Posts

My Ayahuasca Experience

“I’m headed to California in a few days, so I just wanted to know if you could feed and water…

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Are You the Family Shit Receptacle?

It’s a provocative headline for sure, what I mean by “family shit receptacle,” is that often, within toxic families, there’s…

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Learning How to Deal With Conflict

Wow, that escalated quickly! You never meant for your conversation to get so heated. You were just trying to get…

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Dealing with Chronic Loneliness

Congratulations, you’ve done it. You’ve travelled down the path of healing and eliminated all those toxic people from the front…

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Two Tips For Battling Codependency

Much of my Skype sessions with clients revolve around teaching people how to reprogram their thinking and to create a…

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Am I Codependent? The Nuances of Codependency

Clinicians have had a hard time defining Codependency. Dr. John Friel and his wife Linda define it as, “A dysfunctional…

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Is Covid Forcing Narcissists To Make Contact With Their Exes?

No one does self-preservation better than a Narcissist and perhaps it’s for this reason, that Covid has really disrupted their…

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The Love Language of the Codependent

I recently read Gary Chapman’s best-selling book, The 5 Love Languages. In it, he lists what he believes are the…

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Putting the Focus on You – Where it Should Always Be

The road to healing from Codependency is filled with a lot of twists and turns and sometimes deep, deep pot…

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Having a Big Heart vs Being Empathic Know the Difference

I dislike the term Empath. You see it everywhere. It’s supposed to signify a special mystical talent that makes you…

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Do You Know How to Love?: Learning How to Let Love In

Do you think that love is easy, or do you think love is hard, maybe even impossible? Many of us…

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Your Mental Attitude is the Key to Your Success

I took a month off from blogging so that I could focus on getting a new project off the ground…

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If Life Doesn’t Give You the Family You Want, There’s Only One Thing To Do

My heartache was tangible and the air was thick with loneliness, as the sound of laughter flooded in through my…

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Choosing Limited Contact Over the Holidays

Limited Contact: A state of partial interaction, that one partakes in for certain occasions, with abusive or toxic family members,…

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Stop Care Taking and Giving It All Away

When I met my long-term Narcissist I was in my mid to late 20’s and after receiving my University degree…

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Dating After Narcissistic Abuse: How Do You Qualify Your Dates?

Ten years ago, I tried to get back into the dating pool after being unceremoniously kicked to the curb by…

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Your Relationship with a Narcissist isn’t the End of Your Story

After my breakup with my long-term Narcissist I went through a phase of reaching out to people I hadn’t spoken…

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Signs You Should Not Be Dating

I sat on my client’s sofa showing them the comps in their neighborhood and explaining why it was a good…

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Reactivity and Controlling Your Emotions

When you mix Sodium (Na) and water (H2O) together you will get an explosive chemical reaction. The same thing happens…

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6 Ways to Be Committed to Your Goals

When I was a young girl, there was a TV show called Fame that aired in the 80’s. It was…

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What Do I Do With His Stuff?

 So many times a victim asks what they should do with the narcissist’s things, he has taken most of…

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Self-Esteem and Income: Do You Know How to Get What You Deserve?

We’ve been talking a lot about finances over the last few weeks and that’s because it’s a very important aspect…

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Spotting the Signs of Financial Abuse

When people think of domestic abuse, they often think of the physical, verbal, or emotional forms of it. Rarely does…

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Narcissists and Protecting Your Finances

My best friend and I were preparing dinner for her mother this weekend for Mother’s Day and we got on…

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Narcissists and the Unbreakable Connection

I was reading comments on the Support Forum and several of the “victims” were discussing the telepathic connection they have…

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It All Begins with Self-Love

Ingrid Roekke once said, “A child that is being abused doesn’t stop loving it’s parents, it stops loving itself.” A…

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How to Help Someone Who’s Involved with a Narcissist

What to do if you suspect someone you know is involved with a narcissist: First of all let’s cover the…

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The Heart Wants What the Heart Wants – What?

Just follow your heart or the heart wants what it wants are phrases that get tossed around a lot, and…

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3 Behaviors of Self-Love

We have heard the phrase “love yourself first” ad nauseum and many of us can believe that we’re living this…

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Going to Voicemail: Dating and Appropriate Cell Phone Etiquette

Wallet … check. Car keys … check. Cell phone … check. These items are just a few of the essentials…

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Emotional Manipulators and Love Bombing

Love Bomb: A psychological technique used by emotional manipulators to exert control over their love interests, by administering intense praise,…

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Growing Up Without Guidance: Learning How To Make Decisions and Becoming Your Own Cheerleader

I spent some time this weekend with my brother Michael and it was very touching to watch him teach his…

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Codependency and Your Reaction Style?

“When you react, you let others control you. When you respond, you are in control.”– Bohdi Sanders  How you behave…

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The Arrogance of the Narcissist

Shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes. – DSM IV, NPD Criteria if you’ve ever seen a somatic Narcissist walk past…

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Narcissists and Envy the Foundation for Evil

Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her – DSM 4 When Jealousy…

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The Narcissist’s Defining Feature: A Lack of Empathy

Empathy is the ability to comprehend the feelings of another; to put yourself in someone else’s shoes. For a Narcissist…

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The Exploitative Nature of the Narcissist

Is interpersonally exploitative, i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends. – DSM4 When a parasite…

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The Narcissist’s Sense of Entitlement

Has a sense of entitlement, i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations. …

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The Narcissist’s Need for Attention is At the Heart of the Disorder

Requires excessive admiration – DSM IV The need for attention and admiration is really at the crux of Narcissism.  A…

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The Dismissive Qualities of the Narcissist

Many victims of Narcissistic abuse have spent sleepless nights agonizing over their Narcissist’s behavior. They get tripped up on trying to decipher intent and motive. The problem with that is, very often, a Narcissist’s behavior isn’t logical. It defies the laws of common sense and decency and for a non-Narcissist it’s very difficult to figure out.

