I get a lot of emails from people that are suffering. They are going through so much emotional anguish and they don’t know what to do. Sometimes they’re fine, but they’ll get a text message from their ex-Narcissist and it will send them into an emotional spiral. They need a healthy solution to alleviate the pain they’re experiencing and they need it now. I came across something a couple of years ago and was reminded of it this week, as I came across some writing by Gabrielle Bernstein.
I’m always looking for new and helpful ways to encourage and speed up the healing process, and I thought this technique could help a lot of people, but it’s not for everyone. If you’re sitting there perfectly calm and content, then this isn’t for you, but if you’re having trouble choking back sobs and you can’t get out of bed, to go to work, or you’re tempted to break no contact, then give this a shot.
Eastern Medicine and the Life Force
According to Ancient Eastern Medicine the human body is made up energy grids, or meridians, that allow for the flow of energy, to course through our bodies. They call this energy flow Chi, or our life force. Practitioners believe that ailments are caused by blockages in energy flow on this grid. Ancient techniques, like acupuncture, which is the insertion of needles into certain points along this grid, is used to release the blocked energy and restore proper balance to the body. Though acupuncture has been around for centuries, it has only been in the last several decades that western medicine has recognized its merits. It is now considered the preferred treatment for certain ailments.
Another Eastern technique that has garnered a lot of attention recently is the Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) or Tapping. It works off of the same principal as acupuncture and its aim is to unblock the energy flow that is responsible for our unhealthy feelings and impulses. Instead of using needles on the energy grid, we use firm pressure, or tapping on the body’s pressure points. It’s not something that you would use when nothing is wrong, just like you wouldn’t go and see an acupuncturist when there is nothing wrong with you. When you find yourself in the midst of high anxiety, depression, worry, or when that ache in your heart has become so great, you can feel it in your throat, that’s the time you want to try the tapping technique. The great thing about tapping is that you don’t need to make a doctor’s appointment, it’s something you can do, by yourself, right in the privacy of your own home and as odd ball as it may sound, it does actually work.
The first thing you want to do is measure on a scale of 1-10 the level of discomfort you’re experiencing. If you’re feeling a great deal of pain and sorrow and it’s severe, you can score that as an eight. I’m going to include a Youtube video at the bottom of the post, by Julie Schiffmann, that shows you step by step, what to do.
The pressure points are as follows: The first point on your body you want to tap is on the underside of the hand, the karate chop spot, below your pinky finger. This is the starting point .The next point you tap is at the top of your head, followed by the inner eyebrow, towards the nose. Then you tap the side of eye on the side of your head, then under your eye, then under your nose, followed by tapping the chin, then just under the collar bone. The next point is under the arm and the last point is the inside of the wrist.
As you tap these places you will be thinking and saying specific things. As you begin to tap on the karate chop point, mentally focus on what the problem is that you’re experiencing. So as you tap this spot, say out loud, what it is you’re having difficulty with.
Say as you continuously tap your karate point, “Even though I am feeling so heart broken, I love and accept myself. Even though I have all this pain and I feel it in my chest and in my throat, I deeply and completely love and accept myself. Even though my heart is broken and it causes me so much pain, I am open to feeling calm and relaxed as I release and let go.”
Move to the top of the head and tap as you say: “This heart break that I’m feeling in my body.”
Move to the inner brow and tap as you say: “This heart break that I’m feeling in my body.”
Move to the side of your head by your eyes and say, “This hurt is intense.”
Move to underneath your eyes and tap as you say, “I feel all this fear and pain in my body.”
Move underneath your nose and tap as you say, “It feels overwhelming.”
Move under your chin and say, “It feels out of control.”
Move to your collar bone point and tap as you say, “It feels as though I don’t have control over my body or my emotions.”
Move to underneath your arm and tap as you say, “I don’t feel safe here.”
Move to the top of your head and tap as you say, “I completely love and accept myself. I’m open to releasing these emotions.”
Move to the inner brow and tap as you say,” I don’t know if it’s safe to release these emotions.”
Move to the outer eye area and tap as you say, “All this fear.”
Move under the eye, “All this pain.”
Move under your nose, “I feel it in my body. All this anxiety and hurt.”
