I get a lot of emails from people that are confused about the mixed signals they receive from men in relationships. The hot and cold behaviours usually leave them unsure as to whether or not they are actually involved with a Narcissist. We have to be careful not to paint everyone with the Narcissistic brush, as even healthy relationships do have their ups and downs, but there are some pretty easy telltale signs.

You know you’re involved with a Narcissist when they exhibit several of the following behaviours:

When we get rejected, treated poorly, or someone blows hot and cold in a relationship with us, we often become stuck and fixated on that person. We become convinced that we’re in love and we try over and over again to prove ourselves, to show the objects of our affection, that we are worthy of their love and attention.

We often don’t recognize that the reason someone isn’t interested in us may have absolutely nothing to do with us at all. We tend to internalize the rejection that it must be because we’ve been seen, evaluated and judged, as not good enough and that they are no longer interested.

There is nothing more tantalizing to a woman than the prospect of being the one who succeeds, where all others have failed. To reach the heart of an unreachable, reluctant man and have him fall madly in love with us, change his ways and give us the relationship we’ve always dreamed of. This is so enticing to so many of us because if we win, if we get to go where no other woman has gone before, then we get the validation that we all seek – that there must be something pretty special and irresistible about us.

Hollywood is full of such tales. Just about every Rom Com you watch begins with an Emotionally Unavailable, shady, or Narcissistic male, treating the woman in his life like garbage. Then, enter the heroine and you get two hours of how they stumble through various scenarios, until he eventually realizes that she’s the one, he gets his act together and they ride off into the sunset of wedded bliss.

Many women, while on a first date with a man, are often already picturing the wedding in their heads, before dessert even arrives. If they feel that illusive chemistry, they are so quick to open up before taking the much needed time to actually get to know someone.

You wouldn’t let a stranger into your house and give them carte blanche with all of your stuff and you wouldn’t give them total access to your bank account, just because you thought they were attractive. So why do so many of us not take the same precautions when it comes to dating and relationships?

You’ve just met someone and you are on top of the world.  You’re being lavished with excessive amounts of attention and you’ve never been pursued quite like this before, so it must be love and you are hooked. But then something happens days or weeks into the chase. Your Prince Charming’s red hot pursuit has turned into an icy cold retreat and you are left wondering what the hell you did wrong.

After some time has passed your Prince resurfaces offering little or no explanation or apology. As you start to look back on your relationship, you realize that you were sped through the early stages of the dating process. The relationship is all on his terms, you’re not sure when you will hear from him again and you communicate and hook up only when he wants to. You’re starting to see all of his promises go unfulfilled and his words never match his actions. You are confused and can’t fathom why one day you were treated like a princess and the next day you’re gum on the bottom of his shoe, but you keep hoping the prince will show up again and give you the relationship that you want.