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The Fantasy Life of the Narcissist, Where Perception is More Important Than Truth

*Preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love – NPD criteria DSM4 Have you ever had…

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Resist the Urge to Over-Give During the Holidays In order to Win Someone’s Approval

There is a great misconception amongst Codependents and that is – I can win the approval of people who don’t…

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A Codependent’s Guide to Surviving the Holidays

Loneliness is difficult at the best of times, but during the holidays, being alone can be excruciating for those attempting to…

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Letting Go of Shame: Learning How to Wear Yourself Loudly and Proudly

She walked into the seminar room with her head held high. She was wearing a grey business suit with a…

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Know the Narcissist: The Narcissist’s Self-Importance and Grandiosity

Feels grandiose and self-important (e.g., exaggerates accomplishments, talents, skills, contacts, and personality traits to the point of lying, demands to…

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Gratitude: A Necessary Ingredient to Healing and Moving On

It’s normal to be sad after a break-up. They hurt after all. What adds to the anguish, though, is the…

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Dealing with Obsessive Thoughts During Your Break-Up

You’re sitting at your desk at work, trying to concentrate and there it is, that old familiar feeling you know…

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Are You an Emotional Absorber?

Once a person has gone through the process of ridding themselves of the toxic people in their lives, they will…

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The Things We Do For Love

At the age of 23, Karla Homulka was arrested, along with her husband, Paul Bernardo, for the murders of 3…

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The Journey of Self-Discovery: The Space Between Who You Were and Who You’re Becoming

If you’re lucky, you will reach a moment, when you realize, that the life you’ve been living isn’t working. Where…

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A Beautiful Message From Beyond

I’ve always had a contentious relationship with my mother.  I grew up knowing that I wasn’t wanted. The theme of…

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When Silence Speaks Louder Than Words

“What other people think of you is none of your business.” – Wayne Dyer “I don’t care what you think.”…

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The Narcissist’s Fishbowl vs. Inner Peace

When you are in a place of needing someone to the point of obsession you are on very dangerous ground….

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Key Points to Remember on Learning to Self-Validate

One of the tell-tale signs of low self-esteem is how one reacts to rejection. Do you pick up and move…

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A Relationship Without Empathy

So much time, energy and emotion is spent trying to understand why emotional manipulators do what they do. The answer…

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The Relationship Patterns of the Narcissist: Know the Signs

“Just because something isn’t a lie does not mean that it isn’t deceptive. A liar knows that he is a…

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Co-Parenting with a Narcissist. Is it Possible?

By spending holiday’s together, taking family trips, and outwardly expressing love and respect, celebrity co-parenting really looks awesome. Unfortunately, it’s…

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The Physical Side of Self-Care

Is it the chicken or the egg? Do you love yourself first and then act like it, or do you…

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The Ugly Side of Healing

Healing isn’t for the faint of heart.  It’s hard work. In fact, it’s up there, amongst the hardest work you…

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Self-Trust: A Pillar of Self-Esteem

At the heart of self-esteem is action. It’s the implementation of self-care behaviors, that determine how one values themselves. What…

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Breaking the Love Addiction: Surviving No Contact

The Law of Addiction: Any re-engagement with an addictive substance, by a recovering addict, will cause an automatic re-addiction. Implementing…

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Break-Up Styles: How You Respond After a Break-Up Says A Lot About Your Mental Health

Breaking up is hard to do. Unrequited love has inspired more works of art than anything else on earth. For…

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Dating 101 For Codependents

Many recovering Codependents find themselves completely uninterested in starting a new relationship. They struggle with the fear of being powerless…

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Self-Acceptance: A Pillar of Self-Esteem

“Self-Acceptance is my refusal to be in an adversarial relationship with myself.”   -Nathaniel Brandon Toxic shame comes from growing up…

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Dealing with Betrayal

“Those who don’t know the value of loyalty can never understand the cost of betrayal.”  – Unknown The worst part…

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The Recurring Psychopath

I have a long history of dating dysfunctional people. The one thing I could always be sure of is if…

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Self-Assertiveness: One of the Pillars to Self-Esteem

“If they aren’t treating you right, it’s time to stop blaming them. If you don’t want to be a doormat,…

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Narcissists, Superficiality, Mixed Signals and Ambiguity

Dating a Narcissist is like watching someone on a job interview. The initial impression is great. They’re charismatic, witty and…

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How to Cultivate Self-Worth: Becoming a Person of Value

I found a neat little App on Facebook last week. You input a picture of yourself and it makes your…

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How to Hurt A Narcissist

If you want to hurt someone, you have to first know what they care about and what they’re afraid of….

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Self-Esteem and Setting the Bar High

“If you don’t set a baseline standard for what you’ll accept in life, you’ll find it’s easy to slip into…

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Codependency: When You’re Emotionally Unavailable

Codependents want love. They seek it above all things. When parents teach their children that they are unlovable, it becomes…

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Codependency and Dealing with Emotional Disruptors

At this stage of my healing, I believe that maintaining my inner peace and my level of positivity is essential…

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Narcissism and Self-Enhancement: When the Narcissist Leaves the Other Woman

I often wondered about it, especially in the early going, how I would feel when I got the news that…

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When Your Behavior Tells You It’s Time to End It: Codependency and Hyper-Reactivity

Reactivity, it’s a byproduct of being involved with an emotional manipulator. It’s an unhealthy response to a person’s dysfunctional behavior,…

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Chasing the Narcissist

Back in our parent’s day, men chased women. Women had the goods, men wanted the goods, so they pursued. That’s…

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7 Steps to Achieving Your Goals in 2018

It’s no surprise that when you lack confidence, believe that you aren’t worthy of greatness, don’t focus on yourself or…

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10 Steps to Kicking Codependency in 2018

As the new year begins, it’s time to say goodbye to old, unhealthy behaviors, that have kept you stuck in…

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Codependency and Dealing with Conflict

How do Codependents handle conflict? Generally, not well. When dealing with topics, or individuals that push their emotional buttons, a…

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The Pitfalls of Going No Contact for the Holidays with your Family

About this time of year, we are inundated with happy Christmas movies – the plot is usually something like a…

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The Boundary Between Enough and Too Much: Do You Know Where to Draw the Line?

