For those of you who follow Numerology, 2016 was the last year on the current cycle. It was a 9 year, a year of endings and letting go, while 2017 is a 1 year, the start of a new cycle. It’s a year of change and new beginnings. Whether or not you care about Numerology or just have a passing interest, one thing is for certain – the start of a new year gives everyone 365 blank pages in which to write their story.

One of the most important lessons I’ve learned on my journey is that regardless of what happened to me in the past – I am in complete control of my life now. The moment I stopped making excuses for myself and started to put my energy into my goals and what I could control, everything started to turn around for me. That’s not just hyperbole. I could pull any aspect of my life – let’s take my weight issues for instance. My dad was a big man – it was easy to blame him and his ‘bad genes’ for my predicament (23 and me confirmed that I have a tendency to be heavier than average). My mother weighed 100 lbs most of her life, she was oblivious to my nutritional needs, nor did she care enough to try and figure them out, so she feed me foods that were harmful for my genetic make-up and then shamed me and my body for not measuring up to her standards.

I was on a diet my whole life and nothing worked until I found what did. I found the South Beach diet which is really a modification of the Atkins diet. I learned that for my body type – carbs are not my friend. I taught myself how to eat according to body’s make up. That paired with exercise really was the recipe for success. The formula alone was not enough though. I was motivated by the “I’ll show you” mindset. So many people rejected me, counted me out and didn’t believe in me and that was my fuel. It made me angry and put that chip on my shoulder that propelled me to work harder and be more determined. But the thing that made the biggest impact, and I didn’t figure this out till much later, was coming to terms with my Codependency. I didn’t realize that it was at the forefront of my self-sabotaging behaviors. I didn’t know it was that critical voice that kept trying to keep me stuck in the same destructive behavior patterns. I didn’t know it was what made me feel like I wasn’t good enough or that I wasn’t even worth the effort.

When I started to unwrap the mystery of why I was my own worst enemy and why things didn’t work out for me, everything started to fall into place and not until then. I got really clear on what I wanted to accomplish and where I wanted to be and I got a real understanding of why I did and thought what I did, where it came from and how to overcome it. When the sting lessened from the break-up of my long-term relationship I picked myself up and made the decision that the rest of my life was going to be all about me and I was going to do everything that I wanted to do and be the best me I could be. This was going to be the second act of my play and I was going to be the star. Here’s what I did:

Savannah’s Map to Creating the Life You Want

Learn: Figure out what the problem is and then learn everything you can about it. Become insatiable for knowledge. You know the way you’ve gone into detective mode to figure out what’s wrong with your Narcissist? Be that kind of detective for yourself. 1. Know what the problem is. 2. Look for answers on how others have conquered the problem. 3. Implement those techniques into your own life, modify and add to them so they fit you and your life.

Make a Plan: Anyone that has had a Skype session with me has heard me say, “Make a plan.” Codependents are so used to putting their focus on their relationship and on the problems of other people they often have no idea what they want or where they’re going. It’s time to start putting yourself first, to make your wants your top priority. What do you want? Write it down. This year is the start of a new chapter. The name of that chapter is – YOU. Tell the universe where you’re going and what you’re going to accomplish. Keep it in the forefront of your mind every day. Everyone knows the shortest distance between two points is a straight line. Without a map you’re curving this way and that way and distracting yourself from your destination. With a map you’re taking steps every day that will bring you closer to your goal. 1. Write the map. 2. Take little steps every day so that you’re moving in the right direction. 3. As you get closer momentum starts to take over and motivates you even more.

Acquire the Self-Care Mindset: Self-Care is exactly that – taking care of yourself. It’s the opposite of what a Codependent has been programmed to do. Reprogram your thinking and start acting in ways that are beneficial to your well-being, even if they don’t yet feel natural. Self-care means understanding that you are an autonomous being – you don’t exist to sacrifice your happiness for the needs of other people. Self-care means understanding that you have needs that are just as important as everyone else’s and that getting those needs filled is your primary responsibility above all else. It’s about doing things that are in your best interest that bring value to your life and eliminating people and things that don’t.

Discover the Warrior Within: The beauty of having to overcome a lot of hardships is that you learn the warrior mindset. When obstacles come up in life warriors already know how to battle. They’ve learned through trial and error what works and what doesn’t. If they’re still looking for the right way they know all the things that don’t work and make adjustments along the way. It’s just like that old saying, “You’ve got to lose to know how to win.” We learn more by losing than we ever do by winning. When things don’t work out don’t curl up into the fetal position and give up – morph into the warrior and power through it.

Make Time for the Spirit: Meditation, affirmations, Visualization, Gratitude – all of these are like a workout for your soul. The spirit is in many ways more important than the body and the mind. Learn how to communicate with your spirit and how to listen. Raise your emotional vibration by manufacturing positive feelings. Visualize what you want and feel the feelings of already having those things. “Think from the end,” as Wayne Dyer would say. Get into the habit of giving yourself good positive messages – by repeating positive affirmations you counter-act the negative messages you’ve been programmed to give to yourself.

Learn to Let Go of What No Longer Serves You: When you’ve learned through experience what isn’t good for you get into the habit of letting go. Codependents have learned to doubt themselves, they dwell in confusion and uncertainty and have learned not to trust their instincts. When you cognitively come to the conclusion that a person, an activity or an environment is not good for your well-being, let that be enough to evoke change. When that voice shows up and tries to minimize and justify know that that is your codependency talking – label the voice (this is my codependency), when you know what it is and what it’s trying to do (lead you to a place of hurt and keep you where you are) it minimizes it’s impact and allows you to dismiss it and throw it away.

Get Busy: Figure out what you want, make a plan to get there, find a way to battle through the hard stuff – cuz it will show up, learn to control your emotions and your self-destructive thoughts, inspire yourself by feeding your spirit daily, keep your goals in your mind everyday by seeing them already realized and get busy – why are you still reading this? You’ve got stuff to do.

Happy You Year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Written by Savannah Grey

Savannah Grey is a Freelance Writer, a Hypnotherapist, Consultant, Sports Fanatic, and Philosopher and has a degree in Psychology. She is the founder of www.esteemology.com, a website dedicated to educating and healing survivors of abusive relationships.