You’re sitting at your desk at work, trying to concentrate and there it is, that old familiar feeling you know so well. That pain in your chest isn’t heartburn, it’s heartache. The feeling overwhelms you and you can’t shake it. This is nothing like you’ve ever dealt with before, because nothing makes it go away. It’s driving you crazy. It’s all you think about day and night and night and day.

It might be early on, after the break up, or you were battling your way through it, making progress and then you look at their social media account and see that picture of them with someone new and you are gutted. You’ve just busted open that wound that had been healing so nicely. Now all you can think about is them together and how maybe it was you, because they’ve moved on and are so happy and here you are writhing in agony.

All you know is that these thoughts are interfering with your day to day functioning. You’ve got urges to call them up and tell them off. You’ve thought about acting out in some way to get their attention. The logical part of your mind is battling with the emotional side and you honestly don’t know which side will win.

These thoughts are so overwhelming, so painful and so destructive, that all you want is some kind of relief. The emotionally stunted part of your psyche is trying to convince you that if you go to them, if you reach out, it will change things and bring you some peace. The logical side of you says, ‘do nothing, no contact, let it go.’ The deciding factor is your pride and that could go either way – ‘How dare you, you don’t deserve to see me cry. You’ll get nothing from me,” vs “How can you do this to me? Don’t you know I’m important. Didn’t I matter to you at all?”

All you know is that you need to feel better and you need to feel better right now.

It may help you to know that the acuteness of what you’re feeling is temporary. It will pass, but that doesn’t help you now. We could say that an addiction is anything that you can’t control and right now you can’t control your thoughts and emotions, so it’s a kin to substance addiction.

We could talk about trauma bonds. We could say that your over-the-top reaction to the rejection is  a symptom of a deep, unhealed, childhood wound and you’d say. “Great. Knowing all this helps, but it doesn’t help the way I’m feeling.”

It is important to get to the bottom of your childhood wounds, because these types of relationships and reactions will become a recurring theme in your life if you don’t. Famous Psychoanalyst Carl Jung once said “Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will forever direct your life and you will call it fate.”

If you have an emotional reaction every time someone does something that you object to, you give them the power to control you. In last week’s blog we talked about becoming like Teflon, letting other people’s stuff bounce off of you and not absorbing any of it, so that you can maintain your inner peace. When you learn to stabilize your emotions they can no longer be used against you and they can no longer sabotage you.

I can remember a few years back, being 3 months into an extreme fitness routine and I was seeing incredible progress. My brother decided that he would rather do something else than go to our family’s cottage for my birthday, like we had always done. It hurt me. It triggered all those feelings of rejection and not feeling like I was loved by my mother. I had a severe emotional reaction and it knocked me off my path. I stopped working out and reinstated my prior eating habits – thus negating 3 months of hard work. Emotions 1 – Sav 0

You may encounter incidents like the one above, or like the one discussed at the beginning of this post and you know that you have got to get control over your thoughts and your emotions – you just don’t know how.  I can tell you through experiences that thing that helped me to master myself the most, was meditation.

Meditation can help you:

  • Raise your emotional vibration and get to a state of love and kindness.
  • Promote relaxation and calmness
  • Enhance mental discipline
  • Feel good
  • Lower your pulse and your blood pressure * I do this every time I’m at the doctors office when she puts the blood pressure cuff on me.
  • Helps with control and focus
  • Promotes better health and bodily functions
  • Reduces Pain
  • Helps with Manifesting
  • Clears any Chakra blockages
  • Allow you to let go of your feelings and let them flow through and out of you
  • Helps you to let go of the past and to focus on the present moment
  • Helps let go of fear and anger…..it would take 100 pages to list all the benefits of meditation. I’ve been doing it for so long it is part of my daily routine. There are so many different types and practices it is definitely worth looking into an area that would be of benefit to you. I have recently started practicing Astral Projection and accessing my Akashic Records.

In my hypnosis practice I come across many people who are extremely high strung and full of nervous energy and anxiety. Xanax is their best friend and they just can’t relax. I can get them to recline, but as soon as I start my relaxation process they jump up and say, “Nope I can’t do this.”

I always say the same thing – “Try.”

Practice Practice Practice

If you want to be a great pianist you don’t sit down at a piano, open your music book and play like a concert pianist. When you first sit down to play you’re not going to be very good. It takes many hours of practice before you sound half way decent,. Any new endeavor will take time to master – you try and you fail and you keep on trying. Learning how to master Meditation is no different.

When you learn how to stop absorbing the negativity of others, paired with learning how to control and focus your thoughts and emotions, you have mastered your life. Now take a deep breath and relax….

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Image courtesy of tiverylucky at freedigitalphotos.net

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Written by Savannah Grey
Savannah Grey is a Freelance Writer, a Hypnotherapist, Consultant, Sports Fanatic, and Philosopher and has a degree in Psychology. She is the founder of www.esteemology.com, a website dedicated to educating and healing survivors of abusive relationships.