Codependents have a great difficulty differentiating between healthy coping mechanisms and dysfunctional behavior. They tend to act on their childhood…

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The Soul Contract: Maybe We’ve Been Looking At Break-Ups Totally Wrong

“It is only in being stepped on that we have no choice but to learn to stand up for ourselves.”…

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Who Are You?: Knowing Your True Self is Step One to Rebuilding Your Life

In August 2005 Hurricane Katrina hit the east coast of the United States. It is considered to be among the…

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I Hate Me, Let Me Count the Ways: Overcoming Self-Hatred

“Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your hand-break on.” – Maxwell Maltz When you don’t think very much…

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The Majesty of Rock Bottom: The Universe’s Ultimate Cleanse

“There is a profound stillness at rock bottom. It’s very quiet and there is no one around to distract you….

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Life As the Scapegoat in Emotionally Unhealthy Families

Scapegoat:  The problem child, or the trouble maker in the family. They stand out from their Golden Child and Peace…

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Finding Your Bliss

My brother has a decent job with the government, his wife is an architect. They have an expensive house, situated…

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“Why Don’t You Just Leave?”: Understanding The Hooks In Abusive Relationships

“Until we make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.” – Carl Jung…

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Learning How to Love Healthy is Like Learning How to Eat Healthy

“I don’t want to be in another relationship….ever.” This is one of the most common statements I hear from clients,…

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Dealing with Self-Sabotage and Life’s Bumps in the Road

“Self-sabotage is like a game of mental tug-of-war. It’s the subconscious mind vs the conscious mind, where the subconscious usually…

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Rethinking Our Beliefs on Aging and Sexuality

My 60-year-old aunt said, as she took my teenage hands in hers, “Look at her hands.” I looked down at…

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Codependency and Challenging Your Attachment Style

Most of our behaviors and motivations are subconscious. We don’t think too much about where our thoughts and feelings come…

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Conquering Codependency: Developing the Warrior Ethos

A warrior is someone who understands the significance of battle. They know what it takes to win. They understand the…

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Doing Right By You is Often Not the Easiest Road

Conquering Codependency is akin to maneuvering through a battle field. You have to constantly be mindful of where you are,…

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Signs You’re Caught in a Narcissist’s Trap

A Narcissistic relationship thrives in an environment of doubt, secrecy and fear. They engage in a plethora of behaviors designed…

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The Narcissist’s Exaggerated Sense of Self-Importance

A lot of people get taken in by the facade and the bravado displayed by the Narcissists in their lives….

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Ask Sav: Best Questions of the Month

Unfortunately, I don’t have the time to get back to all the questions I receive every day. Here’s a few…

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The Path To Self-Love

Learning to love yourself is among the most important work you will ever do here on this earth. When you…

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Self-Care and Happiness: When You’re Right Your World is Right

In Napoleon Hill and W. Clement Stone’s ground breaking book, Success Through A Positive Mental Attitude, the authors depict a…

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When the One You Love Doesn’t Love You

Movies, television, music, poems and plays have forever romanticized the concept of unrequited love. While the notion of a broken…

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Narcissists,Codependents and Speeding Through the Dating Process

A relationship usually goes through 4 stages. First you have two single people, next is dating, followed by a committed…

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Narcissists, Triangulation and Impossible Choices

Invoking jealousy, creating drama and forcing their partners to make impossible choices are just a few of the ways a Narcissist gets…

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Manifesting the Life You Want Through Self-Hypnosis

“Then you must make your future dream a present fact. You do this by assuming the feeling of your wish…

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How Assertive Are You?: Assertiveness Training for Codependents

I can recall, early in my dating career, many occasions where I really let myself down. There were plenty of…

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Are You a Caregiver or a Caretaker?

Kristie and Steve had been seeing each other on and off for almost 4 years. It has really been more…

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Battling Dependency and Reconnecting to You: Part 2

Last week we talked about the ways in which a Narcissist creates dependency. This week I wanted to finish off…

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How Narcissists Create Dependency: Part 1

Denial is a big part of Codependency – denial that anything is wrong, denial of your feelings, denial about your childhood,…

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Tackling Fear and Finding the Courage to Leap

“Courage is resistance to fear, not absence of fear.”  -Mark Twain  Fear, it can be debilitating. It can keep us…

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Knowing Who You Are: The Biggest Gift of All

Last weekend was my ex-Narcissist’s birthday and I’m the one that ended up with the present. Let me preface this…

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The Silent Treatment: A Narcissist’s Tool For Psychological Warfare

Ghosting, the silent treatment, the disappearing act, radio silence – no matter what you call it, when your partner makes…

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Developing Self-Esteem

For those of us who know we don’t have it, self-esteem is that ever elusive mystery quality that would magically…

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Why A Narcissist Stays With Their New Partner

None is this is fair. You didn’t deserve the way you were treated, or the way you were discarded and…

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Breaking Down the Codependent Coping Mechanism

What is wrong with my thinking? How did I get this way? How should I be reacting? These are among…

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7 Things Codependents Should Never Do In Relationships

Codependency is a disease of the self. It’s our own misinterpretation of who we really are and of our significance…

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Your Environment is a Mirror of Your Self-Esteem

I’m always on the lookout for something that inspires me and moves me into deep thought or action. A lot…

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The Importance of Positivity

Growing up I learned to see the world through a very critical lens. I came by it honestly. It was…

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Stop Making Everything Your Fault: Interrupting Your Tape

When you have one half of a couple, that takes responsibility for nothing and liberally distributes blame to the other…

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Cultivating Self-Respect

For a codependent in a relationship, there comes that inevitable moment where you realize that you have done too much,…

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Why You Should Have a Mentor

“If I have seen further, it is because I stand on the shoulders of giants.” – Isaac Newton A mentor…

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2017 The Year of You

For those of you who follow Numerology, 2016 was the last year on the current cycle. It was a 9…

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Surviving the Dysfunctional Christmas: Savannah’s Holiday Survival Tips

Christmas day, in my family, consists of the three siblings (me and two of my brothers), a few family friends and…

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Why Narcissists Ruin the Holidays

T’was the night before Christmas and all through the house, Not a narcissist was stirring, not even a text. The…

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Boundaries for Codependents

Abusers don’t like boundaries. They hinder their progress in getting what they want. Consequently, they choose their targets very carefully….

