It’s normal to be sad after a break-up. They hurt after all. What adds to the anguish, though, is the fact that, Codependents have a knack of blocking out all of the bad stuff and making the tiniest decent gesture, by their ex, a monumental experience. When the time comes to morn the relationship, the tools you have developed, determine how quickly you’ll get over it.

You’re sitting at your desk at work, trying to concentrate and there it is, that old familiar feeling you know so well. That pain in your chest isn’t heartburn, it’s heartache. The feeling overwhelms you and you can’t shake it. This is nothing like you’ve ever dealt with before, because nothing makes it go away. It’s driving you crazy. It’s all you think about day and night and night and day.

Once a person has gone through the process of ridding themselves of the toxic people in their lives, they will often find themselves all alone, or at least with a lot fewer bodies around. As they start to heal, they will seek out new companionship, looking for both new friendships and relationships.  One of the many benefits of going through the healing process is that once you learn what dysfunction looks like in people, you tend to start seeing it everywhere, which leave most wondering, if emotionally healthy people aren’t some kind of mystical creature, like a unicorn or a white buffalo.

At the age of 23, Karla Homulka was arrested, along with her husband, Paul Bernardo, for the murders of 3 women. Homulka agreed to testify against her husband, who orchestrated the abduction, rape and murders, in exchange for a 12-year sentence.

If you’re lucky, you will reach a moment, when you realize, that the life you’ve been living isn’t working. Where you will finally have the eyes to see your own unhappiness and your lack of fulfillment and it will matter a great deal to you.

If you’re very lucky, you will have had a long list of relationships and events, in your life, that have been complete and

I’ve always had a contentious relationship with my mother.  I grew up knowing that I wasn’t wanted. The theme of my childhood was – You’re not good enough. You’re flawed. There’s something wrong with you. You’re not valued. You’re not worthy of love…

My mother was raised by a Narcissistic father and a Codependent mother. She modeled the worst behaviors of both and took them out on her easiest target – me.  She was unreachable and not emotionally present as a parent, and I interpreted her distance as rejection. Her sharp, unrelenting, criticism destroyed my self-esteem and affected me in myriad ways.

“What other people think of you is none of your business.” – Wayne Dyer

“I don’t care what you think.” To a pleaser that statement seems like a pipe dream. Individuals who grew up with emotional manipulators for parents have been conditioned to doubt their reality and not to put too much weight in their own wants and needs. This experience, paired with their low self-esteem means that they lack confidence and are reliant on others for emotional validation.