It’s that time of year when I like to look back, on the year that was, and reflect on some of the major lessons we’ve discussed here on this site. So without further ado here are nine major statements we made this year:
You Don’t Need Anyone’s Permission: So many people are stuck in dysfunctional relationships because they believe that they can’t leave. They stay because they are accustomed to bad treatment, or they’re afraid to change their circumstances. They tend to lack the will, or seem to require approval and support to make a decision and they lack the fortitude to take action without back up, or proof. The notion of just being unhappy with the way you’re being treated, or just not being happy, doesn’t register as being a good enough reason to end the relationship. We need to be aware of our feelings and we need to practice Self-Care, whereby we always act in our own best interests and always have an awareness of our wellbeing.
Always Seek Stability: Whether it’s financial, or emotional, we should always be striving to limit the drama in our lives. One should not spend time or energy with individuals whose behavior can be so out of control that your jaw is resting comfortably on the floor. If someone keeps showing you crazy, then they’re crazy. I don’t mean a little crazy, cuz we’re all a little crazy, I mean shock you kind of crazy, I did not see that coming, kind of crazy. Don’t waste your time with people who want to upset your apple cart. If someone keeps showing you how unstable they are and causing you to feel unstable yourself, remove them from the front row of your life. You don’t need it.
Dear Little Voice – Shut the Hell Up: When we come from an emotionally abusive environment we probably heard a lot of criticism and walked out of our childhood feeling broken and not good enough. The funny thing is when we grow up and move away from our abusers, the abuse doesn’t stop there. Instead of our caregivers beating us up emotionally, we take on the job ourselves and beat ourselves up and we do it via our little voice. How many times has that little voice led you to a place of hurt? How many times has that little voice talked you into something you know you shouldn’t do? How many times has that voice sabotaged your success? This little voice that keeps telling you that you’re not good enough is the disease of codependency – you are not this voice. Be aware of it and know that you don’t have to listen to it. You can tell it to shut the hell up.
Stop Looking for a Reason to Be Offended: We live in a world of political correctness, but some people can take that too far. Some people are consummate victims. They like the status. I’d rather find humor in everything, rather than always being on the alert for some slight or perceived hurt. This week there was a new guy at my work. He had made some errors and I pulled him aside because his errors were affecting my job and I told him the proper way to do things. A half hour later the boss comes up to me and says, “Peter said you gave him shit today?” I started laughing and said, “No I told him how to do things properly and I even used the words, ‘I’m just telling you,’ in the nicest way I could. Should I have given him a teddy bear and a cuddle instead?” Don’t be overly sensitive and always looking for an opportunity to be a victim. You’re tougher than that. Find the humor in everything instead.
The Power of Indifference: The above example segues nicely into this one. I could have been upset at Peter. I could confront him and say, “Hey, cry baby if you think that was me giving you shit, boy you ain’t seen nothing yet.” But I’m not going to do that. Why? Because I don’t care. That may sound harsh, but it’s obvious to me that Peter is extremely sensitive and has some issues that have nothing to do with me. I’m not interested in fixing Peter’s issues. I’m not interested in getting revenge on Peter. I’m content to know that the guy’s problems have nothing to do with me and I’m not going to spend one second internalizing why he said what he said. As a recovering codependent it doesn’t mean that I’m not nice or compassionate, what it means is that I’m not responsible for someone else’s behavior or feelings. I just pass it back to him and go on with my day.
Maintain High Emotional Energy at all Times: You don’t attract what you want, you attract what you are. If you spend your time focusing on low energy people, you will exude low energy and thus attract low energy experiences. Get rid of the energy suckers, start meditating and practicing gratitude and put yoursself into a higher emotional energy state.
Be Aware of Codependency in your Life: Be very aware of the way that you communicate with yourself and the core beliefs that you hold. Look for ways in which you beat yourself up for not being good enough, or your beliefs about needing to be perfect. Do you find yourself saying, it’s okay for other’s to think and act one way, but not okay for you? Do you have a dysfunctional relationship with yourself? Do you feel guilty or ashamed for being you?As you go throughout your day, be mindful of all the ways in which you punish yourself for being you. The more aware you are that this is your disease talking and not the truth, the sooner you will beat it.
