Invoking jealousy, creating drama and forcing their partners to make impossible choices are just a few of the ways a Narcissist gets his fix and maintains control.

If a Narcissist can make you feel insecure and be the center of attention at the same time, they are creating their ideal scene for maximum payout. In their mind, to have more than one person wanting them, fighting over them, shows them that they are important, desired and worthy. It doesn’t matter that they have set the scene and

“Then you must make your future dream a present fact. You do this by assuming the feeling of your wish fulfilled. By desiring to be other than what you are, you can create an ideal of the person you want to be and assume that you are already that person. If this assumption is persisted in until it becomes your dominant feeling, the attainment of your ideal is inevitable..” Neville Goddard The Power of Awareness copyright 1952

I can recall, early in my dating career, many occasions where I really let myself down. There were plenty of cringe-worthy moments where I would let something slide or hold something in and never stand up for myself. My love interest would say or do something completely inappropriate and I knew if I spoke up it would mean a huge fight and the end of that relationship. It wasn’t that I didn’t know I was being disrespected and it wasn’t that it didn’t hurt me deeply, but my fear of rejection and abandonment was greater than my need to be treated with love and respect.

Kristie and Steve had been seeing each other on and off for almost 4 years. It has really been more off than on and she has even gone as long as 7 months without any contact, but, “As always,” she says, “He pulls me back in.” The relationship was full of other women, hot and cold spells, disrespect, using and an infinite number of lies. All good reasons in and of themselves to end the relationship.

Last week we talked about the ways in which a Narcissist creates dependency. This week I wanted to finish off the segment by introducing ways to break out of that dependency.

Nepoleon Hill, author of Success Through A Positive Mental Attitude, calls it, ‘removing the

Denial is a big part of Codependency – denial that anything is wrong, denial of your feelings, denial about your childhood, denial about your romantic partners…whichever way you slice it there is a lot of incongruity between a codependent’s perceived reality and reality itself.

“Courage is resistance to fear, not absence of fear.”  -Mark Twain 

Fear, it can be debilitating. It can keep us from ever changing, growing and becoming who we were meant to be. Fear keeps us stuck. It’s a painful emotion that stems from the belief that some thing or action is going to cause us pain or discomfort.