If you have been involved with a Narcissist, an addict, someone with a compulsive disorder or anyone with emotional or psychological issues, you are about to have an Oprah Winfrey sized Ah-ha moment.
Many of you will see the word Co-Dependent and think, “I’m not an addict, this isn’t about me,” and you’d be wrong. If you are involved with these types of men, by the end of this post you will view things in a whole new light, you may just see yourself and your behavior. In the words that follow you will begin to have an understanding of yourself, your relationship and your life that has alluded you till now.
What is Co-Dependency?
This is a harder question to answer than you might think. Initially it was coined in the 60’s to describe the spouses of alcoholics. It has since evolved to encompass a variety of people and situations. Co-dependents are people that give too much. They are the caregivers of the relationship, the ones that rescue and you will find them involved with people that need to be ‘fixed;’ people that are broken and people that have problems of all sorts – people that are incapable of having normal, healthy relationships.
Co-Dependents feel compelled to help and solve the problems of others. They are Florence Nightingales, always on the lookout for an injured bird to mend. They put up with way too much and receive way too little in return. They are nurturers and will take on other people’s baggage, anxiety, guilt, pain, anger and make it their own, spending all of their energy on others. They become obsessed with the person in their life and their problems and in the process they forget about themselves.
Co-dependents are the responsible ones in the relationship. They are the ones with the job, they take care of the money, the home and the kids. They make sure the bills get paid, dinners on the table and that everything looks normal from the outside. Because their partners have proven to be untrustworthy or irresponsible they have taken on almost all of the responsibility in the relationship.
While co-dependents appear to be in control they are really in control of nothing. They live in a constant state of anxiety that at some point and in some way the world that they have tried so hard to keep together is going to tip over and shatter into a million little pieces.
That false world is always threatened by the irresponsible behavior of their partner. They’ve put the kids to bed, cleaned the house, done the laundry, but that anxiety is always there, looming in the shadows. Will tonight be the night he comes home drunk and destroys the house, or the car; yells at the kids; or is tonight the night he doesn’t come home and you get that phone call in the middle of the night. Or is tonight the night he meets another woman, even though he promised you it wouldn’t happen again, or is tonight the night he’s been unlucky at the casino and cleans out the bank account?
Just how long can someone live with that kind of anxiety, of never knowing when the precariously balanced shoe will drop? The answer is sadly, a lot longer than you may think. To some people that unease has become their norm. They’ve lost themselves in their relationship and since their sense of worth comes from their ‘rescuing habits,’ they become dependent upon their partners – they become stuck and can remain in this position for decades.
Co-Dependents need unhealthy people and their problems, because it allows them to not look and focus on what is broken inside of them. Their helping abilities, their martyrdom are actually where they derive their sense of self- worth, because at the heart of this disorder is a lack or non-existing sense of self-worth. Co-Dependents feel worthless, always putting other’s needs ahead of their own and often living vicariously through someone else.
This ‘helping‘ action momentarily allows the Co-Dependent to feel good and for those eager to prove their worth the more of someone else’s problems they can take responsibility for and the more hoops they can jump through, they believe demonstrates their value.
And the problem with that coping behavior is that when your entire focus is on the behavior of someone else, when your energy and attention isn’t on you, your life, your needs and wants, your health and your goals, is that your energy becomes depleted, you stop being you and you become a shell of a person, an empty, defeated vessel.
The Karpman Drama Triangle
Within the Co-Dependent dynamic is a pattern of behavior coined by Stephen B. Karpen and that pattern is: rescue, persecute, victimization.
The first one, rescue, we’ve been discussing, it’s this idea of how co-dependents like to save people and take on their problems. The persecution part comes in when we get angry at our partners for what they’ve done, we try to make them feel guilty and ashamed for their behavior and how they’ve made us feel. This anger is always brimming just below the surface and is ready to be unleashed at a moment’s notice. Lastly, the victimization phase sets in when we feel used and unappreciated for all the sacrifices we’ve made and all the hardships we’ve endured on account of our partners. “They give more than they receive and they constantly feel abused and neglected,” says Melanie Beattie, author of Co-Dependent No More.
Todd: “You know Jenn you really are a horrible person.”
Jenn: “If I am, it’s because you made me that way.”
Co-Dependency and Control
Co-dependency is really about control. When we take on too much responsibility, it leaves others with too little responsibility for themselves and their own actions. This communicates to our partner that they cannot be trusted with even the simplest of tasks, that you need me to tell you what to do, think and feel, because you are incapable of making the right decisions.
