We’ve all had break-up moments that we aren’t particularly proud of. You know, those scenes where we left the house, but forgot to take our dignity with us, those cringe-worthy moments where our behavior was, well….less than stellar.

Getting dumped hurts and if you’ve been unceremoniously tossed out on your backside, without a how do you do, and the person that ripped your heart out, trots off with someone else, it can stir up a lot of emotions.

You’re dealing with heartbreak, fear, abandonment, jealousy, betrayal, anger, outrage, indignation and all of these feelings are causing the ‘I’m not good enough monster’ to tear up your town in a Godzilla like fashion.

Dating is like investing in the stock market. We want to get the best possible return on our investment, so we want to be informed and make the right decisions.

We can do some insider trading, by getting info from previous partners and we can do our due diligence and research the product, so that you can make the most educated decisions possible, but the bottom line is, every time you invest your emotional currency in a relationship, there is an element of chance and it is always going to be a gamble. What most people should be doing is learning how to minimize risk.

After my long-term Narcissist and I broke up, I spent about a year and a half on self-improvement. I was looking and feeling pretty good and I decided that it was time to get back up on the ole dating horse.  I learned a lot in that year about myself and particularly about my dating habits. It seemed that I kept attracting the same type of guy over and over again and I couldn’t help but wonder, what was going on and if this was a coincidence.

That year my dating history looked like this:

Guy #1 – The date was a total disaster. I talked about my ex the whole time. Relationship duration: 1 date.

Guy #2 – The guy was totally buff, 6’3, muscles everywhere, nice clothes, nice car, good job. He swept me off of my feet and I was hooked.  He started to blow hot and cold. I didn’t hear from him one weekend, then the next he was fixing his c

Imagine growing up in an environment where rather than being loved and nurtured, you’re treated like an adversary and an unwanted burden.

Our parents are our first teachers and the messages we receive from them, shape our views and our beliefs about ourselves. If it is demonstrated to us, repeatedly, that we don’t matter, that we are unwanted, we will become adults that believe that we are worthless and damaged, we will have massive trust issues and difficulties in our adult relationships.

To be a Narcissistic parent is to be an abusive parent. Because to a Narcissist you are either a form of Narcissistic Supply, or you are nothing. The typical parent/child bond never forms, as Narci

There tends to be some confusion amongst readers on the basic template of a narcissist. I write a lot about a certain type, mainly the Somatic boomerang Narcissist, because it is the type you will most commonly run into in the dating world. But it raises a lot of confusion and questions for people who are involved with other types of Narcissists.  There are certain types and subtypes of Narcissists and I thought a little clarification might be in order.

Cerebral and Somatic

I think most people have a firm grasp on the difference between the two, but for those that don’t, here is a short definition of the two main types:

Your behavior, the days and weeks following a breakup with a Narcissist, sets the tone for the rest of your life.  It is at this stage that you make the choice, whether or not, you will treat yourself with respect, or send your dignity down the river.  If you were the one that initiated the break up, you will ride the feelings of empowerment for a while, but like most emotions they are fleeting and eventually unwanted thoughts begin to creep in.

It’s here that you are faced with a giant truth, that the object of your obsession will no longer be a part of your life.  The sorrow, remorse, fear, panic and doubt become overwhelming, because for so long the Narcissist in your life has been the center of your Universe and now there is an enormous, gaping void where they once stood. 

When I choose a blog topic I usually get my ideas from reader emails, research, books that I’ve read, or experiences that I’ve had. This week something interesting happened and I got to kill two birds with one stone.

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It was cold and damp on Thursday evening and I decided to make my way to the local coffee house. I had a ton of reading to do and I had been stuck indoors all day, so I decided that I needed a change of scenery and a delicious, warm frothy beverage.

So, as I’m waiting in line for my Caramel Macchiato I spotted him. Sitting in a big comfy chair there he was, Max