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Is it Loneliness or Dependence?: Battling Through the Hurt

“Loneliness does not come from having no people around you, but from being unable to communicate the things that are…

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Your Well-Being Is Your Responsibility

Back in the early days of my journey, every day was painful to get through. I was in a constant…

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Beware That Call In The Middle Of The Night

It was the wee hours of the night, a lot of laughs and several bottles of Chardonnay later, I found…

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Stop Trying So Hard and Learning When to Let Go

When you’re used to having to work for love you tend to be someone who doesn’t give up too easily….

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Stop Trying to Figure Them Out: Narcissists Don’t Think Like You Do

Codependency has been described as a dysfunctional relationship with the self. What that means is that the view that we…

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Getting Comfortable in Your Own Skin

“The essence of beauty doesn’t stem from the label on your clothes, the shape of your body, or the color…

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Learning How to Love Only Those That Love You

I had made of list of all the things I wanted in a man. It was great advice given to…

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Keeping Your Dignity in the Face of Injustice

Unless you live under a rock, you’ve probably heard that Angelina Jolie filed for divorce from Brad Pitt last week….

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Stop Being Other Person Focused and Let Go of the Need to Be Chosen

Losing one’s self in a relationship means willfully shedding your own identity, desires and personal goals and instead becoming consumed…

27 comments

The Subconscious Mind and Changing Your Core Beliefs

“A belief is just a thought we keep thinking.” – Esther Hicks Have you ever gotten into your car and…

17 comments

Overcoming Feelings of Helplessness: You’re More Powerful Than You Think

My relationship with my long-term Narcissist was awful. I felt like I had the weight of the world on my…

29 comments

Codependency and Dealing with Crazy People

Wayne Dyer accurately quipped that, “Some people are always looking for a reason to be offended,” and most of us don’t have…

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Looking for Love Where It Doesn’t Exist: Stop Giving Away Your Power

Sometimes when I hear someone tell their story I can’t help but cringe and think in my head, “Oh boy, this…

41 comments

Savannah’s 13 Steps to Change and Leaving Abusive Relationships

Why can’t I get over this? Why do I get sucked in every time? Why do I feel so powerless?…

21 comments

Finding Your Self-Worth

When we’re children our quest begins to look for clues and examples of how we fit into our environment and…

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Codependency and Allowing People to Experience Their Own Consequences

“My biggest pet peeve?” She was asked. “It’s people who create their own problems and then complain about the outcome,…

17 comments

Starving For Love: How Our Attachment Style Affects Our Relationships

When we talk about starving we’re usually referring to food. Imagine if you will, that you are stranded on a…

29 comments

The Effects of the Narcissist’s Disappearing Act: Operant Conditioning and Learned Helplessness

What would you do if your 11 year old daughter didn’t come home for a couple of weeks? What if…

74 comments

He Loves Me, She Loves Me Not: Interpreting Dysfunctional Relationship Behavior

There is conflicting science on whether or not happy memories are easier to recall than sad ones. Ask anyone who’s…

21 comments

Identifying and Conquering Codependent Behaviors

A big part of how I help others tackle their codependency is by identifying the behaviors that lead to self-sabotage…

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Lessons Learned From a Tennis Tournament

“Every time I step onto the court there’s a new challenge. Each opponent is different and represents a different challenge….

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Doubt, Codependency and the Law of Attraction

Doubt is like the rude uninvited guest that keeps showing up to your party. It’s the rain on your parade….

23 comments

Learning New Ways to Cope: Taming the Wounded Child

Have you ever been in a situation where you felt so emotionally vulnerable that anything that triggered one of your…

18 comments

Beating the Martyr Syndrome: Putting Yourself First

To put yourself first, to actually consider your needs above all else is inconceivable to a lot of people. Take…

10 comments

The Importance of Strategy: When Codependents Leave Their Reactions To Chance

To have a strategy is to have a plan. A map that clearly indicates how one gets from point A…

35 comments

Kicking Codependency To The Curb: Going Against the Grain – To Fix Or Not To Fix

We know that codependents develop the tendency to put others ahead of themselves. When they are faced with the prospect…

27 comments

Letting Go Of The Need To Be Perfect

For a big part of my life, I hung out on the sidelines, waiting and hoping for that one moment…

8 comments

Narcissists and the User Mentality: Investing in a Manipulator

It is the nature of the Narcissistic beast to gain at the expense of others. They are generally attracted to…

32 comments

The Missing Pieces of the Narcissist

For months I had been trying to get my long-term Narcissist to come back to me. After almost 10 years…

73 comments

When We Think We’re So Over Them That We Can Have a Relationship On Our Terms

I got home really late on Friday. When I pulled into my driveway, at about 1:00am, I noticed a familiar vehicle…

34 comments

The Importance of Keeping Your Word and Communicating Your Needs

“Be impeccable with your word,” it’s one of Miguel Ruiz’s principles to creating a happy and balanced life, which he…

9 comments

Self-Sabotage and Codependency

A lot of people want to change. They want their lives to get better. They want to leave their bad…

35 comments

What Do Codependents Look Like Really?

I went out to dinner with my neighbor recently and the topic of conversation always seems to gravitate to Narcissism and Codependency….

