About this time of year, we are inundated with happy Christmas movies – the plot is usually something like a family encounters a crisis and needs to work together to get through it and in the end the experience has brought everyone together, where they are a lot closer and everyone has learned something important about the other and the true meaning of Christmas.
But, what happens when getting together with your family for the holidays, leaves you feeling emotionally drained, beat up, angry, anxious, stressed out, negative or depressed? What happens when entering the domain of a Narcissistic parent is like a war zone, where there is nowhere safe to go and you’re constantly on edge waiting for the next attack?
This time of year is very difficult for people who come from toxic families. We all long for the lives depicted in those holiday movies. We want the closeness. We want the support and love they promise and every year we try again. We reach out that olive branch and hope that this time it will be different – except it never is.
The one thing we know for sure is that we can’t change our parents and siblings. We can’t make them see the error of their ways. No holiday miracle is going to jump out in front of them and change the way they perceive the situation.
All we can do is either accept them as they are, or leave. We don’t have the power to change anyone but ourselves and because our well-being is our responsibility, we don’t want to put ourselves in harms way. We don’t want to engage with toxic people, that make us feel bad.
We have every right to spare ourselves from the drama, to protect our self-esteem and spend time with people who make us feel happy, supported and loved. This means that if we come from a toxic family where our well-being is threatened, we either go limited contact, or no contact.
Limited Contact
Limited Contact means just that – we limit our contact with our families for certain occasions. We make an appearance, maybe even have dinner, but at no time, do we engage in the drama, the passive-aggressive digs, the name calling, the button pushing, blame and fault finding… we simply don’t participate. We’re civil, we have no need to push our position, or make others agree with us.
If you come from a toxic family you know by now that none of this will be met with happy, eager enthusiasm. All it will do is provide fuel for the never-ending family fight, so just don’t go there. If you have a parent or sibling determined to get under your skin, set your boundary and tell them you do not wish to speak about this now and if they continue you will leave – and follow through with the boundary you’ve set – action – consequence.
It’s important that you don’t absorb the responsibility that will be thrown at your feet. If you’ve come to this point of your healing you’re well versed in what it’s like to be the family scapegoat. Remember that your well-being is your responsibility and that means that it’s your job to protect it. If you’re under siege, or you’re not enjoying yourself, you have every right to leave. By doing so you are teaching people how to treat you, your leaving shows them that you will not tolerate poor treatment.
Always make sure you have your own transportation, so that if the need to flee arises, you aren’t reliant on someone for a ride, that doesn’t want to leave. If you do leave don’t feel bad or guilty about it afterwards. The happiness of others is not your responsibility and know that their behavior is not about you it’s about them.
No Contact
For some, no contact is extremely difficult over the holidays. For others, it’s a relief and a soothing reminder that you are someone that practices self-care. If you already have a no contact relationship with family members, it’s important to remember the reasons why and that you maintain no contact throughout the season.
This time of year often serves as a Narcissistic parent’s perfect excuse to reach out to their no contact child. If you respond, they get what they want, if you don’t, it provides them with the mantle of victim. They then get to regale family and friends with stories of what’s wrong with you and how everything is all your fault. As the scapegoat this is a custom you are all too familiar with.
It’s not easy to know, that those that should love and care for us are engaging in a smear campaign. It’s hard to fathom that cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents and friends might believe what’s being said, but it’s important to understand that not all people are blinded by a Narcissist’s fake charm and phony façade. Most people, that know a Narcissist, know that something is off with them, though they may not be able to put a name to it. When I see a child that wants nothing to do with their parents, I don’t look at the child as the cause of the rift. I look at them as someone who has a very good reason for doing so and who has made a very difficult decision to step away from the toxicity and heal themselves.
If you have siblings, or other family members, that you care about, make arrangements to see them separately, perhaps on a different day. You very likely will be asked why you’ve decided to go no contact with your parents or if it’s ongoing you may be asked to rehash the story. Resist the urge, without getting into details simply say that you choose peace and that you just want to be happy and healthy and it’s best you do that apart.
Engaging in the drama, at any level, will only fuel the Narcissist’s need for self-preservation and to go on the attack. You don’t need to convince anyone that you’re right – so save your breath. If you’ve gone no contact, it’s for a very good reason and you have likely battled all kinds of doubt and guilt. Don’t allow the thoughtless words of others to awaken those old feelings. It really is no one’s business and you don’t have to defend your position.
