Ingrid Roekke once said, “A child that is being abused doesn’t stop loving it’s parents, it stops loving itself.” A lack of self-love is the number one cause of toxic adult relationships. When something isn’t important to us we neglect it, we don’t treat it well and we don’t think much of it. But what happens when that thing is us?

What to do if you suspect someone you know is involved with a narcissist:

First of all let’s cover the Don’ts:

* Do not underestimate how dangerous, manipulative and conniving a narcissist can be.

Too many times people confuse narcissism with ordinary abusive behaviour or someone with an inflated ego. A true narcissist is cruel beyond comprehension and can cause immeasurable emotional and physical damage. They will stop at nothing to control their victim and that could include death.

Just follow your heart or the heart wants what it wants are phrases that get tossed around a lot, and it’s almost exclusively used to defend dysfunctional or toxic relationships. Selena Gomez had a hit song out entitled, The Heart Wants What it Wants. Halsey has a song out called, Bad at Love, where she describe the toxic relationship choices she’s made – as if love is to blame.

We have heard the phrase “love yourself first” ad nauseum and many of us can believe that we’re living this precept only to find weeds growing in our lives because the reality is, self love isn’t part of the equation at all.

Self Love has many shades and definitions, but the constant in its measurement can be found in the portrait which is our life – the living breathing canvas of all the decisions we make day to day that result in either a living life of integrity and meaning or having evidence of a life that will live and die by the ego.

Wallet … check. Car keys … check. Cell phone … check. These items are just a few of the essentials that you make certain you have on your person before tackling the day. Your iPhone stores your entire life and helps you choose the nearest and nicest restaurants to boot — how lost would you be without your phone? How can you bare to live without it, every second of the day?

Love Bomb: A psychological technique used by emotional manipulators to exert control over their love interests, by administering intense praise, attention and admiration. Once their target’s emotions have been engaged, the Love Bomber abruptly stops his/her pursuit and becomes distant, cold and may even stop contact all together. This causes the target to have severe feelings of confusion and pain. The abrupt rejection will trigger unresolved childhood traumas in the target and will cause them to engage in obsessive thinking and addiction-type behaviors, all centered around trying to win back their abuser’s affections. 

I spent some time this weekend with my brother Michael and it was very touching to watch him teach his children about finances. They had emptied their piggy banks earlier in the week and he opened up bank accounts for them. He was now in the process of showing them how to log in and check their balances on line.