In August 2005 Hurricane Katrina hit the east coast of the United States. It is considered to be among the costliest and deadliest Hurricanes of all time. With maximum wind speeds up to 175 mph, it’s no surprise that much of the east coast, was devastated. Homes that had sat along the coastline of Mississippi for centuries, were gone in an instant, the only thing that remained were the trees.

If we can take a cue from nature it would be that those with the deepest and most secure roots can endure even the gravest of circumstances and all that is flashy and without substance can be gone in an instant.

“Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your hand-break on.” – Maxwell Maltz

When you don’t think very much of yourself it shows. It puts you at a great disadvantage in every aspect of your life. Those with low self-esteem tend to be approval seeking, and experience fear and anxiety when they feel that they are being judged by others. They are highly critical of themselves, have poor self-talk, doubt their abilities, believe that being themselves isn’t good enough and engage in self-harming behaviors.

“There is a profound stillness at rock bottom. It’s very quiet and there is no one around to distract you. It’s a place where you are completely alone with nothing but your thoughts for companionship.” 

Scapegoat:  The problem child, or the trouble maker in the family. They stand out from their Golden Child and Peace Keeping siblings, because they speak out, or act out – they bring awareness to the dysfunction in the family, intentionally or unintentionally, rather than deny, or avoid, as the others choose to do. They are the only emotionally honest ones in the family and as such, they are the recipient of the Emotionally Abusive Parent’s ire. The family then labels this child as the bad one, or rebellious one and they receive the brunt of the disdain, blame and responsibility for the family’s issues.  They serve as the cause of the family strife, a needed distraction for the other family members, keeping them from acknowledging the real problems within the household.

My brother has a decent job with the government, his wife is an architect. They have an expensive house, situated in a posh part of town. They have a couple of kids, new cars, designer clothes – the best of everything. By all accounts they are a complete success.

“I don’t want to be in another relationship….ever.” This is one of the most common statements I hear from clients, as they move forward in their healing and that makes sense. Who would want to engage in something that was so painful and traumatic?

“Self-sabotage is like a game of mental tug-of-war. It’s the subconscious mind vs the conscious mind, where the subconscious usually wins.” – Bo Bennett

I made a decision several months ago that I wanted to get a few things accomplished this year. I can recall stages throughout my life where I had made similar decisions and declarations. Those decisions would spur me into action and I would experience some initial success, but then something would happen that would throw me off track. I would feel strong emotions that would knock me out of the zone, my Codependency would kick in and I’d start to do and think things that would sabotage my progress.