It defies reason, logic and common sense, to want to hang on to someone, who treated you so appallingly. It’s almost addict-like behavior, complete with withdrawal symptoms, cravings and an inability to focus on anything else.
Why We Get Stuck
We call it love, because of the aching feeling in our chest, but the reality is, it’s anything but love. We get stuck in dysfunctional relationships for a variety of reasons, most of which fall under these categories:
Fear – We’re afraid of change, we’re afraid of being alone, we’re afraid of feeling rejected, we’re afraid that no one else will want us, we’re afraid of the unknown, we’re afraid they’re going to be a great partner with someone else after we’ve put in so much time and effort.
You’re caught in a trauma bond – You have an invalid belief that there is a strong bond between you and your tormentor. Shared trauma deepens the connection and feels a lot like intimacy, even if your partner is the one causing the trauma.
We want the peaks, so we’ll put up with the valleys – We mistake the intensity of the relationship for intimacy. The emotions we associate with being together are so strong and feel so good that we are willing to put up with just about anything, as long as we can occasionally get to experience those peak feelings again. When we aren’t getting the peaks, or we’re getting a very watered down peak, we get angry and discontented with the relationship. But if we can experience that high even once in awhile, we can magically erase or minimize all other wrong doing.
It’s where we feel comfortable – Being treated poorly is something we’ve grown accustomed to. It feels more normal to be mistreated, than to be treated with love and respect. We believe that we deserve it, we don’t love ourselves and we fully accept the notion that having someone that we love is supposed to hurt like this.
First and foremost the first step to getting un-stuck is to recognize that this isn’t love. It’s an unhealthy type of addiction.
Ask yourself what is it that I love about this person? Write it out on paper. Your answers will probably be something like: He/She are so good looking, funny, charming, smart, they’re amazing in bed, their personality fills a room, we have great memories…
When you look at your situation logically you have to take off the rose colored glasses and see things as they are not how we wish they were. If your reasons for staying with someone are because of the way they look, or how great they are in bed, we have to understand that these things are superficial and not stable. We’re all going to get old and slow down. There are lots of good looking people out there that are more capable of giving us a happier and a more fulfilling relationship,.
We make the mistake of only remembering the good times and only focusing on the parts of a person that we like, while completely disregarding all of the aspects of the person that has brought us here in the first place. When we look at a person’s compatibility we have to look at that person as a whole. It’s not enough to say, “He puts me down all the time and shreds my self-esteem, but man that Joe is a hoot at parties. What a sense of humor.”
To ignore the bad, is to ignore who the person really is. If your mate is great while he/she is with you, but then ignores you for weeks, until they want to see you again and then are on their best behavior again, when it’s your turn in the batting rotation, you have to really grasp what is going on here. If this is your situation, you have to admit that you are not in a relationship with this person, you’re just another brick in their wall of conquests and understand that the intense feelings that you are experiencing are not the same feelings that your mate is feeling. The few great hours that you are spending together along with the occasional text message, don’t make up for the days and weeks that are awful, while you’re painfully awaiting your next hit of them.
We have to also understand that in relationships where you’re Jonesing for your lover and you never know when they are coming or going, there is not going to be a happy ending. The odds aren’t in your favor. If your relationship has started off with lying, manipulating, cheating and a cycle of heartbreak, it’s not going to suddenly do a 180 and start being healthy and mutually fulfilling.
Once you are able to take them off the pedestal, the next step is to take control of your thinking. It may take some discipline on your part, but the thoughts that arise and permeate in your mind are, most definitely, under your control. The goal at this point is to get angry. While it may seem odd to advocate a negative emotion like anger, it is part of the recovery process. Living with anger is not a place we want to stay at permanently, but we do need to pass through it on our journey back to health. Anger fuels change, so at this stage what we want to do is start to associate your addiction/mate with negative thoughts and negative emotions.
For instance, when a thought pops into your head – a song, a memory, any trigger that takes you to feeling heartbreak and longing – you instantly put the word – JERK – in your head, or – BITCH – or ASSFACE….whatever words work for you and instantly go to that angry feeling.
So, it should work like this: Emotional/painful thought comes – you interrupt thought with an angry word and emotion – (JERK) and then you discard thought immediately and think of something else – preferably your goals and your future.
You control this. You know if you want to stop a thought you can, so any faltering is a lack of discipline on your part. You have to make the choice every time that you are going to be in control. You may slip at times, but you have to get right back to it. The key is to stop the thought before it takes you to that painful place where you don’t want go. To paraphrase Michael A. Singer, author of The Untethered Soul, it’s a lot easier to stop a thought at the beginning of the thought, than it is once it’s played itself out and brought you to a place of pain. So stop it early.
