For much of my life I believed that relationships hurt. I thought that love equaled pain, because when I was in love, it always ended up hurting. Somewhere, subconsciously, I believed that that’s how you knew you were in love – it hurt.

Not surprisingly, most if not all of my relationships, ended with me feeling that way, regardless of who did the leaving. Heartache was always my default setting and it went with me everywhere I went.

Unbeknownst to me at the time, I was creating that negative, painful reality for myself. I was attracting men and situations that would all eventually hurt me in some form or another. And since I was down all the time, everything else in my life suffered.  I was sending out vibes of hurt, frustration and negativity and the universe was responding back with experiences that mirrored my suffering.

These days it’s universally accepted that we are energy. Ever since documentaries like, The Secret, we have also come to believe that we are energy in a vibrational state. The Law of Attraction and Quantum Physics tells us, that whatever we are a vibrational match to, we will attract into our experience.

What I came to understand, is that you cannot be sending out vibrations that relationships hurt and that I’m unworthy of love and at the same time be involved in a healthy fulfilling relationship. The two things are mutually exclusive – you cannot be doing both at the same time. The universe just doesn’t work that way.

To paraphrase Esther Hicks, the author of The Art of Allowing, our thoughts and our feelings are an indication of the vibrations that we are sending out to the universe. You cannot be constantly feeling a lack of money and expect to have money flowing into your bank account.

Author Wayne Dyer tells us, in the Power of Intention, to always think from the end, meaning to imagine yourself already in possession of the things you wish to draw into your experience. To feel and act like you’ve already acquired them. Hicks goes further, describing that this feeling of already having what you desire must be stronger than hope, stronger than a wish and even stronger than a belief. Where most people get stuck, is on their ability to allow what they desire into their experience. That to allow means to expect, not merely just to believe, but to convince yourself so thoroughly, that you already have what you want – that you expect it to come to fruition.

“When your desire becomes your dominant belief, its attainment is inevitable.” Neville Goddard  

You see examples of this everywhere. As I was gathering material for this piece, a colleague of mine revealed to me that he was adopted. He said his parents had tried for years to get pregnant, but were unsuccessful. They went to doctor after doctor and there was nothing physically wrong with either of them, but it just wasn’t happening. His mother’s sister had been told by doctors that she was infertile and that seed of information had become her mother’s belief, that she too was infertile. Once they adopted a baby, they got pregnant shortly thereafter and they gave birth to three children in quick succession. You’ve heard stories like this all over the place. So what happened?

The vibrations that they were sending out to the universe went from – I can’t get pregnant, we don’t have a baby, we’ll never have a baby, there is something wrong with us, to – we have a baby, a baby is here, there’s no need to worry. And low and behold, now they have four beautiful, healthy sons.

There are those that have made a science out of feeling good and keeping their vibrations positive. Oprah Winfrey demonstrated on a documentary of her last episode of The Oprah Winfrey Show, how she controls what she allows into her energy field. As she said goodbye to many of her staff, that she had worked with for decades, they were quite emotional – she on the other hand remained cool as a cucumber. Her emotions never wavered and she even explained that she couldn’t ‘go there’ with them. She recognizes that if you allow sorrow inside, it will manifest in other areas of your life. So she just doesn’t allow it in. Her guru, author Maya Angelou has stated, that if she has invited someone into her home, who happens to make an off colour comment, she has no problem asking them to leave, as she believes words are powerful and negative dialogue taints her inner peace and vibrational harmony.

There are many people who have mastered the art of manifesting. They have made a conscious choice to eliminate all sources of negativity and drama from their lives and they have learned to control their inner dialogue and what they allow to affect them emotionally.

