When I first approached Max about doing another interview, he sounded pretty excited about it. I could tell this experience was pushing his need to be ‘special and unique,’ buttons. But when I met up with him, it was quite a different story. His mood was dark and his energy was very odd. I felt uncomfortable, so I decided to jump right into it and get it over and done with, as quickly as possible.
Sav: So Max, my readers want to know if you are still with the same girlfriend?
Max: I have no girlfriend, my heart is empty. I’ve grown even more distant recently and I’ve realized this, so I’m taking a step back and just trying to be alone until I come out of this.
Sav: Come out of what? Are you depressed?
Max: Yeah I’m depressed. I’m not bummed out or sad. I’m just angry. My thoughts are horrible lately.
Sav: What kind of thoughts are you having?
Max: When I hear about people in Syria, or Afghanistan, or wherever, getting shot and killed – I like it. It makes me happy.
Max: You heard me. If people die and are miserable, I feel better. When I see couples at the mall, being happy and holding hands, I feel like punching them in the face. It makes me angry.
Sav: Wow. You seem really agitated and upset today. What’s going on with you?
Max: I think I need to be on medication, but I hate taking it.
Sav: What’s the cause of all this hostility?
Max: Money, girls, sex. I’m 31, single, living at home and I’ll never meet anyone. That’s why I’m miserable. My stock is tanking. My booty call no longer talks to me. I can get girls, but I’m not into the girls who offer. I wanted this teacher, but she’s done with me. (He shows me a Facebook profile of a beautiful woman).
Sav: My readers would like to know if you do a lot of online dating and if so, what sites do you use?
Max: Tinder. Plenty of Fish, Match, OK Cupid. But I’ve cut down on the sites that I use. I’m not putting in any effort right now, because I know how life works. I won’t find anyone until I’m happy with myself, so I’ve saved myself the frustration and just stopped dating.
Sav: So what we are witnessing here is you going through “supply withdrawal?”
Max: I guess.
Sav: My readers would like to know, when you are online and looking at profiles, if there is a particular type of woman that you pick? What is it that you look for?
Max: I always have a type. I look for successful, educated girls. I prefer brunettes usually. I like a nice slender body, but sometimes I pick one not as good looking as me, because I just want their undivided attention. I want them to be thrilled with me and appreciate the fact that I picked them.
Sav: How could someone protect themselves from being targeted by a Narcissist?
Max: You can’t. Even educated, healthy women have chinks in their armor. We find the weak point. We look for easier marks where we don’t have to put in as much effort – people that are too nice, too naïve and who don’t put their foot down, people we can manipulate easier, someone who will allow us to keep some sort of game going.
Sav: What happens when you like a girl and she likes you?
Max: I’ll screw it up. That’s why I’ll never find someone. A girl has to spend a lot of time with me and not pressure me. And I have to wake up one day and decide that I can’t live without her. If I like her from the start – it’s over
Max: Cuz my brain does bad things. It’s always thinking of her until it’s exhausted. I over analyze. I check my phone all the time to see if she’s contacted me and when she does, I have to think about how long I should wait to respond, what I should say. If she doesn’t contact me, I’m stalking her online to see what she’s doing – if she’s logged into a dating site, talking to other guys, when she should be contacting me. I get obsessed. Oh the mental games my brain plays. It’s exhausting.
Sav: Wow that does sound exhausting. You kind of sound like an obsessive type of predator.
Max: I am a predator. Sometimes I pick women and I send them a c**k pic. (Nude pictures)
Sav: Oh… and why would you do that?
Max: Some women compliment my body and it makes me feel good. I’ve posted nudes of my body all over the internet. There are sites you can go to, to do that. I love it when girls like my d*ck.
Sav: Max, tell me honestly, how do you feel about women in general?
Max: I don’t feel good about them, don’t trust them. Sometimes it feels like they are the enemy.
Sav: What about me, your mom, or your sister?
Max: You’re fine.
Max: Because I know I can’t date you, so there is no threat to my ego.
Sav: What about your mom?
Max: I don’t know.
Sav: Your sister?
