“I can’t do it. I just can’t walk away.”

“I’m not strong enough. I’m so weak.”

“As soon as he contacts me I know I’ll cave.”

These are some pretty common statements I hear from people trying to wean themselves off of a Narcissist. I get it. Battling all these volatile emotions is really hard. Been there-done-that, got-a-blog-about-it.

The issue is that your life has become all about someone else and you’re so wrapped up in them that you’ve twisted

The very first Valentine’s Day I spent with my Long-Term Narcissist, many, many years ago, started with him going off on one of his rants about how stupid Valentine’s Day was, that people were just lemmings and he was so above all the stupid, mouth breathing humans. I remember feeling sad and hurt and as we drove back to my city, I remember saying, “So we’re really not going to do anything for Valentine’s Day?” He let out a frustrated sigh and pulled into the first drug store that was open.

We all have an innate need to love and be loved, to belong to something, a family, a circle of friends, or even admired by colleagues. When we feel connected to others, it brings us a sense of security, joy and belongingness.

Twentieth century psychologist, Abraham Maslow, listed the need for love and belongingness in his famous hierarchy of needs. This theory is a scale of what drives human motivation.  On the bottom of the pyramid, thus being the most important, are physiological needs, such as oxygen, food, water ect.  Following that on the pyramid is the need for

The obesity/self-esteem dynamic is a topic that doesn’t get enough attention.  Sure, there have been countless studies on how obesity affects self-esteem, but duh –  that’s kind of like a study of the obvious, like telling us that water turns into ice when it freezes. We have started the dialogue on other important issues like bullying, but not specifically on how being overweight affects us from an emotional and a psychological perspective.

You can’t hide from being overweight. It’s always there and it’s all encompassing. It’s there when you put on your

Fixer: Someone who engages in relationships with dysfunctional partners, with an uncontrollable need to help, give, rescue, and recreate that person into the image that they desire.

If you see yourself in the above definition, raise your hand if you have ever tried to fix someone and it actually worked? I’m not talking about two relatively healthy people, who make each other better. I’m talking about two unhealthy, broken people, with one giving and one taking, one responsible for everything and one responsible for nothing, and with one trying to change the other into something they are not.

I get a lot of emails from people that are suffering. They are going through so much emotional anguish and they don’t know what to do. Sometimes they’re fine, but they’ll get a text message from their ex-Narcissist and it will send them into an emotional spiral. They need a healthy solution to alleviate the pain they’re experiencing and they need it now. I came across something a couple of years ago and was reminded of it this week, as I came across some writing by Gabrielle Bernstein. 

The new year brings with it new challenges, new chapters and new beginnings. But before we look ahead I think it’s important to look back, to make sure that we’ve taken care of all of our childhood baggage.  This is important, because if you refuse to do this work, these unresolved issues will continue to manifest in your life, and you will have a never ending battle, trying to manage symptoms, rather than eliminating the problem at its source.

Many people eat, drink, or do drugs to counteract the painful feelings from childhood neglect, or abuse, these are clearly inappropriate coping mechanisms – bandages, that only mask the problem. When you’ve been brought up to feel not good enough, you really do feel a void. You feel incomplete and you believe that if you could only figure