This negative association acts like a crow bar, separating us from the strong emotional ties that keep us stuck. In time we may want to feel compassion for the one that hurt us, but right now, it’s more important to allow yourself to be angry with them, to give yourself that emotional distance you need in order to break free.
We’ll talk about the next steps in next week’s blog, but the bottom line is, you can’t stay stuck on someone and a relationship that is causing you emotional harm – this is not a place that you should stay –ever. It’s like being stuck in quicksand, you can lie to yourself and say that you can get out whenever you want to, you can say that you’re making progress in the relationship, or even that you like it, but the truth is, you’re sinking and you need to break free and move on.
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6 days of NC and its so hard. I am having all kinds of thoughts going thru my head. I read an article about narc and that is not their fault and we should should treat them with kindness. I want revenge so bad. I have not blocked his number, deleted him and all his friends from FB. Trying to stay strong and keep readying all these blogs. I do have faith.
Appreciate these posts. I find the hardest part with initiating no contact is mutual friends. I am having the hardest time accepting that, as I have pulled away, he is increasing his charm. I am hoping that with continued work on self-love- I will be able to let go of these friendships.
I find myself in a pickle. I fully acknowledge my addiction and the unhealthy nature of my relationship to my narc. When I’m angry, I see much more clearly. My dilemma is, when the anger subsides, I get soft. I don’t long for a renewal of the relationship, I long for the connection and friendship that we had.
I know it was all contrived. I know it was only mirroring. But this is my first experience with a toxic narc relationship and it’s been 7 months since I ended it with her, but I cannot get her out of my head.
Just don’t know how to clear her or vacate my memory.
I have been three weeks NC. My x actually took pride in saying he was an asshole!!! Cheated on his wife most of his marriage…. probably cheated on me as well during our year untogether..lol…. is completely emotionally unavailable and yet… I held on to our NON RELATIONSHIP for a year!!!! have thought about driving by late at nght to see what he/s up to(how pathetic) but am remaining strong! This has been the most difficult thing I have EVER had to do.Yup, i live in a small town and yup it will bother me for sure to see him out w/ another chick but I just keep telling myself.. he’s her problem now…. Let’s all try to listen to our intuition in the future.. This guy had so many red flags.. I will be smarter next time around!!
It’s nice to be able to relate to so many versions of this same messed up relationship. I am talking to a therapist and she swears I am describing the same lawyer narcissist that another woman came to her about. In my gut I’m sure it’s the same man I am seeing just by the look of horror on her face. The best advice she gave is run and run faster he will get worse and he will hurt you and probably physically….I’m now running as of tonight.
I’m writing a book on this very subject – I’m a survivor of both my parents being narcissists. But, would you believe – I’ve been stupid enough to fall for a narcissist with a harem – I was in therapy for 4 years, then, met him – goes to show I have a long way to go in my recovery. I’ve become a survivor with a purpose – to educate the world! Thank you so much for your blog – I will be visiting often. BTW, I’m in the grieving phase of all this – ouch, does it hurt!
dear Savannah great post as ever. !to me anger is very tricky as it can turn to feeling of revenge .
I know we should turn anger in some positive strength for ourselves and move on. But it’s not always like that. Some times anger push me to expose him to public humiliation based on the secrets I know on his job.
I moved on with my life, ( 16 months of NC) but really I can’t tolerate he’s still with the woman he cheated me with, after he accepted an expensive present from me . ( he was already with her) and much more. I can tell he’s having the same bad behavior and she tolerates everything just bc she wants get married. But again if from here to 20 years I’ll know he lost his job and his wife left him…believe me.. I’ll be happy.
Ortensia when I write about anger I’m really trying to instil a measure of indignation into those who have previously been too nice, too accommodating and too doormatish. I want these people to get mad at the way they’ve been treated. Mad enough that they will no longer stand for it. Revenge is a different kettle of fish. Revenge stems from staying in anger too long. Anger is a part of the healing process, but it’s a place you want to visit, not put down roots.
I’ve been reading these blogs for a while since I first left my ex…narcissistic/sociopathic partner. This came at just the right time…I’m right at the point to now feel strong enough to finally realise that a one sided relationship where one person spends the whole time trying to “fix”,or make things better is doomed and in no way healthy. No one can walk on egg shells for ever and not crack them selves.
