“If they aren’t treating you right, it’s time to stop blaming them. If you don’t want to be a doormat, get off the floor.” – Charles Orlando 

Being self-assertive is a necessary element of self-esteem. It means respecting and expressing our individual wants, needs and values and to proudly and boldly be our authentic selves.

The opposite of self-assertiveness is to be the proverbial doormat. To shrink ourselves, to quiet or hide our true nature, to put others ahead of us, to be ashamed of who we are, to lose yourself in relationships, and to surrender your own identity.

Self-assertiveness doesn’t mean being rude, obnoxious, self-centered, militant, or quick to take offence.  It doesn’t mean that we become aggressive and put others down. It simply means that we have an inner knowing that we are important, that we have value and that we matter. It’s a choice that we have to make every day.  It’s an understanding that we are not helpless victims, but fully in control of our lives.

Steps to Self-Assertiveness

Know Who You Are: You are so much more than this pile of skin, hair and bones that encase you. You are an enormous, powerful, spiritual, energy being, that is having a physical experience.  To walk around and carry the belief that you are anything less than spectacular goes against your true self.

Practice Conscious Awareness:  Be mindful, consistently, that you deserve to be heard and that you deserve joy. You are responsible for creating and maintaining your level of self-esteem. No one has this job but you. Be aware that in every moment you deserve kindness, respect and happiness.

Practice Courage: Stating and enforcing your beliefs and convictions takes courage. Create the mindset that you will not be intimidated or bullied by anyone.  Know that you not only have the right, you have the responsibility to be true to yourself. The moment you tackle this fear the easier it becomes the next time and the time after that.

Own Your Life: Your dreams, your goals, your future, your life, belong to you. Do not allow others to have dominion over your being. Do not allow others to speak for you. Do not allow other people to make their will you own. Do not allow yourself to be clouded by emotions. Make sure that the opinions that matter most to you are your own and always, always do right by you.

Speak Your Truth: Learn how to be heard. Do not be silenced. Do not fear confrontation. When needed, learn how to defend yourself in a calm respectful way. State your wants and needs with the expectation that they be granted and fulfilled.  Do not shrink yourself or back down when challenged. Know that when you’re right you’re right, without allowing doubt or guilt to creep in and have your stance waffle back and forth, be firm in your conviction. Most importantly walk away from anyone that refuses to hear, respect or honor your rights.

“Without appropriate self-assertiveness we are spectators, not players, in the game of life.”

You are the key to your self-esteem. You are the gatekeeper, protector and enforcer of your self-esteem. It all starts and ends with you. So do not allow the toxicity and judgement of others from your past to cloud your sense of who you are. Hold your convictions close to your heart. Demand to be heard. Put all those people, who think it’s okay to walk all over you, on notice, that their time is up!!!!!

One moment of courage can change your life forever. Be bold. Be brave. Be fearless. Be you!!!!!

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Written by Savannah Grey
Savannah Grey is a Freelance Writer, a Hypnotherapist, Consultant, Sports Fanatic, and Philosopher and has a degree in Psychology. She is the founder of www.esteemology.com, a website dedicated to educating and healing survivors of abusive relationships.