23 comments

The Real Self, The Ideal Self and the Codependent Self

I used to hold an image of a woman in my mind. She was me, but not me. She was…

20 comments

When You’re More Concerned with How Your Date Feels About You

So there I was sitting in my therapist’s office. It was more than a handful of years ago, therapy was…

22 comments

Why It’s Not a Good Idea to Date Immediately After You Break Up With Your Narcissist Ex

It seemed like a good idea. You’ve been pining over someone who has, in the blink of an eye, replaced…

34 comments

The Truth About Fixers, Empaths and Over-Givers

When people talk about those that help, or put others needs ahead of their own, they use words like nurturer,…

49 comments

No, He’s Not Happier with Her: Do You Want Scientific Proof?

One of the greatest fears victims of Narcissistic abuse have is the fear that their Narcissist will trot off into…

97 comments

Narcissists and Betrayal

  Betray: verb To deliver or expose to an enemy by treachery or disloyalty. To be unfaithful in guarding, maintaining,…

79 comments

The Truth About Adversity: The Will To Succeed

I love sports. I love them because they are the epitome of human endurance. They exemplify mental toughness and the…

22 comments

The Year in Review: 9 Lessons We Learned This Year

It’s that time of year when I like to look back, on the year that was, and reflect on some…

25 comments

The Great Christmas Justification and Other Holiday Nonsense

So there I was many, many moons ago, out Christmas shopping, for the love in my life. I was in…

46 comments

The Importance of Maintaining High Emotional Energy

I get downright giddy when I see something that I strongly believe in manifest in real life. I never want…

18 comments

The Importance of Releasing Your Grief Energy

In the initial stages of a break up, it’s incredibly difficult to focus on anything but the pain.  So early…

15 comments

Being Emotionally Honest Can Mean Standing Alone

A couple weeks back I had dinner with one of my cousins. She recently became aware of my blog and…

17 comments

You Don’t Need To Catch Someone in the Act, Permission, Indisputable Proof, or a Private Investigator to Break Up With Someone

“I never would have left.” That’s what I said to my long-term Narcissist, during one of my futile attempts to…

42 comments

Spotting Codependency at Work in Our Lives

I went to the grocery store last week and as I was loading my food onto the conveyor belt, at…

17 comments

Healing the Inner Child

Inside every codependent is a child, who has been mistreated, ignored, hurt, humiliated, frightened, shamed, or abused by parents, who…

23 comments

The Many Faces of Denial: It’s Not Just a River In Narcissistville

For much of my life I lived in a state of denial. Much of it was created by the Narcissists…

28 comments

Working With Your Ex-Narcissist

You can’t help but notice how charming the guy, 5 cubicles down from you, happens to be. He’s been flirting…

11 comments

Do You Need to Talk? Skype With Savannah

Hey Gang!!! Savannah here, many months ago I got an urgent email from a reader, who desperately needed to talk…

9 comments

How One Woman Broke Her Narcissist Addiction

Tina was really mad at herself. She let Mark sweet talk his way back into her heart and now he…

42 comments

How I Stopped Hating Myself

I remember thinking that there was a secret that everyone else knew except me. I thought once I figured out…

24 comments

The Power of Indifference

Earlier this week I received a copy of the magazine that an article of mine appeared in. As I was…

42 comments

The Practice of Self-Care

For many, practicing self-care is a life style change. It means giving up self-destructive habits. It’s a shift in perspective…

18 comments

Letting Go When It’s the Last Thing You Want to Do: Part 2

Sometimes our hearts haven’t quite caught up to our heads and when you throw a little physiology into the mix,…

45 comments

Letting Go When It’s the Last Thing You Want to Do: Part 1

It defies reason, logic and common sense, to want to hang on to someone, who treated you so appallingly. It’s almost…

34 comments

The Relationship You Have with Yourself: The Most Important Relationship of All

Imagine that you were in a relationship with someone you didn’t love. Imagine that you found this person to be…

17 comments

Making Molehills Out of Mountains: Minimizing Bad Behavior

We’ve all heard the phrase, you’re making mountains out of molehills, which of course means, you’re making something out to…

35 comments

Narcissists, No Contact and the Spaghetti Technique

You’ve done all the right things. You’ve broken up with your Narcissist, you’ve gone no contact and you’ve done your…

198 comments

The 7 Habits of People Who Succeed at Life

“Everything that happens to you is a reflection of what you believe about yourself. We cannot outperform our level of…

10 comments

Why Can’t I Get Over This?: The Never Ending Relationship

We’ve all experienced a break up or two at some point in our lives. They’re usually unpleasant, but eventually we…

27 comments

How The Universe Tells You It’s Time For Change

“Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness.” – Eckhart Tolle The body…

35 comments

Loyalty, Obligation and Making Your Own Rules

“Well, he wasn’t happy,” our mutual friend said with a shrug, like it made perfect sense. In my head I…

24 comments

The Day I Knew It Was Time To Say Goodbye To My Best Friend

I loved my best friend. I still do. I hope that she is happy and thriving in her life. I’m…

31 comments

We All Want Something Beautiful: Trying to Gain Self-Esteem by Proxy

There is a beauty bias in our culture. People, who possess beauty, get more advantages and more opportunities than the…

19 comments

5 Key Life Lessons I’ve Learned Along the Way

I felt stuck and uncomfortable for much of my life and as much as I tried, I couldn’t figure out a…

14 comments

But He Has So Many Good Qualities

There were two things that kept me stuck in the relationship with my boomerang Narcissist. One was the feelings it evoked…

58 comments

Cultivating the Will to Change: The Key to Motivation

Motivation, drive, desire, passion, whatever you want to call it, people have been trying to figure out how to get…

23 comments

Anxiety Kings: A Narcissist’s Inner Battle

Anxiety is a debilitating disease. It’s those oppressive thoughts and feelings that become so overwhelming that you can barely function,…

59 comments

Are You Afraid of Intimacy?