Let go of your grief energy: The only way past your pain is through it. When we bottle up our feelings and try to suppress our emotions they don’t just go away. Instead they manifest in other ways in our lives. One such way is by creating emotional triggers. When faced with a similar experience it will bring up painful feelings and memories that we thought we had buried. Instead of running from your pain, move closer to it. Sit in it and marinate. Get comfortable and realize that it can’t hurt you, that you are so much bigger than your pain, so much stronger than your pain. Release it and let it flow through you.
Always, Always, Always Practice Self-Care: Self Care to me, means that I take care of and am responsible for, my own needs. I am constantly looking out for my wellbeing and I don’t engage with people or activities that are harmful to me. I don’t put others needs ahead of my own and I don’t hurt myself to make someone else happy. Self-Care isn’t about being selfish or bitchy. It’s how healthy people behave on a day-to-day basis and something as codependents we were never taught. It’s putting you first – where you should always be.
Alright my lovelies, my football team just got embarrassed, I mean humiliated, so I have to go and release some of my grief energy. Have a safe and Happy New Year and we’ll see you all in 2016.
Your Comments!!!!!!
Image courtesy of Serge Bertasius Photography at freedigitalphotos.net
You have sound advice written in such an accessible way. I particularly like the part about carrying the abuser with you. It is so true and a part of the baggage you have to unpack and leave behind. It feels good to have other people out there in the world being supportive!
I feel frozen in time…literally…but reading this post made my feet feel wet. Maybe they will complerely thaw and I will run like a deer.
Presently, actually for a week, I have been in a fabulous fight with Vertigo. I am sure I feel like Rousey did after that round with Holmes. I made it alone to the Dr yesterday. In this week my “significant” other hasn’t so much as offered me a glass of ice. However tonight, while I’m dosed on Phenergan and Diazapem he’s angry with me for not fixing his dinner. He managed to serve himself something to eat but only after leaving all the kitchen cabinet doors and drawers hanging open. I opened a couple more for him when I got my tea a few minutes ago.
I am 20 years in this…52 yrs olds…and feel perhaps I’ve simply waited too long. I feel lost in space…longing to find the gal I know I am and just be me. I don’t even feel I have a spouse I have a critic. No sex in 4 years now. Just don’t know if I can shake off the damage.
God bless you all with the most wonderful year of your life. Thank you Savanah more than words can express for the guideposts you offer…I am stumbling through the storm from one to one.
Fantastic post Savannah.
Your posts have been a tremendous help and I have learnt so much.
My life has completely turned around and I’m feeling stronger and better than ever.
Happy New Year Savannah.. keep the wonderful posts coming 🙂
Thank you for your words. I need them in my life so much. 2 years narc free & much better now. I still look so forwards to your words to remind me 7 keep me present to where I never want to be again. Im doing my work because WOW!! Do I attract the narcs like crazy!! Lol!! I spot them now but still find it hard at times to pull away from that encompassing embrace. gaaahhhhh……facepalm!! Im learning & absolutely no contact as soon as I realize now that a date is a narc. Thank you for continued support & learning :0)
Hi Sav.
I cant get enough words to thank you. I was in hell with a Narc relationship. There were so many days I wish I could die. But all is gone now. Thanks to your blogs I am in a better place now. 2016 will be a great year to me and my two boys. You should get an award for saving so many lives,mine is one.
Can I please please ask you one question?
Can a narcissist ever be happy? I always wonder about this.
Thanks Savannah. God bless you. Have a great year!
Adele: A Narc can have moments of happiness sure. They are able to feel a spectrum of emotions. Their ability to feel empathy is impaired and this impairment leads them to have dysfunctional interpersonal relationships. You can’t have a happy healthy relationship with people without empathy – it’s a necessary feeling when you’re looking for something meaningful and truly intimate.
I’m a pretty happy person by nature. I call that my default setting. A Narcissist’s default setting is generally anger and misery and it’s no wonder when you have to rely on other people to regulate your self esteem. Thanks for your kind words. Happy New Year.