My ex was the charming Prince. I moved across the world to love and live him. Right after I moved in the mask slipped, but the rose tinted glasses stayed on for too long. He never ever took any fault or responsibility for his actions in the way he treated me. Messages on his phone, lies about how many times he had been married, past girlfriends (sex buddies not friends) all brushed aside and I was told I was a “horrible person”,for any mistakes I had made. I went from a confident women to a shadow of myself in months.
The final straw was finding.out he had been building a relationship with another women behind my back for months. He moved onto her within 2,weeks of.our breakup. Classic new supply and adoration that these pathetic creatures crave. So insecure and tortured they cannot be happy without this constant praise… Funnily enough so didn’t want him.
Anger is not healthy to hold onto but it helps in the early stages. I do hope he is miserable. Its so sad. He had someone that truly loved him..but.couldn’t love back.
This post has given me the strength to go NC and see the light finally. We are amazing and deserve more than the crumbs from the table of love.
Still trying to get over mine.
I was engaged to be married in October and one day, my Narc started a fight and that was it. He left.
Finding out he already had someone lined up was devastating to me. He owes me a ton of money. Tens of thousands. He tried the old sweet talk routine to keep me on the side but that won’t work. I went NC and I know it bothered him.
He did come by one day to bring me flowers for my birthday and a card that said sorry about the concert.( which I bought the tickets for. ) Then proceeded to send me pictures from the concert. I did not respond.
He also came by unannounced and tried hugging on me and I told him not to touch me and to save it for his new girlfriend. I called him on his crap and he got pissed! I don’t care. He reminded me we were supposed to be married in X amount of days but we are done. I knew this already. He also told me his personal life is none of my business. I also know this. He did not hurt me with these remarks and I showed no emotion. That too pissed him off!
I haven’t heard from him since. I just wonder how long it will last this time. He has his narc supply and seems to be satisfied for the time being.
The best thing I can do for myself is be as well educated as I can and work on me. I need to be one step ahead of this monster. I don’t want him to ever hurt me or my child again.
Thank you for your articles and the time you take to help us Savannah, it means the world to us.
I was in a relationship with my high school sweetheart for 13 yrs. It was a great relationship up until his divorce. That’s when he changed and became narcissistic and began drinking.Every time I caught him cheating on me he would play the victim. After the fourth woman I finally opened my eyes and seen him for what he was.He never apologized, just carried on like I was supposed to accept it. He called me one morning on my way to work and begged me not to c one by,I knew something was up so I went by anyway and what did I find? Another woman in his apartment cooking him breakfast. Wow! That’s when I finally said “I’m done!” Walked awAy and never went back. Now I’m fighting my emotions and struggling to not contact him. Yes I miss him, miss the good times we had, but I’m accepting the fact he will never change. He has already moved on with a new woman in his life and flaunts it in my face but I’m trying not to cry because I’m still in love with the person I wanted him to be.I feel sorry for her because she has no idea what’s coming her way.
I have been reading your blog for well over a year. I left my husband last year and have spent the past year piecing myself back together. Your blog has been instrumental in helping me heal and find myself again. Every single article you have written speaks to me.
I am past wanting my husband back, but I do feel compassion for his situation. Ever since I left, he’s been struggling emotionally and professionally. He immediately started seeing a counselor who opened up deep wound – childhood trauma that was never recognized by or dealt with by his parents. Now that I’m legally allowed to file for divorce, I don’t want to because I want to give him time to deal with his pain and to become stronger for our children. He does seem to be taking a path to a better self. I feel strong enough to extend this grace to him. Do you think I’m doing the right thing? Thank you for any advice you can give.
When I read the trailer in my email yesterday, I said, “I think I have finally let go.” However, today I read it, and find that it helpful. I really like the idea of the negative thoughts. I think our minds are programmed to always remember the best of the past, and that serves us well many times, but reminding ourselves simultaneously of the worst times is essential in this situation. We certainly “must never forget.” Thank you.
Perfect timing with this article.
My ex-wife had an affair with one of my best friends whilst we were getting married. I found out 3 months later and we separated. We had been together 11 years and have 2 children.
We spent 2 years trying, well me trying everything and her doing very little. It now feels like she hates me, like everything is my fault. She seems so happy with the guy she had an affair with.
They are building a new life and I am stuck in this constant depression, anxiety, feelings of wanting my old life back. I struggle to move on despite the horrendous things she has done to me.
It is all so hard. I feel like I won’t ever be happy with anyone ever again. I felt like she was th e one. Can’t really believe where my life is right now. Dark thoughts.
