When I was a young girl, there was a TV show called Fame that aired in the 80’s. It was about the experiences of young people studying at a school of fine arts. What was so memorable to me was a speech by Phylicia Rashad that occurred in the opening sequence of each episode. It went something like this, “You’ve got big dreams? You want fame? Well fame costs and right here is where you start paying – with sweat.”
Ingrid Roekke once said, “A child that is being abused doesn’t stop loving it’s parents, it stops loving itself.” A lack of self-love is the number one cause of toxic adult relationships. When something isn’t important to us we neglect it, we don’t treat it well and we don’t think much of it. But what happens when that thing is us?
She walked into the seminar room with her head held high. She was wearing a grey business suit with a white button-up blouse. Her hair was a unique hue of copper and blonde. Her stride to the podium was confident and graceful. If she was nervous about speaking in front of 100 people, there were no outward signs.
It’s normal to be sad after a break-up. They hurt after all. What adds to the anguish, though, is the fact that, Codependents have a knack of blocking out all of the bad stuff and making the tiniest decent gesture, by their ex, a monumental experience. When the time comes to morn the relationship, the tools you have developed, determine how quickly you’ll get over it.
You’re sitting at your desk at work, trying to concentrate and there it is, that old familiar feeling you know so well. That pain in your chest isn’t heartburn, it’s heartache. The feeling overwhelms you and you can’t shake it. This is nothing like you’ve ever dealt with before, because nothing makes it go away. It’s driving you crazy. It’s all you think about day and night and night and day.
Once a person has gone through the process of ridding themselves of the toxic people in their lives, they will often find themselves all alone, or at least with a lot fewer bodies around. As they start to heal, they will seek out new companionship, looking for both new friendships and relationships. One of the many benefits of going through the healing process is that once you learn what dysfunction looks like in people, you tend to start seeing it everywhere, which leave most wondering, if emotionally healthy people aren’t some kind of mystical creature, like a unicorn or a white buffalo.
Savannah Grey is a Freelance Writer, Hypnotherapist, Sports Fanatic and Philosopher. She has a degree in Psychology and is the founder of esteemology.com, a website dedicated to educating and healing survivors of abusive relationships.