Max: Sometimes I hate her. She talks down to me and chimes in when I’m bickering with my parents. I’m done with all her brother sister drama. You know I’m really a miserable prick. I’m a boring guy, I don’t do much. I play guitar, play video games. I don’t go out much. I wish people would just leave me alone. This is why I don’t talk to people when I’m like this.
Sav: Can you tell when and why you slip into these moods?
Max: I didn’t use to, but I can now.
Sav: What does it feel like? What are you experiencing?
Max: I feel frustrated, like I’m stuck and I can’t move and it makes me angry.
Sav: Have you ever physically harmed a woman when you are feeling like this?
Max: I’ve never hit anyone. I did spit on a girl once.
Sav: That’s terrible. Why did you do that?
Max: Because she was a pig. Look I’ve made peace with the fact that I will never have love or a family. I say to myself, that when I die, it won’t matter if I ever loved anyone, because I’ll be dead, so that’s comforting.
Sav: That doesn’t sound very comforting It doesn’t even make sense. I know you want a wife, a family, are you saying you’ve given up?
Max: I know it won’t happen, but I try anyways, because I’m bored and I don’t want to be alone.
Sav: So you’ve given up hope?
Max: I have hope. I want it to happen. But I have no faith that it will.
With that I downed the last of my cappuccino and ended the interview. I thanked him, put on my coat and walked the few blocks to my home.
I never know what to expect when I talk to Max. I had an idea of where I wanted to take this interview. I had received a lot of questions about what women could do to protect themselves online from Narcissists, but I let the interview steer itself and as always I learned something more valuable.
I felt drained after talking to him this time and I just wanted to get away. His negativity was starting to affect my mood and I needed the distance. As I walked, I noticed the beautiful autumn colors and my spirits lifted. I started to digest everything he had to say and it made me think of infamous serial killer Elliot Rodger. The virgin college student, who blamed women for his circumstances, because they weren’t interested in him. His plan was to walk into his college’s largest sorority and open fire on all the beautiful women, that wouldn’t give him the time of day.
While I don’t believe Max is a threat to society, I believe he shares a lot of the same beliefs and behaviors. He is a misanthrope. He hates people, all people and is extremely envious of those who are happy and successful. He is a misogynist. He hates women, all women, even his mother. His general temperament simmers around misery and anger, except when he has an abundance of supply, then he seems almost manic. These feelings, he can’t control and he doesn’t know what to do with them. We talked about medication, I’m usually not an advocate of meds, but in some cases it may help to alleviate his anxiety and depression and may help to stabilize his moods. He said he had to work on himself before he can get a girlfriend and I asked him what that entailed and what he was doing, not surprisingly, he didn’t know, and didn’t have a plan.
Here is a Youtube video of Elliot Rodger. After watching a few minutes of it, you will understand the same type of individual I was dealing with today. The entitlement behaviors and the need to blame other people and make them responsible for his moods, is a huge sign you’re dealing with someone that is not healthy and potentially dangerous.
When I got home I broke my own rule. I logged onto Facebook and I looked at the profile of the ex-wife of my last boomerang Narcissist. She is getting her Master’s degree in Psychology, she has remarried and has just given birth to a beautiful baby girl. I then went to the profile of the girl he dated after me. She was thriving in her career and dating someone new, the girl after her was also thriving and involved with someone else. I then went to his profile.
He was single, posting body shots, adding girl after girl, still doing the same thing, still stuck in the same dysfunctional cycle.
Then I smiled.
Not because he was still playing the same game, but because all four of his left overs, me included, had come a long way. ‘Look at us,’ I thought. ‘Look at us’ – what we’ve overcome, what we’ve accomplished, how we’ve grown and what we have learned. This horrible experience that all of us had with this one man, was the catalyst for all these spectacular changes in our lives.
I love success stories and spending time with Max made me remember how awful being around a Narc really is. It still baffles me, why I let a miserable, moody, hateful, s-o-b, with no plan and no future, have so much control over my happiness.
He’ll never be happy, while the four of us, have never been happier, never had so much success, never experienced so much joy and peace – all without him. There was a lesson here for all of us and we got it- we got it – in losing him, we found ourselves and that my friends, is what this journey is all about.
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