“When we protect ourselves so we won’t feel pain, that protection becomes like armor that imprisons the softness of the…

22 comments

Savannah’s Frequently Asked Questions

I get a lot of emails asking a lot of the same types of questions and so this week I…

21 comments

Letting Go of the Need to Please

We all want to be liked, it’s part of the human condition, but that need can become excessive and unhealthy…

16 comments

But We’re Just Friends: A License To Disrespect

Friendship is a relationship of mutual affection between two or more people. Friendship is a stronger form of interpersonal bond…

48 comments

Inside the Mind of a Narcissist: What’s Really Go On

“When it comes to relationships I just have two different people inside fighting for supremacy.”  – Narcissist One of the most…

116 comments

Understanding the Cheating Narcissist: Breakdown, Breakthrough and Breaking Free

If you don’t initially wish your cheating Narcissist ill will after they’ve left you for another, you are probably among…

90 comments

Are You Overly Critical?: Changing Your Childhood Schemas

“When your eye is always searching for the negative you can’t help but miss much of life’s beauty.” – S. Grey My…

20 comments

Healthy is as Healthy Does: The Behaviors of Emotionally Healthy People

What is normal? What does healthy look like? We talk a lot about being healthy on this site, but If…

36 comments

Your Relationship Behavior: A Barometer of Your Self-Esteem

We’ve all had cringe-worthy moments that we can shelve in the ‘not my finest hour’ section of our memory banks. …

45 comments

The Most Important Lesson I Ever Forgot

 “You create your own universe as you go along.” – Winston Churchill Tanya and her siblings were taken from their…

27 comments

Tools of the Trade: A Narcissists Guide to Crazy Making

A Narcissist’s greatest advantage is that their behavior is often contradictory, inconsistent and inexplicable to those closest to them. People…

85 comments

Self-Compassion: A Pillar to Healthy Living

“For some reason, we are truly convinced that if we criticize ourselves, the criticism will lead to change. If we…

15 comments

The Dance of the Manipulator and Fifty Shades of Savannah Grey

“And pity – people who inspire it in you are actually very powerful people. To get someone else to take…

40 comments

Affirmations: The Key to Changing Your Self-Talk

“I’m good enough. I’m smart enough and doggone it people like me.” – Stuart Smalley When someone mentions affirmations, the…

7 comments

Burning Your Bridges: Taking the Ability to Retreat out of Your Hands

“I can’t do it. I just can’t walk away.” “I’m not strong enough. I’m so weak.” “As soon as he…

41 comments

Ghosts of Valentine’s Day Past

The very first Valentine’s Day I spent with my Long-Term Narcissist, many, many years ago, started with him going off…

15 comments

When Your Need To Be Loved Supersedes Good Judgment: Becoming a Self-Love Warrior

We all have an innate need to love and be loved, to belong to something, a family, a circle of…

18 comments

The Obesity/Self-Esteem Dynamic

The obesity/self-esteem dynamic is a topic that doesn’t get enough attention.  Sure, there have been countless studies on how obesity affects…

16 comments

Do You Suffer From The Fixer Mentality?

Fixer: Someone who engages in relationships with dysfunctional partners, with an uncontrollable need to help, give, rescue, and recreate that…

34 comments

Getting Rid of Unwanted Thoughts and Feelings: The Emotional Freedom Technique or Tapping

I get a lot of emails from people that are suffering. They are going through so much emotional anguish and…

7 comments

The Importance of Looking Back Before We Look Forward in the New Year

The new year brings with it new challenges, new chapters and new beginnings. But before we look ahead I think…

16 comments

Narcissists and the Amazing Holiday Houdini Act

Gabriella had planned it all so perfectly. She had decorated her new condo beautifully for the holidays. All her presents were…

36 comments

Dealing with Your Narcissist and Other Toxic People over the Holidays

Most of us want to have the ‘typical’ family holiday. We want the tree, the presents, a delicious Christmas dinner…

20 comments

The Truth About Hypnosis and Savannah’s New Video

There are a lot of misconceptions about hypnosis. Many people believe that they are supposed to be completely unconscious and…

5 comments

Do You Engage in Fantasy Relationships?

Einstein said that, ‘imagination is more important than knowledge,’ and that’s true, except when it comes to our relationships. When…

27 comments

Are You Being Groomed For Abuse?

In 1977 Colleen Stan left her home in California, to attend the birthday party of one of her friends. She…

24 comments

Discipline The Key To No Contact

Willpower, determination, stick-to-itiveness, resolve, whatever you want to call it – discipline is the difference between success and giving in….

41 comments

The Objectificaiton of Women: From Exploitation to Oppression

Several weeks ago a picture of a Muslim woman, wearing a niqab, was floating around social media with the caption,…

19 comments

When You Keep Taking Them Back and the Narcissist’s Game

When your eyes first open in the morning, it’s usually because your alarm clock is making that awful aaaaaa-aaaaa-aaaaa noise….

115 comments

How To Be Happy When You’re Heartbroken

When I look back at young me, teenage me, 20 something me, I can’t help thinking, ‘man that little girl didn’t…

22 comments

Interview with a Narcissist – Part Deux: The Return of Max

When I first approached Max about doing another interview, he sounded pretty excited about it. I could tell this experience…

19 comments

So, You’re Codependent-Now What?: A Step by Step Strategy

The best blogs I have written have been ones where I’ve written straight from the heart. What I mean by…

36 comments

The Effects of Emotional Child Abuse in Adults

When I was 14 years old I met my first love. He was 18 and he was big, strong, smart…

19 comments

The Violent Narcissist: The Battle for Control

How well do you know your partner? Your best friend? Neighbor? Brother or sister-in-law? How well do we really know…

41 comments

Healthy Love vs Toxic Love: ‘The List’

Human beings are a lot less complicated than you might think . The great motivators for most people, are the desire for survival,…

7 comments

Understanding the Other Woman

“It does give you an extra bit of a thrill. It’s forbidden, so it feels a bit more naughty and…

37 comments

The Nine Signs Your Relationship is Over

We all want our relationships to workout. We’ve all grown up with the adages that relationships require work, compromise and…

9 comments

Standing On Your Own Two Feet and The Formula For Change

I went to my brother’s cottage this weekend and I got to spend some quality time with my nephews and…

