Empathy is the ability to comprehend the feelings of another; to put yourself in someone else’s shoes. For a Narcissist this ability is impaired. What this means is that entering into a relationship with someone who lacks empathy is setting yourself up for feelings of pain, hurt, grief, confusion, betrayal and shock.

Is interpersonally exploitative, i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends. – DSM4

When a parasite attaches itself to a host it doesn’t concern itself with whether or not the host wants to be fed upon. It doesn’t care about the host’s well-being. All it cares about is, where it can get the resources it needs to survive.

Has a sense of entitlement, i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations.  DSM 4 Narcissistic Personality Disorder Criteria

To have a sense of entitlement means to have an expectation. An expectation that I deserve something for nothing because of who or what I am.

Requires excessive admiration – DSM IV

The need for attention and admiration is really at the crux of Narcissism.  A Narcissist’s low self-esteem, insecurity and a fear of abandonment mean that they are always seeking validation from outside sources.

Believes he is “special” and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions).

Many victims of Narcissistic abuse have spent sleepless nights agonizing over their Narcissist’s behavior. They get tripped up on trying to decipher intent and motive. The problem with that is, very often, a Narcissist’s behavior isn’t logical. It defies the laws of common sense and decency and for a non-Narcissist it’s very difficult to figure out.  

*Preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love – NPD criteria DSM4

Have you ever had a conversation with someone, who you know is rather arrogant, and all of a sudden, they start boasting something about themselves (their abilities, work, appearance, achievements, sexual prowess) that is so outlandish and obviously untrue, that you have to stop yourself from laughing out loud?

There is a great misconception amongst Codependents and that is – I can win the approval of people who don’t like me, by being overly friendly, by over-complimenting, over-dong and over-giving. At this time of year many of us will find ourselves in difficult situations, where we are forced to spend time with people, who trigger us and who, have a history of being unkind to us.