When we get rejected, treated poorly, or someone blows hot and cold in a relationship with us, we often become stuck and fixated on that person. We become convinced that we’re in love and we try over and over again to prove ourselves, to show the objects of our affection, that we are worthy of their love and attention.

We often don’t recognize that the reason someone isn’t interested in us may have absolutely nothing to do with us at all. We tend to internalize the rejection that it must be because we’ve been seen, evaluated and judged, as not good enough and that they are no longer interested.

Breaking up hurts. Rejection on any level sucks, no matter how you slice it.

Most people recognize that relationships end for all sorts of reasons. Some are nasty, some are amicable and some are mutual. But they generally follow the same pattern – relationship ends, one or both parties grieve and then move on.

Getting over a relationship with a Narcissist is a much different kettle of fish. Depending upon the duration, the impact of such a union could have profound emotional, psychological, spiritual, physical and even financial effects on its victims.

A relationship with a Narcissist has been compared to being on a roller coaster, with immense highs and immense lows. They have been described as the proverbial Jekyll and Hyde, one way one minute, another the next.

People usually get into relationships for love and the need to connect and bond with another. Narcissists get into relationships for entirely different reasons. They do not feel love and they lack the ability to connect and form normal attachment bonds with others.

Narcissists need people more than anyone. Because their entire sense of self-esteem and self-worth is dependent on the admiration of others, their emotions are a precarious balance of needing others and needing to be left alone.

There is nothing more tantalizing to a woman than the prospect of being the one who succeeds, where all others have failed. To reach the heart of an unreachable, reluctant man and have him fall madly in love with us, change his ways and give us the relationship we’ve always dreamed of. This is so enticing to so many of us because if we win, if we get to go where no other woman has gone before, then we get the validation that we all seek – that there must be something pretty special and irresistible about us.

Hollywood is full of such tales. Just about every Rom Com you watch begins with an Emotionally Unavailable, shady, or Narcissistic male, treating the woman in his life like garbage. Then, enter the heroine and you get two hours of how they stumble through various scenarios, until he eventually realizes that she’s the one, he gets his act together and they ride off into the sunset of wedded bliss.

Many women, while on a first date with a man, are often already picturing the wedding in their heads, before dessert even arrives. If they feel that illusive chemistry, they are so quick to open up before taking the much needed time to actually get to know someone.

You wouldn’t let a stranger into your house and give them carte blanche with all of your stuff and you wouldn’t give them total access to your bank account, just because you thought they were attractive. So why do so many of us not take the same precautions when it comes to dating and relationships?

A reader asked, “My relationship with a Narcissist has scared me so much. How am I supposed to trust anyone after that?” She continued to list all of the atrocities committed by her Narcissist and what isn’t so surprising is that all the stories seem all too similar.

Considering that between 2 and 16% of North Americans are afflicted with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, it is likely that the typical women will have at least one encounter with a Narcissist. Due to the deceptive nature of the impairment, a true accounting is near impossible to determine. Fortunately, in relationships, many exhibit similar behavior patterns, which makes them easier to identify.

In the early stages of a relationship with a Narcissist, he seems like the answer to a prayer. He is everything that we ever wanted in a man. He showers you with attention and seems to put you on a pedestal. He is the proverbial white knight, swooping in to save us. Faced with the charm and persistent adoration of such a man, it’s easy to find yourself in the glow of budding love. He appeals to your heart and comes off as a great guy, who is just in need of a good woman, who will love and understand him.

Many would have trouble resisting such temptation, but the difference between a woman who has a healthy self-esteem, firm boundaries and self-respect and a woman who doesn’t, is that when the narcissist shows you who he really is,(blows hot and cold, future fakes, his words never match his actions, the relationship is all on his terms …) the woman with healthy self-esteem puts foot to pavement and doesn’t look back.