Jesus loves you Savanna 🙂
You can’t teach a dog nuclear science and you can’t teach a narc to be a decent human being. But You can break through what seemed to be an endless cycle. Through much prayer I have been guided to the Bible first, and then blogs and videos like these that explain the pervasive demon-possessed world we live in. For Bible readers does anyone remember the story of the rabid demon-possessed man that was terrorizing a town but Jesus rebuked him, saying, “Be quiet and come out of him!” See even Jesus was like NC with demons.
For those wondering if a narc can ever change I believe through prayer alone we labor for souls, it’s the only method you can reach hearts of stone. It’s not your work though, but the work of Christ who is by your side, that impresses hearts. Including our own.
The Lord will hear our prayers for the conversion of souls. In the meantime love GOD above any man or woman and cling to Him who can heal like no other.
Wishing you all a year full of God’s promises.
I was going to apologize for sounding preachy but it’s a new day why would I do that?! 🙂
To Layla, I can’t make the reply button work. I so hope you successfully fought your urge to text and that you have sought support for depression. It is very very hard, esp at times when you think everyone else is out having fun. No easy answers but please stay strong aa you can, be nice to yourself and know that you have many fellow travellers who follow this blog.
Hi, I’ve been following here for a very long time but this is the first time I’ve commented.. I’ve been NC for over a year. Have had a wonderful year with my kids, back studying & a new job. Read all about Narc’s trying to get back into life after a long time but never thought mine would . How wrong I was! I heard his mother was sick in October & of course the txts started coming through ( I have to have his number as he is a coach in my sons sport) I passed on my sympathy but as she got worse he sent updates. Before I knew it, I was txting now & again asking how she was, not good.. I kidded myself into thinking I don’t care or have feelings for him but I felt very sorry for him . I got txt on 28/12 saying she had died & I know it’s harsh but I know he is using this is an opportunity to get back in, knowing my compassionate side will take over .. I re read this post this morning as I will see him today at a race & I pray that I will continue to be strong in this new year & not get sucked into his sad life again. All the comments on here have helped me tremendously over the last few years & I want to Thankyou all ..
It’s New Years Eve and I am feeling lonely and weak. I am fighting the urge to text him. Wish I had a sponsor to tell me NO! Contact is not an option. It really is an addiction. A year and a half of NC and I still wish sometimes things were different but I know they will never be. I’m afraid of growing old alone and lonely. Depression can be paralyzing. I have learned so much but it’s still difficult. …..
HI Savannah, I am ending the year on a very happy note, very different than the beginning of the year when my Narc hung up and broke up with me! I have not only become the woman I always knew I could be and BELIEVE IT!I had low self-esteem and became a co-dependent. I know now how I want and should be treated. I have shared what I learned in this past year with other women who have similar issues.Shared your blog also!! I have started to date again and am being careful…looking for signs, taking it slow and asking questions not only of myself but also of the men I am dating. I NEVER want another person to feel as I have for 50+ years and keep making the same mistakes over and over again in relationships. I am in a good place. I rely on my faith a lot also! Yes I am a Packers fan too and was soooo disappointed in their last game and loss too. I hail originally from Wisconsin (born and raised)!! So thank you for helping to get me where I need to be and now I will continue to grow and love the woman I am today. Thank you and God bless! Happy New Year to you and new beginnings for all!
Kerry: Standing, applauding. These are my favorite type of emails. I love a good success story and I feel like there should be some kind of ceremony when you finally reach that place – like we should all stand around and I should be giving you a green jacket like the do at the Master’s tournament. lol.
Thank you for all the support you offer in recovering from a narc relationship. As always, the holidays seem to be a more difficult time. My 12 year relationship with a narc ended shortly after he asked me to marry him…followed by a Confession that he wasn’t ready to commit and move forward. Almost immediately he started dating someone, bragging about it. With your help I’ve learned to take better care of myself both emotionally and physically. Two years later I’m still recovering from the pain but look back on your posts when the going gets tough. Thanks for sharing so many stories that tell the real truth of living with a narc.
Thank you for the summary of what I’ve been trying to do for 6 years after leaving a horrible marriage and Narcissistic families on both sides.
I’ve had to cut off and shut out alot of people. They are terrorists without guns. Emotional destruction.
I’m still waiting for some euphoric happiness to flood in someday, but for now, peace is all I need.
