As the new year begins, it’s time to say goodbye to old, unhealthy behaviors, that have kept you stuck in toxic relationships and from living happy, authentic lives.  Kicking Codependency is really about changing your relationship with yourself. It’s important that you replace your old ways of thinking and acting and implement more positive and healthy behaviors. Print out the list below and refer to it anytime you feel yourself reverting back to your old coping mechanisms.

How do Codependents handle conflict? Generally, not well. When dealing with topics, or individuals that push their emotional buttons, a codependent’s process takes on one of two forms. It’s either reactionary, or total avoidance. This stems from growing up in an environment where free expression was not welcomed, but punished or demeaned, important issues were never discussed and where boundaries were non-existent.

Reactivity

About this time of year, we are inundated with happy Christmas movies – the plot is usually something like a family encounters a crisis and needs to work together to get through it and in the end the experience has brought everyone together, where they are a lot closer and everyone has learned something important about the other and the true meaning of Christmas.

Codependents have a great difficulty differentiating between healthy coping mechanisms and dysfunctional behavior. They tend to act on their childhood conditioning, which basically has the wounded child running the show,

When raised by an emotional manipulator, a codependent will often find themselves battling uncertainty and

“It is only in being stepped on that we have no choice but to learn to stand up for ourselves.” -unknown

Imagine for a moment that the purpose for every single one of us, was to learn, to grow and to become more God like. Imagine also, that we got to decide what lessons we learned, what parents we’d have, what bodies we’d live in, what obstacles we’d face and what people we would encounter.

In August 2005 Hurricane Katrina hit the east coast of the United States. It is considered to be among the costliest and deadliest Hurricanes of all time. With maximum wind speeds up to 175 mph, it’s no surprise that much of the east coast, was devastated. Homes that had sat along the coastline of Mississippi for centuries, were gone in an instant, the only thing that remained were the trees.

If we can take a cue from nature it would be that those with the deepest and most secure roots can endure even the gravest of circumstances and all that is flashy and without substance can be gone in an instant.

“Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your hand-break on.” – Maxwell Maltz

When you don’t think very much of yourself it shows. It puts you at a great disadvantage in every aspect of your life. Those with low self-esteem tend to be approval seeking, and experience fear and anxiety when they feel that they are being judged by others. They are highly critical of themselves, have poor self-talk, doubt their abilities, believe that being themselves isn’t good enough and engage in self-harming behaviors.