“It is only in being stepped on that we have no choice but to learn to stand up for ourselves.” -unknown

Imagine for a moment that the purpose for every single one of us, was to learn, to grow and to become more God like. Imagine also, that we got to decide what lessons we learned, what parents we’d have, what bodies we’d live in, what obstacles we’d face and what people we would encounter.

Many people believe that we reincarnate. In fact, most Psychic Mediums claim that spirit tells them this is so. I grew up in a household with a Baptist mother and a Catholic father, so the concept of reincarnation is difficult to grasp. But let’s just say, for the sake of argument, that we reincarnate, which, in essence, means that our spirit has lived many lifetimes.

According to believers, we sit with our “panel” and determine what worldly experiences we should have that would bring us the knowledge and growth, that our souls are seeking.

For instance, if you wanted to learn self-love you wouldn’t be surrounded by loving, nurturing parents and friends, instead you would experience people who made you feel unlovable and worthless. If you wanted to learn about peace and harmony, you would be surrounded by people that try your patience and drive you crazy.

According to Psychic Medium and best-selling author Samantha Rosen, in her book, What the Dead Have Taught Me About Living Well, she says, “Spirits have communicated to me many times, that we all sign up ahead of time, before we’re born, for a particular life experience and we also choose our exit point, or time of death. Spirits refer to this as our Soul Contract.”

If this is true, then we really need to rethink our perception on all that has happened to us and the way that we react to it. We would have to look at obstacles not as annoying, inconvenient problems, but instead as opportunities for growth. We would have to look at the people that have hurt us, not with hatred, but instead with love and appreciation.

I have often thought about the concept that my ex-Narcissist and I had an agreement in the spirit world, that his behavior would be so horrific that it would change my life and wake me up in this world, by putting me on the path to healing and self-love. Without him and all the horrible things he has done to me – does any of my growth happen?

Wouldn’t that mean then, that we should pay special attention to and embrace the storms that happen in our lives, because these people and events are essential to our development?

So many of my clients say to me that they feel so strongly connected to their Narcissist, despite the pain they have caused them. While there may be a lot of Psychological reasons for that, perhaps the most important one is that you probably are a type of soul mate. Perhaps, only someone that really loved you in the spirit world, would sign up for your life altering experience – right??? That doesn’t mean that you’re supposed to be together romantically in this life, but perhaps you have lived many lives together.

Don’t get me wrong, this is a difficult concept, as evolved as I like to think I am, I still think that if my ex was on the other side of the street and he was on fire and I had a glass of water – I’d still seriously consider drinking it. Getting past the anger and resentment is no easy task, but the idea that, hey, maybe this was something I signed up for and something he signed up for, makes you think that all of the negativity we hold on to really serves no purpose and essentially only causes us harm.

The key concept here is that it is our soul friends that are our greatest teachers. They are the ones that we agreed would come and hurt us, betray us and devastate us. Imagine for a moment after your life is all said and done and you’re in the spirit world with your ex Narc reminiscing about the Soul Contract you made and how it all played out.

 “If we have just come off of an easy life, making little interpersonal progress, our soul might want to choose (to be) a person in the next time cycle, who will face heartache and perhaps tragedy. It is not uncommon for me to see someone who has skated through an unchallenging life, overloading themselves with turmoil in the next one, to catch up with their learning goals.” Dr. Michael Newton, author of Journey of Souls

The late author, Wayne Dyer always used to say, “Nothing ever goes wrong in my world.” He didn’t mean that his life was only filled with sunshine and green lights. He meant that everything was unfolding exactly as it was supposed to. I tend to look at life that way now. Nothing really rattles me and I never get too up, or too down. When I’m faced with a closed door I no longer try to force it open. Now I say, “That’s not my door.” And I look for another path. I tend to listen more to my life and my instincts, when I feel it’s time to make a change and other things are lining up, I make the change.

As the years have passed and I have moved farther away from the pain and the ending of my relationship, I have evolved into someone who is highly introspective and a seeker of truth and knowledge. I often wonder, how can I be angry with the instrument of that change (my ex)? I wouldn’t give up everything I’ve learned for anything. I am totally autonomous now and I live life on my terms, doing what makes me happy, free to experience and grow as I please. I wouldn’t change what happened…at the end of the day I’d say If I signed a Soul Contract with my ex – I made a pretty good deal and came out the winner.

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Image courtesy of dan at freedigitalphotos.net

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Written by Savannah Grey

Savannah Grey is a Freelance Writer, a Hypnotherapist, Consultant, Sports Fanatic, and Philosopher and has a degree in Psychology. She is the founder of www.esteemology.com, a website dedicated to educating and healing survivors of abusive relationships.