Tap on your chin as you say, “I love and accept myself. I know what it feels like to feel calm,”
Tap on your collarbone and say, “I know what it feels like to feel calm. I’m allowing my body to feel calm.”
Tap under your arm and say, “I’m releasing the pain and the hurt inside of my body.”
Move again to the top of your head, “Releasing the hurt and sorrow from my body.”
Tap on your inner brow, “I want my body to feel calm and content.”
Tap on the outside of the eye, “Infusing my body with love and joy and peace.”
Then under the eye,” Regardless of all of the pain and sorrow in my life right now.”
Tap under your nose, “I’m able to own my power.”
Tap your chin, “I’m able to control my emotions.”
Tap your collar bone, “My body is feeling calmer and more relaxed.”
Tap under your arm, “As I let go.”
Tap your wrists together and say, “My whole body feels calmer and more content as I release and let go.”
Take a deep breath and notice how you are feeling now. Tune into your emotions and remember how you were feeling before you started. What was the number you placed on your discomfort? Was it a 7, an 8, or more? Pay attention to how you’re feeling now. How would you rate what you’re feeling? Chances are you are feeling a whole lot better than you were a few minutes ago. If you are still feeling some discomfort, start the exercise again and be more specific about what you’re feeling.
Like I said earlier this may sound completely nuts to many people, but I’d say don’t knock it till ya try it. If you are in an emotional place that doesn’t feel good, and it’s preventing you from living your life, then give it a shot. Don’t drown your sorrows in a bottle of vodka, or stay in bed all day and cry – why not tap instead. It’s a much healthier way of dealing with unwanted feelings.
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I’m looking for freedom from this pain.
Hi, I don’t know if I’m just weird or what, but I tried this tapping thing and I actually feel worse now. I have a headache and a lump in my throat that weren’t there when I started. I actually feel more tense. Maybe I didn’t do something right but I’m not so inclined to do it again.
Savannah I can not tell you the difference you and your blog made in my life!
3 weeks ago when I hit my low thinking I effed up a relationship with my soulmate because I wouldn’t go the extra mile (really like 100 extra miles) AGAIN for “us”. And then I came across this and it’s like I woke up. I spent the whole day reading every article and each one was an aha! moment for me. But now I also realize that knowledge isn’t everything and actually applying the tools you give and fighting years of learned behaviors is not easy at all. So I was wondering if you ever considered creating a forum on this page? Sort of Narc Anonymous, where people can come and share their stories, be heard without judgment, and offer each other support during the difficult recovery period, especially when you feel your resolve getting shaky. It could be moderated and require admin approval to keep out any creeps. I know on a personal level I sometimes feel like I sound crazy trying to explain this concept to my friends and they don’t understand why I can’t just walk away. At those times I find solace in reading other people’s comments and realizing that no, I’m not making this up.
Anyways, just a thought. Regardless, thank you again, keep doing the great work and changing peoples’ lives, you really are.
I happened to discover EFT about 5 days ago and the results have been amazing! What a coincidence you have introduced tapping to your readers. I really like the statements to use during tapping that you have included–very specific. I also use statements to ease my insomnia–helping greatly. Tapping has literally caused my xnarc’s face to fade from my brain in a few short days.
Thank you for sharing! I wholeheartedly encourage everyone to give it a try.
I am so glad you posted this. EFT (and EMDR) can be so helpful for people who are suffering and dealing with trauma. Ever since May, I have placed myself on a steady diet of exercise, journaling, gratitude cards, affirmation cards and meditation (oh, and disco music too – no joke!). My favorite meditation exercise is using the Hawaiian Clearing Method. It can be found online. It helps me release and feel more calm.
LOVED this emotional feeling technique video with the nice brunette lady. It REALLY helped me A LOT!!!! Absolutely saved me from crying all day…agaoin. Love your site. It helps me tremendously. REALLY liked that EMT demonstration. I do it whenever I am feeling anxious, which is a lot and it is helping to keep me calm and feel less anxious. But, I like doing it best when watching the video and doing it along with the lady. Bravo. Keep up the good works. I think you are helping a lot of people.
Thank you. Perfect night to show me this. My heart is absolutely crushed right now.