If you’re lucky, you will reach a moment, when you realize, that the life you’ve been living isn’t working. Where you will finally have the eyes to see your own unhappiness and your lack of fulfillment and it will matter a great deal to you.

If you’re very lucky, you will have had a long list of relationships and events, in your life, that have been complete andutter failures. When you are okay with the way things are, you’re complacent and not motivated to make the changes you know you should. When getting up everyday hurts, when your thoughts hurt, when your heart hurts – when staying where you becomes more painful than your fear of something different, that’s the moment everything changes.  It is the place where failure and dissatisfaction meet, that magic happens.

The Space In Between

What does it mean to do your work? We hear that a lot in self-help literature. Doing the work means that you set aside the time you need to get yourself healthy and on track, that you resolve the inner conflicts and the outer ones, if you can. That you find self-love, that you give yourself the respect, compassion and love that you so easily give to others, that you become the best version of yourself and that you live your life with integrity, purpose and joy.

The space between is the time between your past, that you’ve left behind, and the future you are creating for yourself. It’s the present moment and in the now, you become committed to the process of doing your work. At times it will feel so difficult, so lonely, so heartbreaking that you may want to turn back, but if you’re brave enough, you will carry on. It’s at the hardest moment that you find what you’ve been looking for – your true self.

Here are some Truths you will find in the Space Between:

I’m Awesome: When you really start to see yourself, you will be able to see all of those unique qualities, characteristics and abilities that make you unique and that you bring to the table. These things make you stand out and they only belong to you. You will stop feeling shame or discomfort in your uniqueness and you will learn to celebrate these things and nurture them. You will never again tolerate anyone that expects you to dim your light, so that they can shine. In the space between you will learn how to take center stage and how to shine.

Your Unresolved Issues Have No Bearing on Me: Whether you are referring to your parents, partners, friends or coworkers, you will no longer absorb the dysfunction and toxicity of people, who have not done their work. In fact, you will be able to easily point out those, who have not done their work and you’ll want no part of them. You will practice the pass back and easily leave their problems with them and you will have no stomach for their drama.

I’m the Master of My Own Domain: When you are in this self-imposed time-out, you will realize that people may come and go, but you are always here for yourself and that you will learn to trust and depend on yourself. If you have had a history of being your own worst enemy and you’re a master of self-sabotage, you will find and isolate the problem, use mindfulness and be aware when you’re engaging in the behavior, find the right behavior or coping mechanism and practice behaving and thinking in the right way, over and over again, until that becomes habitual and your new way of being.

I Don’t Need Anybody Else: If you are afraid to be alone, if you feel like you’re incomplete without a mate, if you’ve never been able to fend for yourself, then the space in between is for you. Necessity is the mother of invention and it trumps fear and laziness every time. There’s a great Cher quote I came across recently that explains this perfectly.

“You said a man is not a necessity, a man is luxury,” Jane Pauley asks Cher in an interview, to which Cher replies, “Like desert, yeah.  A man is absolutely not a necessity.”

She explains, “I adore desert. I love men. I think men are the coolest, but you don’t really need them to live. My mom said to me, ‘You know, sweetheart, you should settle down and marry a rich man,’ she continued, “I said, ‘Mom, I am a rich man.'”

You will realize in the now, that you are not defined by your relationships, you are defined by your character.

My Main Priority is Me:  In the space in between, you flip the switch from being other person focused, to self-focused.  That doesn’t mean selfish. It means that you value yourself, your time and your wants and needs above all things and that you understand that it’s no one else’s job to meet those needs but you. You love and respect yourself enough to fill you up and make you feel whole.

I am in Full Control of My Life: As I take a time out, I start to dream and plan the life I want to be living. I figure out what I want, what makes me feel good, what my purpose is and I draw the map to that future. I put my plans into motion. I don’t lose focus. I don’t get distracted. I follow through and with each success, I gain more and more confidence and momentum.

I Love Being In My Own Company: When you have always been dependent upon other people, being alone will feel excruciatingly painful and lonely at first. As you enter the space between your old self and your new self, you will have likely eliminated many people from your life, who you recognized as being toxic and drama inducing.  You will be alone, but in this time and space, you fill it with your interests, hobbies you enjoy and planning and creating the life you want to live. When you’re ready, you can start to find like minded friends to add to your life, who add an element of fun and give you support and nourish your soul. You will have great fun when you’re with them, but you know what? Spending time alone doing what you love will become even more fun.

We all need to have moments of solitude. It’s in the space between, where we tear off the toxic skin we were in. You’ll find very soon, that you’re not the same person you once were. As you progress into your work and you open your eyes fully, the people you used to know and the activities you used to participate in, will no longer fit. You’re in a different space now. A place of growth, healing and peace. You will go through periods of loneliness, as you try to figure out where you belong, but it’s only temporary. The path to self-discovery is not easy. It’s full of bumps and twists, but if you’re brave enough to battle through it, you’ll find the greatest reward of all.

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Written by Savannah Grey
Savannah Grey is a Freelance Writer, a Hypnotherapist, Consultant, Sports Fanatic, and Philosopher and has a degree in Psychology. She is the founder of www.esteemology.com, a website dedicated to educating and healing survivors of abusive relationships.