you lack confidence, believe that you aren’t worthy of greatness, don’t focus on yourself or your goals and have a built in self-sabotage mechanism, that success eludes a great many Codependents.

Not all Codependents however suffer from these pitfalls, those who were praised for their intelligence, or had some special gift that made the family look good, learned quickly that in order to get the attention and affection, they had to turn up their skills juice.

As the new year begins, it’s time to say goodbye to old, unhealthy behaviors, that have kept you stuck in toxic relationships and from living happy, authentic lives.  Kicking Codependency is really about changing your relationship with yourself. It’s important that you replace your old ways of thinking and acting and implement more positive and healthy behaviors. Print out the list below and refer to it anytime you feel yourself reverting back to your old coping mechanisms.

How do Codependents handle conflict? Generally, not well. When dealing with topics, or individuals that push their emotional buttons, a codependent’s process takes on one of two forms. It’s either reactionary, or total avoidance. This stems from growing up in an environment where free expression was not welcomed, but punished or demeaned, important issues were never discussed and where boundaries were non-existent.

Reactivity

About this time of year, we are inundated with happy Christmas movies – the plot is usually something like a family encounters a crisis and needs to work together to get through it and in the end the experience has brought everyone together, where they are a lot closer and everyone has learned something important about the other and the true meaning of Christmas.