Many recovering Codependents find themselves completely uninterested in starting a new relationship. They struggle with the fear of being powerless and caught, once again, in a Narcissist’s trap. Many build up walls and refuse to let people in. They’ve become emotionally unavailable and distrusting of anyone looking to get close to them. Their armor is thick and impenetrable.

“Self-Acceptance is my refusal to be in an adversarial relationship with myself.”   -Nathaniel Brandon

Toxic shame comes from growing up in an environment where we are taught that there are parts of us that are so ugly, so despicable, so abnormal and so grotesque that they must by hidden and tucked away and never discussed, acknowledged or brought to light – ever.  

“Those who don’t know the value of loyalty can never understand the cost of betrayal.”  – Unknown

The worst part about betrayal is that it doesn’t come from your enemies, it comes from people you know and trust.  It is one of those character-defining actions that speak volumes about a person’s integrity. Likewise, your behavior following a betrayal also speaks volumes about your emotional health.

“If they aren’t treating you right, it’s time to stop blaming them. If you don’t want to be a doormat, get off the floor.” – Charles Orlando 

Being self-assertive is a necessary element of self-esteem. It means respecting and expressing our individual wants, needs and values and to proudly and boldly be our authentic selves.

I found a neat little App on Facebook last week. You input a picture of yourself and it makes your face look perfect. The magic filter makes your face thinner, your skin flawless, your nose smaller and your eyes and lips bigger, then it puts you on a magazine cover. I mean, you could put the ugliest picture of yourself in and you come up looking like a super model – see above, that’s me – er… well, sort of.

“If you don’t set a baseline standard for what you’ll accept in life, you’ll find it’s easy to slip into behaviors and attitudes or a quality of life that’s far below what you deserve.” – Anthony Robbins

Our standards are correlated with our level of self-esteem. People who have high self-esteem expect a lot from themselves and from others. Conversely, people who don’t think much of themselves, generally don’t have high

Codependents want love. They seek it above all things. When parents teach their children that they are unlovable, it becomes the mantel they wear throughout their entire lives. It’s the reason behind the void they cannot name and it radiates throughout every adult relationship they will ever have.