There is nothing more tantalizing to a woman than the prospect of being the one who succeeds, where all others have failed. To reach the heart of an unreachable, reluctant man and have him fall madly in love with us, change his ways and give us the relationship we’ve always dreamed of. This is so enticing to so many of us because if we win, if we get to go where no other woman has gone before, then we get the validation that we all seek – that there must be something pretty special and irresistible about us.
Hollywood is full of such tales. Just about every Rom Com you watch begins with an Emotionally Unavailable, shady, or Narcissistic male, treating the woman in his life like garbage. Then, enter the heroine and you get two hours of how they stumble through various scenarios, until he eventually realizes that she’s the one, he gets his act together and they ride off into the sunset of wedded bliss.
What’s more disturbing is with TV shows like Two and a Half Men, you have Charlie Sheen, now Ashton Kutcher, in and out of several relationships per episode. The more they treat women like objects, the less they show any actual feelings or remorse, the funnier it seems to be. This type of pop culture has an enormous influence on what we begin to perceive as normal, acceptable relationship behavior.
Even the movies that followed the much beloved television series Sex and the City had women scratching their heads in disbelief. After 9 seasons of Carry writhing in agony, over the ever elusive Mr. Big, we’re supposed to believe, that after he kept popping in and out of her life, treated her like garbage, had affairs, married another woman, then cheated on his new wife with her, humiliated her time and time again – we’re supposed to believe that one day, he just decided to be a great guy and gave her the relationship that she deserved. Paleeeeassse.
While it is possible that some men do change, the majority do not. Change usually occurs after men reach a certain age, experience a crisis, or after some seriously deep introspection. It is a long process and is something that comes from within not from without. It happens on their time schedule, not yours and for their own reasons, not becuase you want them to. Many of these men are so out of touch with their emotions and are not capable of the self-analysis required for such a feet. Most men, that behave in devious ways don’t change and if you are involved with a Narcissist or a Psychopath you’re going to be in for a long, long wait.
So many women get caught up in being the winner, that they put aside their common sense and their own happiness to achieve it. Doesn’t it make more sense to engage with a man who actually wants a relationship, who consistently treats you in a loving respectful manner, who makes you feel good and cares about your happiness? The odds are if you get involved with someone who is reluctant, broken, Emotionally Unavailable, or a Narcissist all you’re going to get is disappointment after disappointment. Because here is the reality folks:
< If your man has habitually messed with other women’s minds, emotions and bodies, odds are he’ll do that to you.
< If your man has cheated on many of his previous girlfriends, odds are he’ll cheat on you.
< If your man cheated on his last girlfriend with you, odds are he’ll cheat on you with his next girlfriend.
< If your man has a pattern of blowing hot and cold in his relationships, odds are you can expect a cold front to blow in.
< If your man has habitually lied, manipulated and conned women in the past, odds are he’s lying manipulating and conning you.
< If your man has a string of ex’s he calls ‘friends’ and his phone is constantly going off, odds are they are more than just friends. And if he’s a Narcissist, they are part of his harem, he needs them, so don’t expect them to go away any time soon.
< If your man disappoints you again and again, odds are he’s managing down your expectations, so that soon you will expect nothing from him.
< If your man is feeding you lines like, I’ve never felt this way about anyone, I’ve never had this kind of connection with someone before, followed by talk of his love and his desire to marry you, a month into the relationship, odds are he’s future faking, so that he can get what he wants in the present.
< If your man makes promise after promise, but delivers nothing, odds are he’s stringing you along as an option, keeping you on ice for a rainy day.
< If you have had other women warn you about your man, you should listen, odds are you won’t, because you want to think you’re special enough to beat the odds.
Even if you did win, what exactly are you winning? If you know that your man has been dishonest, lacked integrity, hurt people without remorse, wouldn’t it weigh on you, that at any point in your relationship, this guy could revert to his old patterns of behavior? You’d constantly be walking around on egg shells, wondering when the other shoe would drop. Who wants to live that way?
“The best indicator of future behavior, is past behavior.” Dr. Phil
Look at it this way, if you had $10,000 to invest in the stock market, would you choose a company that lied and manipulated it’s books to make it look better than it really was, treated their former business associates dishonestly, had no integrity in their business practices and if someone in the know even warned you not to do it? Would you? No- you wouldn’t. So why would you take much more precautions with your financial resources than you would with your emotional resources?
If you are one of those women, who like to bet on a long shot, then go watch a horse race and start betting on the ponies and leave the gambling out of your relationships. Because betting at the race track might leave you broke, but betting on the McShadys of the world, will likely leave you psychologically and emotionally bankrupt.