“I don’t want to be in another relationship….ever.” This is one of the most common statements I hear from clients, as they move forward in their healing and that makes sense. Who would want to engage in something that was so painful and traumatic?

“Self-sabotage is like a game of mental tug-of-war. It’s the subconscious mind vs the conscious mind, where the subconscious usually wins.” – Bo Bennett

I made a decision several months ago that I wanted to get a few things accomplished this year. I can recall stages throughout my life where I had made similar decisions and declarations. Those decisions would spur me into action and I would experience some initial success, but then something would happen that would throw me off track. I would feel strong emotions that would knock me out of the zone, my Codependency would kick in and I’d start to do and think things that would sabotage my progress.

My 60-year-old aunt said, as she took my teenage hands in hers, “Look at her hands.” I looked down at my hands, then at hers. Her hands were covered in age spots. They were dry, and dehydrated-looking and the skin looked thin, like it was stretched too tightly over her veins. I had the young, firm, dewy hands of youth and it never dawned on me that someday, I too, would have age spots and dry, crepey skin.

Most of our behaviors and motivations are subconscious. We don’t think too much about where our thoughts and feelings come from, we just experience them as they come. As Codependents, we often have reactions that are either way over the top or are not in sever or appropriate to the situation.

A warrior is someone who understands the significance of battle. They know what it takes to win. They understand the work, the struggle and the grind. A warrior is someone who has experienced significant loss, pain and hardship, yet manages not to become crushed, embittered or defeated by it. They remain defiant and indestructible in the face of impossible odds. But more importantly, they know that the biggest battle, is the one they fight inside of themselves. When every part of their body is telling them to stop, turn back and give in – they soldier on.

Conquering Codependency is akin to maneuvering through a battle field. You have to constantly be mindful of where you are, you’ve got battle after battle after battle, both internal and external and you have to always be on the look-out for shrapnel and falling bombs from overhead.

A Narcissistic relationship thrives in an environment of doubt, secrecy and fear. They engage in a plethora of behaviors designed to create just that. Lying, gas lighting, projection, deflection, insulting, belittling, humiliating, crocodile tears, love-bombing…are just some of the many ways Narcissists go about concealing their agenda and their true intentions.