In my journey from pain to self-love the first step for me was recognizing who I truly was. As I discussed in part one, entitled Spirituality, when I finally realized that I was this massive, powerful eternal being, my beliefs about me changed. Knowing that I was a huge energy field, capable of all things – I could no longer look at myself as a weak, helpless, out of control, victim.

Once I got that, I realized that all the baggage that I had been carrying around with me wasn’t mine. It belonged to my mother, my father, my siblings, my friends, the bullies at school and every man I had ever dated.  I had been walking around with hundreds of pounds of other people’s junk that didn’t belong to me. I was able to see that the criticism my mom so lavishly heaped on me, was the same baggage that was heaped upon her and I decided I wasn’t going to carry it anymore. When my boyfriends would act in an unkind and disrespectful manner, I stopped taking the blame for it. I stopped internalizing their bad behavior and I gave them back their baggage and handed them their walking papers.

If I wanted peace and harmony in my life I was going to have to create it myself and that meant getting off of the emotional rollercoaster. It got easier and easier to spot dysfunctional people as I got healthier. When someone would threaten my equilibrium, that was a huge, glowing, red flag. I listened to my feelings and I no longer wanted to spend time with anyone whose behavior set off the dysfunction alarm.

I wanted a new life. I had finally realized that I was worthy and deserving of all that life has to offer and one of the biggest pieces to that goal was maintaining that inner peace and staying off of the rollercoaster.  I had to take a starring role in my own life. It had to be all about me – my dreams, my goals. You can’t be focused on you and dating a self-centered ego maniac at the same time.

I stopped dating for about a year. I knew that if I kept dating without getting myself healthy I would just attract the same guy with a different face. So I worked on my self-esteem and I got my emotions under control. At this time, the Law of Attraction was common knowledge and I devoured every piece of literature on the subject that was available.

I wrote out a plan of what I wanted to accomplish and who I wanted to be and I started to realize that the Law of Attraction wasn’t something that you can do randomly and periodically. I had to think of it as a discipline- something that had to be continually practiced every day.

There were so many critics along the way that would say to me – that stuff is just a fad – what, so if you don’t get what you want, it’s because you didn’t want it badly enough. They tried to convince me that it was preposterous to think that my thoughts affected my environment, that the theory could never be proven. So I put it to the test.

I began focusing on black Porsches. I had pictures of them everywhere – at home on my fridge, at work and even on my phone. When I got into my car every day, I would pretend it was a Porsche. I drive an automatic transmission, but I would keep my hand on the gear shift and pretend that I was shifting gears in my manual Porsche.  What happened was, I began to see black Porsches everywhere and I mean everywhere. I was seeing 3-4 a day. The critics jumped up and said, oh they were always there, you just never noticed them before. I stopped listening to the critics.

A lot of this theory was trial and error, but what I soon realized was that you can’t focus on something for a few days here and there, be positive on and off and hope your desire will come to fruition. I truly came to see LOA as a discipline, because it’s a mindset, along with certain behaviors that must be consistently practiced 24/7.

The Law of Attraction

There is so much literature on the Law of Attraction and I have no interest in reinventing the wheel, but what I do want to do is sift through all the excess and point out what I’ve discovered to be its most salient points.

The most important component is belief. When you are certain that something is going to happen – you expect it. Expecting is a lot stronger than believing – when you expect something to happen you’re focused and you behave like it’s already a done deal.

When you think and behave like your goals have already been achieved you are changing your vibrational frequency to match that of your desire. This behavior and this behavior alone, is how you get into vibrational alignment with your desires.  If there is one shred of doubt – you are out of alignment. Being in alignment means being absolutely certain – without a doubt.

If you wanted to win the lottery and you were focused and positive – thinking about how you would spend the money, some of the time, but your general default setting was – I’m always broke – I don’t have enough money – and you bounce between the two thoughts – your alignment is all over the place. You cannot manifest wealth while still having a mindset of lack, even some of the time. You cannot have two opposing thoughts. This is where most people get stuck and discouraged. You must stay focused and keep your emotions in check, no matter what else is happening in your life.

It’s harder than dieting, because you can’t take a day off if you’re having a bad day. You have to train your mind to focus and learn to control your emotions.  When doubt or sorrow start to creep in, you stop them in their tracks, before they lead you where you don’t want to go.

Easier said than done right? Especially when there are a lot of low energy people in your life. And by low energy I don’t mean lazy or unmotivated. Although that might be true too. I mean people that are critical, negative, judgmental, disrespectful and unkind. This is why I always say, if someone makes you feel bad, puts you down and criticizes you – get rid of them. You cannot be in alignment with your desires and feel pain at the same time. You cannot be in alignment and believe that you are unworthy and unlovable at the same time. If your thoughts and the people you allow to occupy your energy field are vibrating at a low frequency and your desires are vibrating way up there, you will never be in alignment.

Esther Hicks says that a belief is just a thought we keep thinking. Your belief, that you weren’t good enough, probably started by someone telling you so. You then found evidence to support that, then you looked for more and more came, because you kept focusing on it – then with all that evidence you gathered, you convinced yourself it was true.

If you want to change your beliefs, keep thinking new thoughts and look for evidence that supports your new theory. Keep thinking it and keep looking for proof that you are worthy of everything your heart desires. When you do this, you will change your mind about you and you will find the proof you need to support your new theory.

This is your life and it’s time you took center stage. Recognize that you are an incredibly powerful eternal being capable of all things. You control your thoughts. You control your emotions. You control your behavior. You control your environment and you are in complete control of your destiny. It’s time to put you first and let go of all things that keep you out of alignment with your desires.


In part three of the change your life series, we will talk about motivation and where the Law of Attraction falls short – how nothing happens without action.

Thoughts to Steer By:

Accept the notion that you are a divine eternal being capable of all things.

Eliminate all low energy people from your life (they will keep you at a low energy frequency and hinder your ability to manifest your desires).

Think of the Law of Attraction as a Discipline that must be continually practiced 24/7.

To obtain your goals, your thoughts, emotions and actions must be in vibrational alignment with that which you wish to manifest.

You must have an expectation that your desires will manifest. A hope, wish or belief isn’t strong enough. You must learn to eliminate all doubt.

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