“I never would have left.” That’s what I said to my long-term Narcissist, during one of my futile attempts to get him to stay. “I never would have done this.” The scary part is –  that was the truth. It didn’t matter how much pain he caused me. It didn’t matter that nothing was about me, or that I had no idea who I was anymore. None of that mattered.

I went to the grocery store last week and as I was loading my food onto the conveyor belt, at the cashier, I felt a very familiar feeling. I made some pretty good food choices that day. I had lots of fruits and vegetables, some protein and I permitted myself to buy something sweet. Just a small one-time snack that would be done in one sitting.

Inside every codependent is a child, who has been mistreated, ignored, hurt, humiliated, frightened, shamed, or abused by parents, who were themselves mistreated, ignored, shamed and abused by their parents. When we were children we did what we knew how to do, in order to survive and to get our needs met. It is this same child that created how we cope, how we react and how we feel about ourselves. It is this child that has been running our lives as adults.

For much of my life I lived in a state of denial. Much of it was created by the Narcissists in my life, but a lot of it was self-induced.

Sometimes denial is just not knowing any better. It’s the state of having doubt, but not having the tools, or the experience to be more discerning.

There are different types of denial. Narcissist Induced Denial, Self-Induced Denial and a Lack of Experience type of Denial.

You can’t help but notice how charming the guy, 5 cubicles down from you, happens to be. He’s been flirting with you for a while now, brought you the muffin that you liked from the coffee place downstairs. He’s sweet, good looking, and smart, why shouldn’t I go out with him? You ask yourself.

Hey Gang!!!

Savannah here, many months ago I got an urgent email from a reader, who desperately needed to talk to someone. It was late at night and she was severely distraught. She had been used and abused by someone she loved deeply and was having a really hard time dealing with it. He went through all of her resources. He isolated her from her loved ones, he would disappear for days and weeks on end. But worse, he always made her feel like she was worthless. She was trapped in a cycle of abuse. She didn’t know what to do, or where to turn.

Tina was really mad at herself. She let Mark sweet talk his way back into her heart and now he was gone again, two short weeks later. She felt like such a fool. “Never again,” she said to herself. “I am so done.”