In some cases, going no contact with your family, may mean spending the holidays alone, which may trigger feelings of abandonment and of not being loved. Remember it’s just one day. It’ll pass and you always have the option of tagging along to a friend’s holiday celebration. Usually this time of year, people will be happy to find a place at their table,for someone who would otherwise, be spending it solo. If you’ve been invited go, you won’t be imposing and it will give you the opportunity to see how other families interact.
Remember that no contact is not an aggressive act, meant to stick it to your narcissistic parents, or to slander them and make them look bad. It’s an act of self-care and self-care isn’t mean or selfish. It’s about doing right by you and putting you and your needs first. Don’t compromise all of your progress or hard work by giving in to the guilt. Remember that opening a door today that you have risked much to close, means you’ll have to start the process all over again. Christmas is only celebrated one day of the year, but self-care needs to be practiced every day, so give yourself a gift this year by keeping your life drama free.
Merry Christmas Savannah,
I stumbled onto this site, which has been so helpful to say the least.
I my ex and I started dating in 1983 as seniors in high school. I am now 51 and our divorce was final in July of this year. He walked out and said he “didn’t know what he wanted”, but he’d be back. I waited 7 months. Before I moved out of our house.
It has been hard realizing that my 30+ years (27 married) with him was all a lie. I have 2 wonderful kids and realize they are part of the “show” too. All the things that were said, his selfishness and lack of caring about our family, but mostly me, makes sense now. I believed his “but I love you” and it trumped everything that was said or done.
I was a stay at home mom for all those years “because no wife of his is going to work”, but now I know it was for his show. As everyone here knows, the list goes on.
I have struggle more these last months, now that it’s officially over, than when we were going thru our year and a half long divorce process. Where sadly his lies continued.
My parents are both have passed and my only extended “family” (not including my kids) is a drunk sister. Never good!!!
My ex now has a girlfriend (complete opposite of me….hooker type) and does things with her that I begged to do with him.
I’m not in the Christmas spirit. I don’t want to cry in front of my kids (17 & 22) and I feel selfish that I’m having a pity party for myself when there are so many suffering people.
I’ve read many books on narcissim. I know who and what he is. I know the right ways to feel in my head but I can’t seem to convey them to my heart.
Your posts have been very helpful to me right now. Every time I feel the hurt…I run to my room and read your posts. Some over and over.
Thank you and to everyone else. I know I’m not alone.
Merry Christmas.
Hi Connie,
Like others, I came to this site by serendipity. It helped me understand and, in the third year on, I’m still reading, if not for the stuff about the narcs, which was so revealing at first, but because it has been so helpful about codependency.
Don’t criticise yourself for feeling selfish. As Savannah says, you have to feel your feelings. Your heart will change but from July to now isn’t a long time. Be nice to yourself.
I know it says here that Christmas is only another day but it’s a day that comes with a lot of baggage and expectation. I know you read the posts and there were some good ones last year about first post-Narc Christmases.
I hope you have a fulfilling new year, setting yourself up and finding yourself,
Just letting you know Savannah that I have nominated you for a Blogger Recognition Award! Thank you for all you do.
Much love Txx
https://toniannlacrette.wordpress.com/2017/12/07/blogger-recognition-award/
Thank you 🙂
I still remember the first Christmas I spent alone, not being tormented at one of those “joyous” celebrations – what a happy, liberated feeling to have finally stood up to them.
In later years, I realized that my husband functioned as a Psychological Bodyguard and, on the rare occasions that I did associate with my family, I always took him with me. My husband is a kind, friendly person, but is a former Marine, and it was immediately very clear that my bullying mother and brother were very intimidated by my husband on an energetic level. When my husband was around, both of them were always very civil.
The first time my mother met my boyfriend, later to become my husband, it was almost like an electric current passed between them. It was very obvious that my mother was immediately aware that her bullying behavior was not going to work and, from them on, she was sweet and docile whenever my husband was around.
Seeing the dynamic between my husband and my mother was very similar to dogs meeting each other for the first time and assessing which dog is dominant. On the TV show The Dog Whisperer, Cesar Milan frequently demonstrated how clients have to shift their energy and thinking to become the alpha in their relationship with their dog. My husband is naturally dominant and my mother and brother immediately sensed that and never chose to challenge him.