“Inner peace begins the moment you chose not to let another person or event control your emotions.”  – Unknown

I can remember consciously knowing that a certain relationship was bad for me. It hurt when I was with him and it hurt when I thought of not having him in my life. I knew I had to make the break, but I felt weak and powerless against the powerful emotions that were going on inside of me. I was on an emotional roller coaster and I was afraid to get off. Most people that are involved in unhealthy relationships know they should leave, but they are immobilized with the pain and the fear that change brings. Fear of being alone….fear that no one else will want them…..fear of not being able to take care of themselves financially…

We know that if we are feeling bad on a daily bases, that we are bringing more bad feelings to us. If we chose to stay in a situation that makes us feel that way – that feeling bad becomes our everyday emotion.  That’s what we are sending out to the universe on a consistent basis. If we believe that we aren’t good enough, we aren’t worthy of love, that our boyfriend/husband doesn’t love us, or that they are going to leave us/cheat on us – if we’re putting that out here, then that is the reality that is going to come hurling back at us. Only when we take control of our thoughts and our feelings and deliberately steer them in the direction of what we want, can we change our vibrational energy.

Changing Our Vibrational Energy

Awareness: The first step, is to become mindful of our feelings on a daily basis. What is your emotional default setting?  Determine what your core beliefs are about yourself? Do you feel unworthy of love? Do you feel that you are flawed and not good enough?

Change the story: The second step is changing the scripts that we tell ourselves. We all have that little voice inside of us that tells us that we aren’t good enough. What we must understand, is that we are in control of that little voice. We can stop it before it leads us to feelings that are painful and negative. Instead of allowing those harmful thoughts to colour our beliefs we can change the story that we tell ourselves. We can interrupt those thoughts with a more positive dialogue. We can tell ourselves the story of our lives the way we want it to be. Esther Hicks says, “A belief is a thought that we keep thinking.” So if we change our thoughts about ourselves, then we can change our core beliefs, by continuing to think improved thoughts.

Pinpointing the emotional triggers:  Life happens to everyone and there are going to be times when we react to the things and the people around us in a negative way. The third step is to pinpoint the emotional triggers in our lives that cause us to lose our emotional balance. We weren’t meant to live our lives on an emotional rollercoaster. We must first acknowledge that the poor behavior of other people has nothing to do with us. We mustn’t internalize other people’s judgment and opinions and we must become aware of the people and situations that push our buttons and cause us to get out of balance with the way we want to think and feel.

Eliminate unhealthy people and unhealthy circumstances: The fourth step may seem drastic, but if we keep allowing people to treat us in an unhealthy disrespectful way, then those negative vibrations will always be there. If someone’s behavior is toxic and unpredictable, we must eliminate them from our lives. Once you’ve gotten rid of the drama, you’ll find that you haven’t lost anything at all, but gained a great deal of peace and stability and opened yourself up to healthier people and healthier experiences.

Practice: The fifth and final step to deliberately changing our vibrational energy is to practice the art of allowing by consciously making the choice to feel good. Take every extra moment in your day to feel happy, to feel gratitude for all of the blessings in your life. Be still, quiet your mind, control your breathing and feel your connection to source energy. Allow feelings of love, peace and abundance to flow out of you. Once you arrive at that point, you will be in vibrational harmony with anything that you wish to manifest, so begin to visualize the experiences that you wish to have, while continuing to emit the positive emotions of love and gratitude. Throughout your day feel and behave like you are already in possession of what you wish to have. For example if your desire is for money, while you are driving to work in your car, behave and believe that you are behind the wheel of a Ferrari. Feel the way it would feel driving an expensive car. Direct your thoughts to what it would feel like if you were rich. Would you feel carefree? Would it feel like you had no pressure or stresses in your life? Like you could do anything? Go anywhere? Stay with those feelings throughout your day.

The more you practice being aware of your feelings, changing your inner dialogue, eliminating the toxic people from your life, meditating and actively visualizing and behaving in ways that are congruent with what you want, it will become habitual. And what you will find is that the universe will open all sorts of new doors for you that match your new vibrational frequency.

I don’t focus on hurt and frustration anymore. These days my focus has shifted from what’s missing in my life to nothing is missing in my life. Once you accept that you are the captain of your ship, you can steer it in whatever direction you want.  Make the choice to keep your thoughts and emotions positive and you will find, as I did, that there actually is nothing missing from your life.

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