Thank you, God Bless Everyone
Dear Savanah,
If it wasn’t for your blog i would’ve lost it completely. Thank you for adding in my recovery. I love you
Thanks so much for this post! I really needed a reminder of 2015 in review and this was perfect. Your posts have helped me immensely by teaching that the little voice usually has nothing positive to say and usually leads me to destruction. Also, that I don’t have to prove myself to anyone anymore and because of you, I also am keeping a “No Journal” where I write down every time I’ve told someone no, laid a boundary, the outcome and how it made me feel. I am able to look back and realize that telling someone, or even myself NO, never ends up in world destruction like I had thought and IM the one who ends up happy and that’s a huge step for me. I never said no…not anymore!
2015 was a whirlwind and I feel better equipped to heal and move in the right direction for once and continue to lay down those boundaries in 2016!!
Happy New Year to Savannah and everyone here. I wish you all a better, stronger, happier 2016 filled with lots of self-love and healing!
Must have been the Steelers.
THANK YOU!! This is the BEST most healing thing I’ve read in 2015. Can’t wait to share. Happy 2016!
No Tam – my team is the Packers…this is by far the worst I’ve ever seen this team play in the Aaron Rodgers era. One and done this year I’m afraid.
The one I have to remember is that I do not have to prove myself to anyone. When they label me stuck, or not moving on fast enough…..they have no idea how much progress I feel inside of me. No need to even explain myself. Maybe learn to say “thank you for sharing that, but it’s not how I feel”
Your posts have been so very helpful to me over the past year. Thank you!!!
Great lessons, and great to get a recap at this time of year.
The self care message, the “go f** yourself” to the negative voices, the focus on positive energy — those are the ones I really needed this year.
They are all useful to me as I deal with the “10,000 joys and 10,000 sorrows of life,” as the Buddhists say. Even the ups and downs of my sports teams, which I (like you I guess Savannah) take very seriously, being a passionate fan. (In football I am a Patriots fan from my years in New England. Bruins fan in hockey too. Sorry Sav.)
I get nervous when one of my favorite teams is in a big game. So much so that I sometimes need to just record the game, and only watch it later when I calm down. I follow it on my phone while distracting myself with other things. (And if we lose tragically I can just erase the recording.)
I used to give myself a lot of crap about this. And I took a fair amount from other people. The funny thing is that when I was playing sports seriously I rarely got nervous, but it’s harder to be a fan because you have no control over the outcome.
Anyway now I just say, “that’s the way I like to do it.” I don’t take any crap. If I need to take a walk or a bike ride during a big game, I do it. That’s self care today. If someone is mean-spirited about it, I practice indifference: I don’t care what they think. If I start in with negative messaging (“maybe you are a wimp, what a baby,” etc.), I say “f** off. This is how I do it.”
The bottom line is, sports are supposed to be fun. I enjoy immensely re-watching the victories and dissecting the positive plays in great detail. (How many times have I re-watched the 4th quarter of last year’s Super Bowl? Couldn’t say but 20 at least . . .) So I do sports now the way I want to, the way that seems fun to me.
I also take note when I hear of other fans who are the same with their teams. In fact several general managers in baseball and basketball confess to doing the same thing I do. Some of the best people in sports are the same way because they care so much.
This is all in a way a gift from the former Narc in my life. I had to look very hard at myself to figure out why I took her crap. The result was that I went to war with the shame that lived inside me for many years. And now, with help and reinforcement, I do life differently. I take care of myself and celebrate myself, and I ENJOY it!
Best of everything in 2016 to all Esteemology readers. If you are new here this may all sound far off and irrelevant, but stay with NC and work on yourself and you too will come to appreciate your own little quirks and wrinkles. It’s been true for me, it will be true for you too.
HC not the Deflatriots!!!!!!!!!!! I too record the games and I can’t sit still while the game is on. I’m on my exercise bike or pacing. It makes me crazy nervous too. I would guess that a lot of fans are like this. When I walked into work this morning my coworkers were talking about the Phantom of the Opera and they asked if I cried at the end. I said, “No but I cried last night when my quarterback got sacked 9 times.”
Love your words!
wonderful – thanks so much x
Great, amazing, encouraging!!! Taking all this with me onto 2016