Reactivity, it’s a byproduct of being involved with an emotional manipulator. It’s an unhealthy response to a person’s dysfunctional behavior, that causes us distress. A behavior is hyper-reactive when it is over the top and out of character for the individual.
Narcissists, Psychopaths and Borderlines employ certain methods to extract compliance, control or pain. Some of those include: lying, gaslighting, projection, rejection, betrayal, the smear campaign and passing off responsibility. These behaviors are meant to keep their victims off balance and from discovering the truth. Their purpose is to confuse, hurt, make you question your sanity, keep you guessing and to always have you on the defensive.
There are a number of behaviors that a person exhibits when they are hyper-reactive and on the receiving end of a Narcissist’s abusive binge. The following reactive behaviors are signs that you are enmeshed in a toxic relationship.
When Your Behavior Tells You It’s Time to End It
- You’re trying to convince everyone that your partner is wrong and that you’re the good guy: It’s a normal reaction to want to disprove someone that is telling lies about you, but if you’re obsessed with trying to get everyone on your side and have them agree with you, you’ve gone too far. Individuals that Narcissists surround themselves with, usually already know their patterns and just what type of person they are. If they don’t know, they soon will. They could also already be fully charmed by the Narcissist and will perpetuate the belief that you are crazy. You don’t have to obsess about what’s being said about you to these people. They are not your crowd and not everyone has to like you. Let it be enough that you know the truth and let them think what they want.
- You’re Constantly on the Defensive: If your partner, persistently throws insane accusations at you and you’re yelling and screaming or crying, trying to get them to believe you – even though anyone in their right mind would know they are projecting, you’re already trapped in their web. Trust yourself, don’t allow them to cloud your senses or your reality. If someone is accusing you of something you haven’t done, chances are, they’re doing that exact behavior. It’s almost as if they are talking to themselves, while yelling at you.
- You’re overly emotional and desperate: If your partner is acting insane and cruel and getting off on your pain, by God, don’t give it to them. Never beg or plead with someone to want you, or to stay with you. Begging and pleading with someone who’s empathy chip is damaged, is about as productive as counting sand on a beach. It is also indicative of your level of self-esteem. People who know their worth don’t stick around with people that don’t value them.
- You’ve become obsessive: You’re checking your phone every 2 minutes. You’re stalking their social media accounts for any signs of what they’re up to. They’re the first thing on your mind when you wake up and the last thing when you go to sleep. You’re getting hyper emotional about what you think they’re doing and who they’re doing it with. You’re trying to justify reasons and ways you can see them or “accidentally” run into them. You’re sitting in your car outside of their house doing surveillance. You’re trying to reach them telepathically.
- You’re trying to convince your partner that you’re worthy and that they should choose you: You’re jumping through hoops, buying them presents, bending over backwards, trying to make them happy.
- You’re in an incredible amount of emotional pain: Love doesn’t equal pain. If your loved one has tossed you aside, betrayed you, rejected you or is ignoring you, it’s going to hurt and hurt a lot. The exceptional amount of unnecessary cruelty Narcissists dish out, is over the top and meant to be a feast for their ego. Most break-ups hurt, but you know when you’re lost in the relationship, when it emotionally destroys you and you can’t let it go.
Healthy people don’t stick around when they’re being mistreated – they leave. They don’t try to convince their partner that they’re good enough, they don’t beg and plead, they don’t accept responsibility that doesn’t belong to them and they don’t act desperate and needy.
Similarly, when a healthy relationship ends, both parties ideally should try to make it as painless and amicable as possible. There should be no unnecessary cruelty. No getting off on each other’s pain. There should be compassion, respect and acceptance.
Your reactions show you just as much about the state of the relationship and your mental health, as does the behavior of your partner. If your behavior is out of control, your fear and pain meter is off the charts and you can’t stop obsessing, you’re caught in the addiction. The longer you stay in it, the more of yourself you lose. Do whatever it is that you need to do, to get out. Educate yourself, seek counseling, find a support group and get out. The same rules apply as those of any addiction. Once you’re out you have to stay out, or you run the risk of getting ensnared in it again.
You’ll find the longer you stay away from them the clearer your mind becomes and you’ll start to see through the fog and into reality.
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