16 comments

Narcissists, Online Dating and Serendipity

Imagine for a moment, that you were an emotional predator and that, in order for you to just feel normal,…

21 comments

Leaving Co-Dependency

Have you ever come across a definition or a list of symptoms, and by the time you got to the…

20 comments

Understanding the Parasitic Narcissist

Parasite: “An organism that grows, feeds, and is sheltered on, or in a different organism, while contributing nothing to the…

73 comments

Narc Busting and the Making of a Co-Dependent

I got invited to a local restaurant, to celebrate an ex-coworker’s birthday, last weekend.  I didn’t know anyone else there,…

27 comments

Forgiveness: Letting Go of Anger, Resentment and Bitterness

The whole concept of forgiveness sounds like a huge cliché doesn’t it? Somehow, by some stroke of magic, forgiving someone,…

33 comments

Learning to Trust Again Begins By Learning to Trust Yourself

“Are you sitting down?” “Yes,” I said. “What’s up?” “I logged into Pete’s Ipad and I found all these email…

16 comments

Fakebook: The Illusion of Social Media and Keeping Tabs on Your Ex

After my break-up many, many years ago, I accidently-on-purpose, came across the Facebook profile of my ex’s new woman. I…

37 comments

The Making of a Monster: Causes of NPD

Why don’t you love me? After everything I’ve done – how could you not love me? At some point, everyone…

34 comments

Becoming Visible, Picking up the Pieces & Finding You Again

I love the metamorphic dance of the butterfly. From slow, awkward, unattractive, caterpillar to elegant, graceful, beautiful, butterfly.  This dance…

26 comments

Dating after Narcissistic Abuse: Red Flags and Sav’s Dating Do’s and Don’ts

The post-date analysis was one of my favorite pastimes. It was a special time, when my girlfriends and I would…

30 comments

Confidence: A Pillar of Growth and Healthy Living

“With it, you can take on the world, without it, you live stuck at the starting block of your potential.” …

5 comments

The Pitfalls of Dating Post Narcissist

Dating is tough, even at the best of times, but when you’re trying to get back out there, after an…

18 comments

Are You Addicted to a Narcissist?: Why No Contact is the Only Way

Addiction:  a persistent, compulsive dependence on, or commitment to, a habit or practice, on a thing or substance, to the…

66 comments

Getting Rid of Limiting Beliefs: The Lefkoe Method

My cousin is the type of woman that always has a man, or it’s probably better to say, she’s the…

5 comments

Giving In the Name of Love

Alisa Valdes was living the dream. She did her undergrad at Berkley and received her Masters of Journalism at Columbia….

19 comments

Narcissism and Religion: A Perfect Match

“I would hate to have friends over, especially around dinner time. Before every meal my father would preach to us….

88 comments

The Quality of Our Lives is Determined by the Quality of Our Choices: Learning How to Make Healthy Relationship Choices

I read a quote from Anthony Robbins a couple of weeks ago and I haven’t been able to stop thinking…

25 comments

Falling in Love with Life: Being Present and Living in the Now

“If you struggle with being present in the now, you will struggle with life.” – Eckhart Tolle We all know…

16 comments

What Your Behavior Post Break-Up Really Means

We’ve all had break-up moments that we aren’t particularly proud of. You know, those scenes where we left the house,…

64 comments

Spotting a Narcissist: How to Get the Best Return on Your Emotional Investment

Dating is like investing in the stock market. We want to get the best possible return on our investment, so…

29 comments

I See Dead People…Uhhh I Mean Narcissists: Creating the Right Neural Pathways

After my long-term Narcissist and I broke up, I spent about a year and a half on self-improvement. I was…

11 comments

Growing Up Narcissist: The Narcissistic Parent and Child Abuse

Imagine growing up in an environment where rather than being loved and nurtured, you’re treated like an adversary and an…

32 comments

The Different Faces of Narcissism: Types and Sub-Types

There tends to be some confusion amongst readers on the basic template of a narcissist. I write a lot about…

87 comments

Finding the Courage to Walk Away

Your behavior, the days and weeks following a breakup with a Narcissist, sets the tone for the rest of your…

41 comments

Interview with a Narcissist

When I choose a blog topic I usually get my ideas from reader emails, research, books that I’ve read, or…

39 comments

Being Single is Not a Fatal Disease: Knowing Your Relationship Patterns

Not long ago, an acquaintance of mine ended a ten year relationship. The union was toxic and unhealthy and she…

9 comments

The You Revolution: Slaying the I’m Not Good Enough Monster

The late eighteenth century was ripe with Revolutions. There was an American Revolution and a French Revolution and even today,…

4 comments

Being Authentically You: The Truth About Not Being Good Enough

I hate myself.  I am flawed. I am unworthy. No one will ever love me and I will never be…

11 comments

Finding Purpose and Meaning in the Pain

I get a lot of emails every day and I read every single one of them. This week I received…

27 comments

Are You Mistaking Intensity for Intimacy?

In relationships, intensity can be defined as a measure or degree of emotional excitement. High intensity relationships are formed when…

22 comments

Understanding Trauma Bonds: Part 2

Exploitation usually begins with a promise. This promise can be explicitly expressed, or it can be simply implied. Patrick Carnes,…

11 comments

Why Do I Still Love Him?: Understanding Truama Bonds

In Stockholm Sweden, in 1973 a man entered a bank and took 4 bank employees hostage. He forced the employees…

24 comments

Empowerment: Taking Back Your Personal Power

Empowerment is a difficult concept to define. For me, empowerment means strength, courage, will, determination, confidence, autonomy and freedom, but…

15 comments

Give Yourself a Gift This Holiday Season: A Lesson in No Contact

The holidays are a great occasion to spend time with family, friends and loved ones, but they can also be…

24 comments

The True Cost of Staying in an Abusive Relationship: When You Believe You Can’t Do Any Better

A lot of people stay in unhealthy relationships because they have developed a belief that they can’t get another mate….

