Do you think that love is easy, or do you think love is hard, maybe even impossible?

Many of us struggle with love, mainly because we were never taught how. Some of us learned that love has conditions – you do X, Y and Z for me and I’ll give you some scraps of my attention or affection, which sets us up for serious problems down the road in our romantic relationships. Other’s were taught that love is pain and as adults, we go seeking pain and calling it love. While others still, were taught that they weren’t good enough or worthy of love and they’ll always find partners who will make them feel that way.

I took a month off from blogging so that I could focus on getting a new project off the ground and at the same time I moved to a new city an hour and a half away. The move was stressful, as most moves are and I left a job I had been at for many, many years.

When I met my long-term Narcissist I was in my mid to late 20’s and after receiving my University degree I landed a job with the Government. My Narcissist, a high-school drop-out, was working in retail and didn’t have any aspirations for better.

Ten years ago, I tried to get back into the dating pool after being unceremoniously kicked to the curb by my Narcissist. I was new to dating, having been in my abusive relationship for almost a decade and I realized very quickly that I had a lot to learn.

I sat on my client’s sofa showing them the comps in their neighborhood and explaining why it was a good time to put their house on the market. I was a year out from my ten year relationship with my ex-Narcissist and I was putting my life back together again.

In that year, I got my Real Estate license. Now I was out to conquer the world of home buying. I took a sip of tea, from the beautiful bone china cup and my phone started ringing. I looked down and saw that it was the big muscley, Vin Diesel type guy that I had just broken up with.

I was reading comments on the Support Forum and several of the “victims” were discussing the telepathic connection they have with the narcissist, how they could “will” him to call, or how uncanny it was that he would call right as they were thinking about him. How they could feel him thinking about them and the pull of the connection they have with the narcissist.

Ingrid Roekke once said, “A child that is being abused doesn’t stop loving it’s parents, it stops loving itself.” A lack of self-love is the number one cause of toxic adult relationships. When something isn’t important to us we neglect it, we don’t treat it well and we don’t think much of it. But what happens when that thing is us?