“You create your own universe as you go along.” – Winston Churchill
Tanya and her siblings were taken from their home when she was just three. Her mother had tried to kill them by starting a fire in the family home and leaving them alone inside. Tanya was later adopted by kind, but deeply devout Jehovah’s Witness parents. Her adoptive parents moved from the UK to North America and she moved across the pond, leaving her siblings behind. She rebelled against such strict religious doctrines as she got older and was rebuked by the church community and her parents for her teenage angst.
Tanya married at 20 and had two daughters in quick succession. Her husband was immature and emotionally damaged and after a practical joke gone wrong on the jobsite, he lost his job and not soon after, left his young family.
She spent almost a decade struggling to put food on the table and keep a roof over the head of her two girls, without any help from anyone. Then she met John. He was more than a decade older than she, he had a good job, loved her children, she was happy, so she married him.
Things seemed fine for a while, but slowly the relationship began to deteriorate. John’s health wasn’t great and they were fighting all the time. There was a lot of resentment and animosity between them. The toxicity of their environment was palpable, but they continued to reside in the same home, living separate lives and silently hating each other into old age.
At one of the most important moments in Tanya’s psychological development, she experienced trauma. What she learned at this juncture is that people are not to be trusted. If you can’t trust your mom who can you trust? Children have an amazing ability to make everything their fault. She internalized ‘I’m not worthy of love – or else mommy wouldn’t have tried to kill me, I’m not good enough and I can’t trust anyone not to hurt me.’
With these beliefs buried deep inside of her, she attracted men that would arouse those feelings in her – men she couldn’t trust.
Recently, while her family slept, a man broke into her home, stole her valuables and her car. When I heard this story it didn’t surprise me at all. I was amazed though at how the universe worked, because this woman is always a ball of anger, misery, meanness, vindictiveness, and insecurity. She is so mean and nasty to everyone, she trusts no one and I couldn’t help but think that she brought this experience to herself.
Before my life fell apart I was miserable. I was in a relationship with a Narcissist and I could feel my soul being sucked away from me, I hated my job – I mean hated it to the point of panic attacks, my relationship with my family was bad, I had no friends, I didn’t feel comfortable in my own skin, I was insecure and I hated myself. When I look back at the car accident, that changed the entire course of my life, I realized it was the accumulation of all of those feelings and beliefs I’d been carrying around with me. It was one big explosion of negativity that I had brought forward.
Rhonda Byrne’s documentary, The Secret, was in its heyday at that time. I must admit when I was at the lowest point of my life I watched that video every day, trying to lift myself out of my despair. I visualized, I made a vision board, I meditated and I tried as best I could to stay positive.
Slowly, but surely things started to change for me. I suddenly had all this time and money to figure stuff out. I went to South America and I lived there for a while. I stayed at a Greek Orthodox Monastery in Michigan, while being neither Greek nor Orthodox and got to talk to and hang with the most incredible Monks on the planet. I remember walking with this young Monk along the beautifully manicured lawns and gardens and the way he looked at the trees and the flowers, with such awe and appreciation for their beauty – there are just no words for what I witnessed and learned there. It really put me in a state of joy, the likes of which I’d never felt before. The atmosphere was so incredible, it really was beyond words.
I got really, really fit. I ran and hiked through nature every day. I looked and felt better than I ever had in my entire life. I reconnected with friends I’d been forced to give up. My relationship with my brothers became stronger than ever. I went back to school. Everywhere I went amazing things were happening. My life for a good couple of years was magical.
Then…..life happened. I got busy with work and life. Things were good. I was content, nothing bad happened, but I had stopped meditating, threw out the vision board, stopped visualizing and was just focusing on day to day tasks.
I suppose I got a little disenfranchised with The Secret’s mandate of: Ask, Receive, Believe. It was too simple, it didn’t work, because if it did, I’d have my millions and I’d have everything I dreamed of by now and I didn’t, so there must be a problem with the theory.
For the past several months my attention and my focus has been on what’s happening in the Middle East. I was getting inundated with information about ISIS, North American and European Immigration policies, the treatment of Middle Eastern women, the happenings and the people protesting in Europe – I was so involved in what was happening – to the point where I was emailing local and federal politicians demanding that they do something before our country became overrun with immigrants, who meant to do us harm and defeat us from within, without our notice.
“Whatever you’re thinking and feeling today, you’re creating your future. “ -Bob Doyle
Watching videos from an organization called Britain First, and on the demise of Holland and Denmark due to over-lenient immigration policies, protests by the German people, No-Go zones and murders in France, and the activity or inactivity of Obama, had made me really angry, paranoid and frustrated, because I couldn’t do anything about it.
For a few months I was kind of in a bad mood.
Then the Universe gave me a big fat wake-up call to remind me that I better be mindful of my thoughts and my feelings, or else I was going to get a big dose of exactly what I was thinking and feeling. All at once:
- My cat got sick. I love my cat – he’s like my child.
- Insomnia – I could not sleep at all for days.
- Trouble at work.
- I got an email from a legal company threatening Esteemology with copyright infringement.
Life is full of little peaks and valleys. I know things aren’t always rosy, but I’m a very spiritual person and I don’t believe in coincidences. I thought here is a lesson in the making and I need to take control of this.
I plopped on The Secret – I haven’t watched it in ages, but I figured I needed the reminder and the inspiration. I remembered one of my favorite authors, Wayne Dyer writing about how someone tried to sue him for copyright infringement for his book, Living the Wisdom of the Tao. He was going through a divorce at the time and his thoughts were angry and negative. He said as soon as he changed the way he was feeling and he started to feel forgiveness, everything changed.
“What you resist persists.” – CG Jung
As soon as I pieced together what was happening I decided to shift my perspective. All of this extra stuff on top of what I was already feeling was making me more anxious, more angry and more frustrated. So I started to meditate. I brought myself to a place of peace and calm. Then I went to my computer and deleted everything to do with ISIS and the Middle East. I took my cat to the vet. I got a lawyer and I got back to practicing gratitude throughout my day.
My cat was fine, I started sleeping soundly, my work trouble went away, I got asked to write an article for an Indian publication called Complete Wellbeing Magazine and my legal issues were nothing more than a cyber bully, who I’d never heard of and whose site I’d never been on, making laughable claims and trying to intimidate me.
My lawyer sent an email stating that you cannot copyright titles, phrases and ideas and to send her the alleged copyright infringement and proof of copyright and that she could not find any trace of this lawyer or law firm and that we would no longer reply to emails from a Yahoo email address. We didn’t hear from them again.
The point I got from it all is – when you are carrying around all this negativity, consciously or subconsciously, it is going to manifest in your life, somewhere and somehow. When you make a conscious effort to keep your thoughts and feelings positive it will make a huge difference in the quality of your life. Distance yourself from the negativity, don’t let yourself become inundated with it. Be happy, practice gratitude daily and get rid of anything or anyone that stands in your way of that.
There are people that are extremely critical of the Law of Attraction and will dismiss it outright, like Tanya and that’s ok. There are some who have tried it and failed – I’ve been there too. I think Ester Hicks said it best, “You will win the lottery when you’re no longer surprised that you won the lottery.”
Getting to that place of absolute certainty is tough, especially when we are still unconsciously plagued by negative feelings from our past that we haven’t healed from. You can’t attract positive things to you when you carry the belief that I’m not good enough, or that I can’t do anything right. They cancel each other out. You’ve got to do the self-work and heal before you can get anywhere near that state.
I’d love to stay and write more on this, but I’ve got to run – I’ve got to go out and get some construction paper. I’ve got a new vision board to make.
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Image courtesy of Franky 242 at freedigitalphotos.net