My cousin is the type of woman that always has a man, or it’s probably better to say, she’s the type of woman that always ‘needs ‘ to have a man and unfortunately for her, each man, seems to be worse, than the man before.
When we were younger, she used to ‘woohoo’ out the car window at men on the street and sometimes she would even yell out where we were going to perfect strangers. I would always duck out of sight, in sheer embarrassment, to me it reeked of desperation and crudeness, but she could pick up a guy on a dime. She was that um…. ‘talented.’ But the problem was that the guys she would hook up with were always a different brand of broken down. They would move way too fast and would even be living together before I saw her next.
She would always end up feeling used and abused, by each one and she would need to be picked up off the floor, by someone that cared about her and before you knew it, she was on the prowl again.
Abuse doesn’t happen in a vacuum. If it was going on in my family, then chances are, since we had parents that were siblings, it was going on in hers. Like me, she carried the beliefs that she wasn’t good enough, that she was unworthy of love and that she wasn’t deserving of good treatment.
The difference between she and I is that I’m really good at introspection. I can pick out destructive patterns in my own behavior, seek out different strategies to employ in my life and implement them.
Some people just don’t do introspection at all. They have a really hard time getting to the root of their issues and developing ways to overcome them. Many of us have tried to talk to her, me included and we always get a nod and a, “you’re right, you’re right,” but every time it’s back to the same old dysfunctional behavior.
And so she roams in and out of different relationships and they all have the same pattern – the same beginning the same middle and the same result – which all in turn reinforce the limiting beliefs that she doesn’t deserve to be treated better.
Limiting beliefs are thoughts and feelings that are usually buried below our conscious awareness. They develop in early childhood and often consist of some of the following:
- I’m not good enough
- I’m not worthy of love
- I don’t deserve to be treated any better
- I can’t do anything right
- Other people’s wants and needs are more important than mine
- I don’t matter
For most of us, these mental subroutines are responsible for tainting most of our actions and behaviors. So if we know what they are and how much they can hinder our goals and desires, what can we do about them?
If we ignore them they will keep resurfacing and our lives will basically keep playing along the same track, over and over again, like my poor cousin.
We can try to resist them by sheer force of will. But we know that, what you resist persists, so we may have some initial success, but it will always be short lived and we will always be fighting the battle.
The best way to tackle the problem is to eliminate them entirely. It would be nice if our brains could do a scan and detect and eliminate all unwanted programs automatically, but unfortunately it doesn’t, so we have to do the work ourselves.
I have written several blogs on defeating the I’m Not Good Enough Monster, but I stumbled upon something this week, entirely by accident, that I think would be beneficial to many people.
It’s a short exercise by a gentleman named Morty Lefkoe, creator and founder of the Lefkoe Method. He has put together a little program that helps people eliminate these limiting beliefs for good. It takes about 15-20 minutes, but I think it’s well worth it. I’ve received nothing but positive feedback from all of the people I have asked to try it, so if you have a limiting belief that you would like rid of, then click on the link below. His site does require that you sign up to his subscriber list, but otherwise it’s entirely free. Please let me know what you think – good or bad and if this was at all helpful.
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