10 comments

Raising Your Standards in Relationships

A lot of people drift in and out of relationships without any preexisting expectations. Our expectations are our standards and…

16 comments

Do You Control Your Emotions or Do Your Emotions Control You?: Developing Mental Toughness

A few days ago I had one of those eerie ‘synchronicity’ experiences.  I was contacted by a clinically diagnosed Psychopath…

9 comments

Anger: A Tool for Action

This past weekend I was driving home late at night. The moon was huge and bright. The streets were quiet…

15 comments

He Left Me and Now He’s With Her: Is He Happier With Someone Else?

We all have that little voice inside of us that feeds us thoughts about how we are lacking and not good…

Are Narcissists Aware of Their Behavior Considering it’s a Personality Disorder?

I have received a few variations of the same question from readers, “Are Narcissists really aware of their behavior considering…

80 comments

Nothing Changes Without Action: Part 3 of the Change Your Life Series

Life can change in an instant. Everyone has the ability to wake up one day and take their life in…

6 comments

Are You Involved with a Boomerang Narcissist?: How Your Behavior Tells You All You Need To Know

There is so much attention given to spotting a Narcissist and whether, or not, you might be involved with one….

71 comments

Taking Control and the Law of Attraction: Part 2 of the Change Your Life Series

In my journey from pain to self-love the first step for me was recognizing who I truly was. As I…

3 comments

“But He Says He Loves Me”: Manipulation Through Words

“Step into my parlor,” said the spider to the fly – is the opening line of a well-known poem by…

49 comments

Spirituality: The Foundation for Change – Part 1 of the Change Your Life Series

Spirituality is the foundation for change. An awareness of who you really are is the building blocks of creating a…

7 comments

Coping with Feelings of Jealousy: When a Narcissist Cheats

Once upon a time you felt like Cinderella. Your Prince Charming made you feel special and so happy, that is…

90 comments

Seeking Revenge Against a Narcissist: Know Thine Enemy

I’ve received a lot of queries lately from people asking how they can get revenge against their Narcissist that left…

215 comments

Healing the Void Within: The Danger of the Maladaptive Coping Mechanism

There is a longing, an aching void that exists deep in the heart of every one of us. We deny…

8 comments

Ending a Relationship with a Narcissist: The Art of Detachment

Detachment is the process of letting go. It’s when we start to see things from a different perspective.  When the…

304 comments

Do You Suffer From Same Man Different Face Syndrome?

A few years back, I went through a major life crisis. My mother was fatally injured in a car accident…

15 comments

Caught in the Haze of a Narcissistic Relationship: Walking Away From the Fog and Into the Light

Being caught in the haze of a Narcissistic relationship is being in a state of denial. It’s relative obliviousness to…

62 comments

Why You Should Avoid the Fixer-Upper Man and The Broken Wing Theory

A man with a hard luck story and a broken wing is irresistible to a lot of women. Perhaps, it’s…

21 comments

The Importance of Having and Enforcing Boundaries in Relationships: Why You Need to Draw the Line in the Sand

Boundaries are more than just lines on a map. In relationships, they are mandatory codes of conduct that need to…

21 comments

The Narcissist and His Harem: Why You Should Decline Membership

Think of a Narcissist like a hoarder.  In the same way that a hoarder finds comfort collecting objects a Narcissist…

239 comments

The Importance of Feeling Good: Changing Your Vibrational Frequency

For much of my life I believed that relationships hurt. I thought that love equaled pain, because when I was…

9 comments

Help! He Keeps Popping In and Out of My Life: Why They Keep Coming Back

I had a reader tell me that a man she had dated had come back into her life. Years ago,…

41 comments

Self-Esteem – It Really Is A Choice

I get a lot of emails asking the same question, “It’s all well and good to say we determine our…

8 comments

Are You Involved With A Broken Down? : Understanding When It’s Time To Fold Em

The biggest mistake a lot of women make is they stick around way too long in their relationships. Many people…

11 comments

Co-Dependency: When You Give Too Much

If you have been involved with a Narcissist, an addict, someone with a compulsive disorder or anyone with emotional or…

14 comments

Narcissists in Long Term Relationships: A Case Study, Part 1

I recently received an email from a reader in Texas. I thought it might be helpful to share her experience…

84 comments

Translating Narcissistic Jargon: Actions Do Speak Louder Than Words

I get a lot of emails from people that are confused about the mixed signals they receive from men in…

61 comments

Is It Love, or Are You Seeking Validation?: When You Don’t Know Your Own Worth

When we get rejected, treated poorly, or someone blows hot and cold in a relationship with us, we often become…

51 comments

Breaking Free: Why Breaking Up With A Narcissist Is Not Your Average Break Up

Breaking up hurts. Rejection on any level sucks, no matter how you slice it. Most people recognize that relationships end…

292 comments
The Three Phases of A Narcissistic Relationship Cycle: Over-Evaluation, Devaluation, Discard

The Three Phases of A Narcissistic Relationship Cycle: Over-Evaluation, Devaluation, Discard

A relationship with a Narcissist has been compared to being on a roller coaster, with immense highs and immense lows….

837 comments

Trying To Beat The Odds In Relationships: What Are You Really ‘Winning’?

There is nothing more tantalizing to a woman than the prospect of being the one who succeeds, where all others…

5 comments

Why You’re Right To Be Guarded: Taking It Slow In New Relationships

Many women, while on a first date with a man, are often already picturing the wedding in their heads, before…

12 comments

The Calling Card of the Narcissist: Narcissistic Relationship Behaviour Patterns

A reader asked, “My relationship with a Narcissist has scared me so much. How am I supposed to trust anyone…

71 comments

The Women of the Narcissist: Understanding Unhealthy Relationship Habits

In the early stages of a relationship with a Narcissist, he seems like the answer to a prayer. He is…

48 comments

What Walks Among Us – Narcissistic Personality Disorder

You’ve just met someone and you are on top of the world.  You’re being lavished with excessive amounts of attention…

39 comments