Once a person has gone through the process of ridding themselves of the toxic people in their lives, they will often find themselves all alone, or at least with a lot fewer bodies around. As they start to heal, they will seek out new companionship, looking for both new friendships and relationships.  One of the many benefits of going through the healing process is that once you learn what dysfunction looks like in people, you tend to start seeing it everywhere, which leave most wondering, if emotionally healthy people aren’t some kind of mystical creature, like a unicorn or a white buffalo.

If you’re lucky, you will reach a moment, when you realize, that the life you’ve been living isn’t working. Where you will finally have the eyes to see your own unhappiness and your lack of fulfillment and it will matter a great deal to you.

If you’re very lucky, you will have had a long list of relationships and events, in your life, that have been complete and

Is it the chicken or the egg? Do you love yourself first and then act like it, or do you act like it and then self-love follows? Or can you be in both spaces at the same time?

At the heart of self-esteem is action. It’s the implementation of self-care behaviors, that determine how one values themselves.

What that means is, If I do not love and value myself I may partake in activities that are self-punishing, and self-harming. Conversely, if I love myself, my behaviors will reflect love, respect and care for my well-being.  

“Self-Acceptance is my refusal to be in an adversarial relationship with myself.”   -Nathaniel Brandon

Toxic shame comes from growing up in an environment where we are taught that there are parts of us that are so ugly, so despicable, so abnormal and so grotesque that they must by hidden and tucked away and never discussed, acknowledged or brought to light – ever.  

“If they aren’t treating you right, it’s time to stop blaming them. If you don’t want to be a doormat, get off the floor.” – Charles Orlando 

Being self-assertive is a necessary element of self-esteem. It means respecting and expressing our individual wants, needs and values and to proudly and boldly be our authentic selves.

I found a neat little App on Facebook last week. You input a picture of yourself and it makes your face look perfect. The magic filter makes your face thinner, your skin flawless, your nose smaller and your eyes and lips bigger, then it puts you on a magazine cover. I mean, you could put the ugliest picture of yourself in and you come up looking like a super model – see above, that’s me – er… well, sort of.