When we try to control someone else’s behavior there is an innate desire for them to rebel and prove that they cannot be controlled by us, so our attempts at ‘helping’ actually make matters worse.
When we take on the responsibility for someone else’s actions they learn that there are no consequences for their behavior, because we are always there to bail them out and take care of everything. We become enablers. We’ve made it easier for them to act irresponsibly because we are always there to pick up the pieces.
How Did I Get This Way?
If you’re reading this and it sounds all too familiar, you’re probably wondering, how did I get like this? Researchers believe it is a learned behavior, started in early childhood. According to Beattie she says, “there are rules that you are brought up within your immediate family, rules that prohibit discussion about problems, open expression of feelings, direct and honest communication, realistic expectations, such as being human, being vulnerable or imperfect, selfishness; trust in other people and one’s self; playing and having fun; and rocking the delicately balanced family canoe through growth or change – however healthy and beneficial that movement might be.”
One grows up accustomed to having their thoughts and feelings repressed and always directed on the needs and wants of other people in their family. And at some time have felt unloved, abandoned and let down time and time again.
It’s Time To Wake Up
As women we generally tend to be hard wired to be the caregivers in our families. This caregiving becomes a pathology when we don’t allow others to experience the consequences for their actions, when we make excuses for their behavior and most importantly when we completely and totally lose ourselves in our relationship, when we forget about our happiness, and our needs and wants.
The key to getting healthy is to recognize that we cannot control other people. An alcoholic is going to drink, a Narcissist is going to be abusive and there is nothing we can do about their behavior. But there is something we can do about our behavior. What we need to understand is that nothing is going to change in our relationship until we take control of our selves.
A good wife, good friend, good mother, good daughter isn’t one that is always giving and doing for everyone else. Healthy people recognize that each of us is responsible for ourselves, our own happiness and our own needs and wants.
“When you have to choose between a relationship and you, always choose you.” Natalie Lue
If you have had an eye opening experience while reading this and you are wondering what to do next the key is taking back your power. Taking responsibility for yourself, your life and you do this by detachment. Only through detachment can the irresponsible actions of others cease to have an effect on us. If we continue to do the same thing, in the same relationship, we will always get the same results. Detachment doesn’t mean that we stop caring, but it means that we start to care about ourselves. It doesn’t necessarily mean that the relationship is over, but it means that you are no longer willing to allow someone else’s behavior to effect you in a negative way. It means your desire for calmness and peace outweighs your desire for chaos and uncertainty.
When we step back we can put our energies into making ourselves healthy, so that we make better choices. We cannot affect change if we are standing still, only by stepping away from the relationship can we begin to see clearly and what we must do for ourselves to become healthy. We cannot change other people no matter how much we give up or suffer for them, but we can change ourselves and making the break is the first step to getting healthy.
If you plunked an emotionally healthy woman in your shoes right now what would she do? She’d get the hell outta dodge. Healthy women don’t put up with being mistreated and having their wants and needs ignored, so why should you? It’s time to break free and reclaim your life.
Your Comments!!!
Loved This! Resonated so strongly,I now know I am clearly that co-depenant! Wow! I need to know how to change it now.
I have struggled with co-dependency for soo long especially with friends. I have found it difficult to complain when I saw them doing things that were not right. I have has a strong hunger for affection and approval. This could have been brought up by growing up with an absent father. He came and went as he pleased. Eventually I cut ties with him only to see him after a whole six years. Our relationship barely exists even now. I believe it left a whole in my heart. I feel that there has been a lot of improvement in terms of this co-dependency as I have done all I can to improve. I have had a pattern in my life where I have friends who infringe on my boundaries, i allow them to do it for a long time then I get angry, tell them off and break the relationship. Usually I am a person who loves to break taboos which didn’t/doesn’t sit well with my friends or people in general. I felt unaccepted and decided I had to go off on my own so that I can finally be free to be who I am. So far it has worked. Though it has left me with trust issues which can only be solved by owning my power. That in itself is a journey.
