Inside every codependent is a child, who has been mistreated, ignored, hurt, humiliated, frightened, shamed, or abused by parents, who were themselves mistreated, ignored, shamed and abused by their parents. When we were children we did what we knew how to do, in order to survive and to get our needs met. It is this same child that created how we cope, how we react and how we feel about ourselves. It is this child that has been running our lives as adults.

For much of my life I lived in a state of denial. Much of it was created by the Narcissists in my life, but a lot of it was self-induced.

Sometimes denial is just not knowing any better. It’s the state of having doubt, but not having the tools, or the experience to be more discerning.

There are different types of denial. Narcissist Induced Denial, Self-Induced Denial and a Lack of Experience type of Denial.

You can’t help but notice how charming the guy, 5 cubicles down from you, happens to be. He’s been flirting with you for a while now, brought you the muffin that you liked from the coffee place downstairs. He’s sweet, good looking, and smart, why shouldn’t I go out with him? You ask yourself.

Hey Gang!!!

Savannah here, many months ago I got an urgent email from a reader, who desperately needed to talk to someone. It was late at night and she was severely distraught. She had been used and abused by someone she loved deeply and was having a really hard time dealing with it. He went through all of her resources. He isolated her from her loved ones, he would disappear for days and weeks on end. But worse, he always made her feel like she was worthless. She was trapped in a cycle of abuse. She didn’t know what to do, or where to turn.

Tina was really mad at herself. She let Mark sweet talk his way back into her heart and now he was gone again, two short weeks later. She felt like such a fool. “Never again,” she said to herself. “I am so done.”

I remember thinking that there was a secret that everyone else knew except me. I thought once I figured out this secret, then my life would be okay. I would be okay, but despite my best efforts, the answers I was seeking always seemed to elude me.

Earlier this week I received a copy of the magazine that an article of mine appeared in. As I was flipping though it I noticed an article written by Eckhart Tolle, the best-selling author of The Power of Now. One of the main themes of Tolle’s work is that when you are in the present moment, ‘in the now,’ you cannot be harmed by the past and you aren’t anxious about the future. You are fully absorbed with what is happening around you at that very moment.