“What other people think of you is none of your business.” – Wayne Dyer

“I don’t care what you think.” To a pleaser that statement seems like a pipe dream. Individuals who grew up with emotional manipulators for parents have been conditioned to doubt their reality and not to put too much weight in their own wants and needs. This experience, paired with their low self-esteem means that they lack confidence and are reliant on others for emotional validation.

It’s important for those, on the path to healing, to learn how to trust their own minds, trust their own instincts and to stand behind them, even if that means they have to stand alone.  When someone doesn’t like you there should be no need to rush to them and try to convince them that you’re worthy of their kind regard. If someone is circulating disparaging remarks about you, we must learn how to let those things slide off us and not retaliate or convince people to be on our side.

Our circle consists of those who know and love us and that is where we ask for guidance and support. If someone outside of your circle comes to you with questions or a need for clarification, certainly, set the record straight, but never stoop to their level, never retaliate in kind, or seek retribution.

Being reactive is not empowering either. Freaking out, getting into a screaming match, name calling or attempting to make someone feel guilt or shame are useless endeavors. If you react to someone’s attempt to get to you – they win. If you become overly reactive – you’ve just proven them right. If you try to make them feel bad for what they’ve said or done – you’re wasting your energy. You’re not going to change their opinion, you’re just adding fuel to their fire.

Getting yourself worked up changes your energy. It puts you in that low energy field and further away from joy and manifesting your goals.

When you do not respond, the fuel goes out of their fire, their efforts will stall and you get to remain unfazed. Remember, it’s not your job to correct other people’s thinking, even when their thinking paints you in an unflattering light.

When you rush in to defend yourself it weakens your stance. When someone talks shit about someone people know the score – they know there is something wrong with them. Everyone has an innate sense of truth or fiction. They know when someone slanders another that it says a lot about them. The people who believe it aren’t people you want in your circle anyways.

When you don’t respond it leaves an air of mystery. Your antagonist will always fill in the blanks of your silence with their own worst fears and ideas, so let their own mind work against them. Let them drive themselves crazy trying to fill in the blanks about why this doesn’t bother you, because believe me they will.

Let it Go

How do you just let it go? Easier said than done right? With all obstacles that come into our lives we should always be asking:

  1. Why did I attract it?
  2. What do I need to see or learn?
  3. How do I let it go?

On top of that we should always be mindful of our thoughts and our actions. To heal and grow we need to be insightful and introspective and stopping to reflect before jumping into action is a good part of how we do that.

When someone is thinking or saying something that paints you in a bad light:

  1. Ask, is this true? (If the answer is no. That’s enough. You’re right. Let it slide off you.)
  2. Ask, what is their end game? Why are they doing this? (Usually the answer is simple – there is something wrong with them. That’s enough to let it go.)
  3. Does this warrant any action on my part? (The answer should almost always be no, unless you’re faced with extreme consequences. Think about the pluses and minuses of any action on your part.)
  4. Ask, why did this happen and how can I make sure I’m not in this position again? (start cutting people out and stop engaging with unstable people who are out to cause you harm.)
  5. Practice, practice, practice….

Spending your valuable time and energy on people that don’t matter is always a wasted effort. By holding on to it, concocting some type of revenge or obsessing over it, only harms you. It keeps you invested and still a part of their game. When you get into the habit of letting things slide off you, you’ll find that your emotional energy and your inner peace are better served by doing nothing at all. You stick up for yourself by not engaging, not wasting any energy on their verbal assault. Let your silence tell them all they need to know about how you feel.

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Written by Savannah Grey
Savannah Grey is a Freelance Writer, a Hypnotherapist, Consultant, Sports Fanatic, and Philosopher and has a degree in Psychology. She is the founder of www.esteemology.com, a website dedicated to educating and healing survivors of abusive relationships.