I have known someone for 14 years, who continues to give all he has to anyone of his “people” and for any reason they decide to need him. For almost 5 years 3 of these people live with him, paying no rent, buying no food and still he is there if they “need” something. Initially, these 3 intended to stay 3-6 weeks until on their feet. I watch as these same people don’t work, don’t clean up, have constant issues such as bailing a daughter out of jail, which my friend actually paid $5000 to do. He never asks to be repaid and is himself in debt, works 40 hours per week, then on Saturday too doing random jobs for people, and usually is not paid for. My friend calls these “friends” his family. I have tried to point out the many problems his actions creates, especially telling him he is being used terribly and enabling them to be losers. He gets angry with me, believing God will provide. Any response is appreciated. Thank you.
btw, I have supported him every way possible, but cannot watch this anymore. I’m tired of doing the slobs dishes and picking up all the messes they bring home from dumpsters. What is wrong with him????
What an eye opener. I read Freedom 01’s story and it could have been mine. At least we not in denial any longer. This in itself is a cure in getting better.
Freedom 01 thanks so much for posting your story. Ours are exactly the same! So I know exactly how you feel and where you are coming from. My breakup is fresh, only been a month now. Some days I feel strong and like I can and will get through this but other days I feel so weak and broken down. Like I’m seconds away from a breakdown. I’ve started going back to church and that’s helped some but not really sure what else to do or what road to take. I feel like a child again. Scared to make any decision in case it might be the wrong one. I look back on my previous failed relationships and they all seem to be with the exact same kind of person or someone very very similar. Its obvious that I don’t know what real love is. I’ve never had a father to show me or teach me…so, I guess how could, I know if I’ve never been taught and those things weren’t expressed in our house hold growing up. It so sad because now my oldest daughter who is 23 yrs old has been off and on with the same boy who treats her the exact same way. I feel horrible doe this. How do I not only help her but help myself as well to stop this visious cycle so that we both can move on and start to live happy healthy adult lives and maybe at some point share them with decent loving caring men? We need serious direction. Where do we turn? What do we do?
THANK YOU: something -I- can work on! Your paragraph quoting Beattie on how I got this way: SO TRUE. When I was assaulted, it didn’t happen, and I was forbidden to talk about it with anyone–by the way, this is what happens to pretty girls. And I was a pretty girl. At least that’s what they told me. We weren’t allowed to cry, and hugging or expressions of feeling or love just didn’t happen. I remember how my heart grew wings of hope watching a neighbour lady hug her daughters -every day- before they went to school, and I knew that what I craved was possible. I had to be perfect and set the example for my younger siblings, and I worked so hard to keep my parents happy so my siblings didn’t have to experience their anger and tears. Through this website, I’ve realized what a therapist tried to tell me by telling me after a family therapy session that my parents are not healthy people, and that if I choose to never speak to them again, it would be a healthy choice… realized through this website that my parents are narcissists… I think my mom became one after marrying my dad… my dad’s mom was narcissistic–pure evil, that woman. Most of my dad’s siblings are also narcissistic. My sister has turned out this way as well, after I spent my childhood trying to protect her… the others are doing really well.
I’ve dedicated this winter season to healing from my most recent N relationship… what a brutal roller coaster. I want to be capable of a relationship worthy of my time and love–I want to learn how to communicate, how to feel, how to trust, how to let someone in and like having them there. My guess is this is going to take some reeeeally tough work. I commit to undoing 20 years of insanity, to accepting and embracing those years, and to loving and listening to all the parts that have been in hiding for so long….
Thank you SO much for this website…. it is better than years of therapy, and more information and tools than any therapist every offered, even when I asked!
Life is so funny – at one time I thought I could never survive the loss of the love of my life- I thought I could not breath without him – I didn’t want to live if he was gone- I didn’t know who I was if I didn’t belong to him – I made him my god and worshipped him put him above everyone in my life- he needs- his comfort -his happiness – his desires was more important than anything or anyone that existed.
I lived for his good moods and the playful loving affectionate side of him that I adored and dreaded the dark days when my world was turned upside down inside out over the smallest slight real or imagined.
sometimes over nothing at all and I could always sense when the darkness was headed my way… I lived in constant fear walking on eggs shells to keep him calm and pray the one I feel deeply and madly in love with would return to me. I gave everything a person could ever imagine giving yet was at the end never given credit for any of it – all that was thrown at me was how I didn’t put him first – how I didn’t please him – how if I got busy with something I forgot him… how could I forget for one second my heart , my soul , my happiness, my joy, my whole life?
I made the sad mistake of assuming he believed in my never ending devotion and would never doubt for second his importance in my world.. how could he? everyone around me suffered from the lack of me – even myself… I was slowly disappearing all that existed from the time I opened my eyes till I slept and even in my sleep was him.