Hello fellow survivors!
I am 10 days out on NC. I could have and probably should have played it out different in the end. I had told him a year ago to call on someone else from now on. He persisted with the mis-texts sent to me with other girls names for weeks, broke down and talked with him. He apologized for the way he is, I am a forgiving person and we have unusual relationship being long distance and occasional hook ups only, we both knew it was sexually based, I still allowed him to manipulate me back into relaxing my guard so HE could do the dumping as he was ready to now that he bought is house on the river. Invited me up to see it, called me to make sure I was still coming which I was in route an hour and half. I asked if I should pick up anything..and ring off. About 4 minutes later he mis-texts me again! With “sorry Amanda can’t make it haunt dinner with fam”. Now I don’t know what the hell to make out of this sick mind fuck game he is going on about, but I am only 10 minutes from his place and have to play this shit through. I had a little voice tell me are you ready for this? Remember I haven’t been out to see him at his place in over a year when he called me off from seeing him with the same kind of text. Fam bbq and too much work that time. Anyway, I also was instinctively told to take in my cd for music and get it playing right away. I had smile on my face and genuinely happy to see him and proceeded to be myself and open with myself and spirit. I could see he was on edge and never has known how to take my upbeat ness all the time. I sure didn’t even mention the text start dancing a bit to the feel good music Ali Farka with Ry Cooder all I can tell you is that music saved me as it is spiritual, healing, hypnotic.. So I could manage to get through the trap that was waiting for me. So.. Now that he has me her what does a narcissist do to someone all happy and good feeling about themselves? Well they show their love of 13 years the water down quick version of him in his love nest that you get to see and visit once so you will know what you are missing. This is the part where I am now laughing in retrospect, because it wasn’t so special for me as it was in his mind. Ladies to the right will be where the hottub goes, let’s take a drive to the woods and go to where the 2 rivers meet.. And even show someone where they would probably make love at near the big tree on the rivers edge.. But not for the generic tour, so move along time for the next stop, bath time in his tub, (last place he was renting was pretty sad) now picture him drawing the bath and disappearing, he was barely present this last time and then seeing him getting into the tub without even aware of my presence. It was like watching him make love with himself, because we didn’t actually take a sensuous bath together as he got out almost as soon as I got in. I bring all this up as after reading your articles is whatt you have said about.. It makes no difference to them, pain or adoration. Whenever I get sad for a minute I get mad and then feel sorry for him as he thinks I am mad jealous with his new source. Reality is she is probably a new roommate that he can fuck over in a few ways. I will never forget how he cheapened the whole thing.. Practically selling tickets to see his crazy ass circus. I fell right into his payback mode but I am free. Whenever I think of what him with a girl by the river? That moment of when I saw how cold and calculating he really is. He could just as easy slice your throat.. After all I was the open hearted, kind spirited fool being led out for his sacrifice. ICHHH… Cold and mean spirited. That and I like to remember him making love to his own ego in the bathtub. Yep it is a freak show ladies and gentlemen step right up. Hurry hurry gets your tickets.
Think it’s hard to let go thinking that his charm will work on the next victim. I’m jealous and I really shouldn’t be. Idk why. People tell me all the time that I can do sooo much better than him and I don’t deserve this. Maybe I am afraid of being alone. Iv lost myself and I’m not sure how to adapt to life without him being in control of it.
Absolutely love this article. But the trouble I’m having is everytime he’s being “good” I can’t seem to get mad even though I know he has Instagram and gets bikini pics sent to his phone. I’m stuck in his game of “Clue” I’m addicted and can’t seem to solve it completely. I’m praying for the day I have real hard evidence to make him look like the true ass he really is DNS j can walk away with freedom of satisfaction. I know it sounds stupid but that’s the way I feel I have to have end it. He lives with me in my house so im not sure how to bring it all about. Being in a toxic relationship and dealing with codependency is hard enough. Maybe counseling will help but afraid to make the call especially when my world revolves around his schedule. I have no life and can’t let him know I’d be going to counseling. He’d only call me a psycho and accuse me of cheating on him.
Savannah, seems every time I’m feeling weak, you write another article that is directed directly towards me! Thank you, and I look forward to part 2 next week!
