Is interpersonally exploitative, i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends. – DSM4

When a parasite attaches itself to a host it doesn’t concern itself with whether or not the host wants to be fed upon. It doesn’t care about the host’s well-being. All it cares about is, where it can get the resources it needs to survive.

Narcissists like to conquer and acquire things. It’s often a game of one-upmanship to them. Playing others for a fool makes them feel good about themselves. It reminds them that they are clever and better than everyone else. Since they believe that they are smarter than everyone else in the room, when they can relieve you of your hard earned resources or convince you to do something you otherwise wouldn’t it confirms their specialness.

They spend a great deal of time working out schemes and stories. Many are such prolific liars that they can drum up a convincing anecdote at the spur of the moment.

They get bored very easily and being normal, working for a living is for other less-special people. Yet they like to have things. Lodgings, clothes, cars, trips and food in their bellies, though they lack the discipline, skills and aptitude to obtain these things themselves.

Most of my clients talk about having to pay and support their narcissistic partners. Some talk about how they, highly educated men and women, have helped their partners get through graduate school, to the extent of writing their dissertation for them and using their influence to get them accepted into Graduate school, only to have their relationships end once the degree is achieved.

Narcissists use people it’s what they do. When they have a goal in mind, they will scope out just the right target, latch on and use their manipulation skills to keep their host dazed and confused while they get what they need.

It could be money, sex, fame, status, degrees, a place to live, or any resource they require. If you have it and they want it, you’re at risk. What they propose is a form of trade. You give me what I need and I’ll give you love and the relationship you’ve always dreamed of. They dangle the relationship in front of you, trying to see just how far you’ll jump for it. You’ll never attain it though because it will always be just out of your reach.

In the beginning your relationship will be incredible, but like always, when you interact with an emotional manipulator, the mask will always slip and they stop hiding their true selves. They then continue the game of smoke and mirrors, using lies, deflection, projection, triangulation and gas lighting to keep you from figuring it out.

When they get to the point where their host has run out of resources or they are have been figured out, they turn, and suddenly, they start to fault find and pick fights, in order to justify the fact that they’ve left you in complete ruin – emotionally and financially. They maintain their victimhood while making their partners out to be the villains.

Their entitlement mentality and their belief that they are superior feed into their justification that they should be allowed to use people. Their mentality is, “it’s your fault for being so gullible.” They have a unique ability to pass responsibility for their actions onto others.

It’s your fault I took your money. It’s your fault you’re in debt because of me. It’s your fault you’re hurt – you shouldn’t have trusted me.

It’s impossible to reason with such blatant avoidance and complete lack of accountability. To a Narcissist people are akin to a chess piece. If they have a need they will manipulate you into position. When you have run out of things to give them or they find someone who would make a better host they’re gone, and with their lack of responsibility you are devastated and left holding the bag and that does not worry them in the slightest.

Their feelings are superficial at best and while you are reeling, they are already feeding off their next host.

 

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Written by Savannah Grey
Savannah Grey is a Freelance Writer, a Hypnotherapist, Consultant, Sports Fanatic, and Philosopher and has a degree in Psychology. She is the founder of www.esteemology.com, a website dedicated to educating and healing survivors of abusive relationships.