My experience is that, when you have been scapegoated since you were a child, learning to deal with bullies is going to be a challenge because lessons of submission were so firmly entrenched in your thinking from a very young age.
Finally, now I understand that my mother and my brother are scapegoating narcissists. I’m also getting better at identifying those behaviors in other people. I also know that placating bullies is not a solution. Lots of the answer is being able to walk away (leaving was not allowed when you were a scapegoated child, you always had to stay for more abuse) and that’s still a lesson that I’m working on.
My exN would always ensure that Christmas (and birthdays and special days) were a truly miserable time for me and our kid. While I have absolutely no doubt the exN will pull out all the stops to wreck Christmas from a distance this year (through our kid) I will be getting the best Xmas present ever though – I will wake up on Xmas morning and exN will NOT be there and I will not have to spend the day tip toeing around the “Grinch”. So even if I do spend the day on my own it will be 100% better than spending the day with him.
Well said 🙂
Thriving-
Your Comment really brought me back. My xN and her mobile phone — that was a combination that brought me a lot of pain back in the day. Just like you, I would hear the messages coming in all night and I would get a huge knot in my stomach and a sharp pain in my neck and shoulders. All her men, literally from around the world, checking in, intriguing, flirting, all causing me emotional and physical pain. I knew she was sick and self centered and could not possibly feel what I felt for her. Yet I didn’t want to know, or could not bear the thought of being on my own without her. So I just felt that pain and chose to hope against all odds and all evidence that she would somehow change or that her impossibly fabricated excuses (“they’re just friends”; “it’s just work”; “I’m just a friendly person”) were just possibly true. I knew she was a hopeless liar but I wasn’t yet ready to act on that knowledge.
Fast forward a few years. Now I know better. I faced my fear of abandonment, with lots of help (including this website). I would never in a million years accept those pathetic excuses today. At the first sign of flirting and intriguing I would be out of there. No doubt in my mind.
In fact today I heard from an old mutual friend who knows both me and my xN. This friend does not know the depths of the xNs personality disorder but does know she has a very hard time holding onto relationships. The mutual friend told me she has met my xNs new boyfriend and likely fiancée. All the mutual friend said was “I hope it works out” which speaks volumes I think. As for me, in the past, just after I chose to leave the xN, this would have been devastating news. Today? All I could think was God help this guy, he has no idea what he is getting into and what he has in his future. When she is finished overvaluing him he is in for a world of pain. I’m as far from jealous as you can be. I am deeply truly sorry for this poor unfortunate. When he hears that mobile phone going all night he will be in pain. Meanwhile I’ll be sleeping soundly. And that’s recovery in a nutshell.
Hurtin’ Cowboy
Thriving – Thank you for the reminder about the chime that gave me a pit in my stomach, while I’m sure it gave him a further boost in his self importance. Also love your comment about feeling a draft. Like Savannah says, the actual holiday is only one day here and there, so keep your “sweater” on and it will pass.
Savannah,
This is so timely and helpful. The Holidays affect me whether I want them to or not and it was good to hear, “Remember that opening a door today that you have risked much to close, means you’ll have to start the process all over again.”
My family is all many states away but the narcissist I lived with and moved here to be with is still in town. He goes to my church and I see him several times a month. Recently, he broke up with the woman he replaced me with and has been flirting with me. When my father died this year I spent the night with him and there is now a crack in the wall of No Contact. I can feel it like a draft. I truly do have to start the NC process all over again. This Sunday the loneliness of the holidays really got to me and I almost succumbed to an offer to go to breakfast. Instead, I drove to the next town and got a cup of coffee and sat in the unusually warm day. As I sat there I had a kind of pep talk with myself, reminding me of how quickly I would feel bad, how humiliated I’d be when he found his next target, and how I was only a stop-gap between sources. It really helped. There was one image that stops me cold and I am going to share it in case others are in this boat: his phone. All the secret women who would text in the middle of the night. I’d hear that chime and just about go crazy wondering who — which one — it was. Even though now he is doing the charming, attentive flattering thing he does at the beginning, I know I would soon be discarded. I am one of many back-up sources. All I have to do is think about that chime.