Wow, reading this article was unsettling, which in my case is a good thing. 35 years I spent in a one sided marriage. We have 4 children together, all adults now who couldn’t be happier that their Mom has a chance for a better life. At the end of things, almost a year ago I would pray asking God to help me get out. He did. Now I have to stand strong as Mr. Narc fights me on every aspect of divorce and separating our financial life as well. He thrives on any kind of drama. I cannot wait to be free of him forever! Thank God for my therapist through Victim Services, she is quite literally my angel here on earth. Putting the pieces together as to why I believed I did not deserve better all those years ago has been eye opening to say the least. Learning new thought patterns and techniques to move forward helps SO MUCH!! Your tip to immediately think of an angry word to replace getting caught slipping those rose colored glasses on is exactly what I’ve been doing. I wish my ex nothing but good in his life, but for right now I have to still be angry in my thoughts about him in order to self preserve and get through the court system. Again, LOVE these articles! They help so much in my recovery. ❤️
Thank you for your kind words Kerry 🙂 and well done to you for staying No Contact for a year, that’s brilliant!!
I went No Response beginning of November last year but that didn’t work as receiving his text messages still affected me. No Contact definitely works as we start to focus on ourselves and not them and eventually they become insignificant.
Yes I’m working on my boundaries too and learning to like and love myself after this terrible experience.
You stay strong too, and keep up the good work..
Here’s to No Contact!!
Lucky for me, after about a years relationship with my “N”, I happened to somehow come across your articles describing Narcissists and what they’re all about. They described him and our relationship perfectly. However, I held out hope that it was not really true. You see, right now I’m 73 years old and have been in a relationship with him for over five years. I had lost my husband of 40 years just two and a half years before meeting my “N”.I have no living family and not many friends locally, because it’s a retirement community and most of the people are now “snowbirds” and the full time residents have either died or moved back to be with family as they aged. I had some friends here when I first met my “N”, but they have all gone in the time I was concentrating on my “N”. My “N” was so charming and fun. He wanted to know everything about me. Little did I know it was only to use it against me in the future. Our relationship was a long distance one because I live 2,000 miles from him in my hometown. He made many promises to me, all of which he broke. He insinuated me into all of his friends and family, and now I have the pain of having to divorce myself from them as well although they are wonderful people. One of the reasons that the red flags I saw were ignored by me was because of the great group of friends he had. I thought that if they liked him, he must be OK. The persona that he presents to them is the same one that he showed me at first. I have since figured out that he never shows his Narcissistic personality to anyone other than those he is closest to. He now demeans me to his friends and family. In the beginning, he loved everything about me and little by little he found fault with anything I did. I tried to please him but no matter how hard I tried, it was never enough. We just broke up about a week ago, but I have to say that it was a relief. I am in a lot of pain, because he called me every night for five years and we talked on the phone for up to 13 hours. So, of course I am suffering from withdrawal. Although I am back to being very lonely and it’s especially difficult for someone my age to make new friends, etc., I am now determined to do it. He was so controlling that I just stayed home and waited for his calls, which were what I lived for. Thank you for your blogs. It’s a great service for those of us caught in this ugly trap. I know that without them, I would never have known just what was going on. My late husband spent our relationship building me up, since I have had self esteem problems stemming from birth to parents who didn’t want me (an only child of only children), and would not allow me to socialize with others, even though they paid no attention to me whatsoever. My father worked, came home, ate dinner, read the paper, took a nap and then settled in front of the TV. My mother napped most of the day after I came home from school, getting up to fix dinner, do dishes and watch TV. I was left alone and even discouraged from talking at the dinner table. My “N” tore me down so badly towards the end of our five years together that I thought I had no self worth whatsoever. He even told me that my husband probably didn’t really love me, because no one could stand me. I agonize over that and wonder if it could be true. I will stay “no contact” and continue to get support from your writings. Please don’t stop publishing them.
Spot on Lola!!!
This is one of your best blogs ever! It describes my life to a tee. All of the reasons that you shared for staying I can relate to. I left my narc in November was divorced in May and it amazes me how true to life with you say things are. He was having booty calls with the lady that took care of our pool and her husband was aware and did not care however she does not want to leave her husband. So now my narc is sitting there all alone and blaming me for what I did to us! Good riddance and here I come new life!
It’s amazing how our expectations manage to be lowered to where if we just get some measly text or some like on FB it can send us soaring for any length of time. Basically we’re then setting our minds up to be satisfied with just little crumbs and minimum contact, thinking, ‘at least he’s thinking about me.’ Yes. AT LEAST.
Those crumbs are so dangerous–they’re like little withdrawal drugs that they throw your way to give you a high and keep you waiting for when he will ‘come around.’
It’s SO much better once you go no contact–those crumbs no longer come your way and so they don’t matter. You get to focus on fixing you, rather than what’s going on within this other person.
Yes! I remember with the short-cycle relationship narc; we both belonged to the same forum and I craved some sign or recognition from him after we finished. The slightest comment on my posts had me hooked all over again. Such a little thing, but so powerful when your mind is completely fixated on the person.
Something that amazed me is how I fixated on someone who didn’t exist. I’d built him up in my mind as the person I thought he was…who I wanted him to be…when we started getting together, and it took me a long time to realise that he is nothing like that man. It was a strange thing because it was that image that kept me hanging on and hoping for the signs that he did love me after all and wanted to come back. And yet it was all in my mind!
^This. Was in a LDR. And I feel the ‘little crumbs’ thing that you speak of. When communication goes from ‘i miss you’ or ‘i’m going through something….’ can you help me?’ to my need for greater communication/intimacy for literally once a week stable FaceTime and that feels like too little. A like on an IG post or a heart here and there feels like EVERYTHING. But in reality, you want more communication and more ‘how are you?’ instead of a damn ‘i miss you.’ The crumbs are real but you are worth so much. You can give so much love.
Thank you so much for taking the time to encourage victims of this vicious cycle. Unfortunately I share a son with my Narcissit and seeing him every week made it extremely hard to escape.. I did exactly what your article advised, I got mad every time. I promise you, it works! I am totally free and seeing him doesn’t trigger any emotions whatsoever. You have to be consistent and train your brain, otherwise you will keep being a victim. My recovery would have been much easier with 100% no contact, unfortunately having a child makes it impossible. No matter the circumstances, it can be done! Great job Savannah and I look forward to your articles every week.
Perfect timing-thanks. When there is a year memorial or distance from something my Mother taught me that you will have strong memories-it is how humans are-and that has come up for me. This is just what I needed. And in December the first week is when I dumped him-even though I feel strange about that. 3 months later while accidentally seeing him in the parking lot-he told me he was going to rehab and a I relented into tlaking to him and trying to support him-but did not re-engage and would never even let him kiss me and so he started acting disinterested so I quit supporting and talking…e probably just wanted a chance to dump me back. I need to maintain the feeling of the truth that I withdrew and kept my distance-that I was not the victim. I kept myself from being one when I saw he was a manipulator and had relational problems. so now he is a moody non drinker. He was actually quite pleasant and sweet when he drank. Not so much now I bet. OH what a mess I saved myself from. And he looks 10 years older than he is. He sort of stalked me in the beginning. So I call him PERV OR PREDATOR, ….I like asshat it is a finessing kind of word, he hee Happy future , women, it is possible for every darn one of us. And controlling your thoughts is the great necessity of life. Even Mr. Perv said he had to to not go to his Sports bars -so they do it- OF COURSE we have to.
This has been one of your best blogs!! I love how you broke it all down. I lived with my narc 5 years – suddenly it just ended. He has completely disappeared from my life. I have gone through the stages you spoke of. I seem to still crave this person that treated me so badly – and only remember the good things. I amazed how quickly they just forget you – how he had no regard for me or my feelings. I read your blogs every week. Thank you so much. Every time – I feel like you are writing about my life. Thank you today for giving me clarity.
Thank you so much for writing this. This blog hit home for me and has a lot of great advice!! It was as if you were talking right to me. I looking forward to reading the second part next Monday.
So brilliant and I recognise every single word you are saying. So glad that I am not alone in my crazy.
Fantastic blog Savannah..
This was me last year, in a barely there relationship, seeing him every two to three weeks if I was lucky, feeling on top of the world when I saw him then waiting anxiously for the next text and during that time I would feel so down and worthless. As Savannah describes so perfectly I was just another brick in his wall of conquests and I was just waiting my turn.
He was always in control, it was all about him and what he wanted.
I use to feel upset and hurt but now I’ve replaced it with anger because I see him for what he truly is.
When I look back I can’t believe I let someone treat me in such a disrespectful way.
It’s been 5 weeks No Contact and the fog is starting to lift and I’m feeling better.
Looking forward to next weeks blog. 🙂
K- I just had to reply to you as my situation was very similar to yours. I’m out a year now and feeling so much better. I’ve learned that I have to know my worth and my boundaries! No one deserves to be treated that way!! Stay strong! Things will only continue to get better from here! Hugs!
It’s exactly that, my experience. Still trying to improve managing the thoughts
Like anything in life. You do the work, focus on the work. The results will materialise
Thank you for all your work and supporting women to be all that they can be