When my life went thru a hectic phase and my pressures and responsibilities mounting when I needed his support most he tormented me more – out of nowhere instigating arguments that I could never win… beating me down… raging at me and making unreal demands of me to prove my love and loyalty to him…at times I would stand up for myself but god help when I did for I was punished by his silence and brooding for days… I missed him so much – I missed that one who with just seeing him my heart would smile… I would have done anything for him – given my life for his and yet it was never enough…. I forgot what it was l like to wake up relaxed and smile instead of always afraid of upsetting him… while at work I may have missed a call or two and this was an unforgivable transgression… no understanding that I had a job and children to support that I was exhausted from trying to meet everyone’s needs… all I needed from him was a few kind words and my heart would soar I would have the strength to keep going… but the darkness continued my inner light was close to being extinguished… my nerves were shot.. I needed him.. I needed his love so much I needed him to be there for me like I was for him through everything never faltering… I couldn’t take one more put down and I begged him to please say something nice to me all I got was silence… he had nothing to say… later that same evening while taking a shower he called and I missed it…. I was later raged at and told twice ” go to hell ” I could take no more and decided that enough was enough .. there was no escaping or denying the reality that I was in a total abusive relationship.. the one I loved and longed for never existed.. he was wearing a mask he preyed on my kindness , my love, my goodness to feed his empty soul… when I wasn’t available to shower him attention, love and praise I was deemed no longer useful and cast aside… after three years of traveling the world to be with him, three years of tiptoeing around him – three years of hearing empty promises of how he was going to give me a dream life and make sure I didn’t have to work or be tired any longer.. how he was going to take care of me… three years of living a long distance relationship – the loneliness’ – three years of praying to god to keep him safe and sound and let him want for nothing… three years of putting myself my needs my desires last… I was thrown away like nothing…when I look back at those three years there were so many signs that I choose to ignore… I just loved him so much and always hoped that my love for him would be enough to heal whatever hurt he had inside that made him so angry all the time…I believed in time when we would finally be together no more goodbyes- no more separations – all would be perfect…how I wrong I was….. it’s been more than a month since we parted… I’m still numb.. still at times feeling lost like there is a huge hole inside of me that can’t be filled.. I still cry at times when I realize I will never see that face I adored or hear his laughter… never lay my head on his chest again…. never feel like I am home.. for he was my home… I’m slowly waking up from a deep hazy fog….. I made one huge mistake in contacting him recently when I was in a big bind and felt or prayed that maybe just maybe he could be there for me… if not as my husband but maybe just a friend….. again I was disappointed and his silence was deafening.. after all we had been through together after all I had given and shown and sacrificed he stayed silent. That told me more than the thousands of “I love you mores” I had once lived for…
I am strong – I am healing and I thank god for all my blessings and I will never ever allow anyone close enough to breath in my direction…. I will finally love myself and maybe that’s why this happened to me… to finally learn to love and put myself first and not look for any man to complete me never give the keys to my happiness to someone else….
cheating and stealing someones husband has its own karma
i never thought of myself as codependent. but i was for him. i am not sure when that happened either but i finally started to detach last year. i was still trying to fix my marriage but i no longer took responsibility for his actions. instead of trying to work our problems out he ended up spending more and more time away from home, drinking all night, staying out with his enablers who agreed that i didnt treat him right.
we divorced in march when i found out he had moved in with his MOW enabler. i have been reading all i can to get myself better. it hurts and i still love him. but it is out of my control so i need to move on.
problem is that we have 2 boys. even thou i got sole custody and zero visitation, i tried the EOW with him. only every effect i make is met with anger, hate, blame and resentment. (usually from her) i finally quit trying to beg him to be involved with his kids. again, it hurts me for my boys too but out of my control and trying to move on.
they leave me alone and then try to drag me back in with some kind of craziness. i am still being strong, it still hurts.
my problem now, is am i still codependant? was my codependancy based on my relationship with him or will i carry it on to other relationships? (not actively looking, still working on me) and worse, will i teach it to my kids? how do i NOT teach it to my kids and make them healthy individuals?
I attended Adult Children and Co-Dependancy meetings in my small community 14+ years ago until both meetings dissolved. What I did not know until about 3 years ago, when we were in counseling, is that my then husband had what they called “strong narcissistic tendencies”. After the MMPI test revealed this, he withdrew emotionally even more then ever. We divorced after being married 38 years. 10 months later he married a nurse who is 18 years younger than he. Hindsight has been slow and painful in coming. Darn near eveything I’ve read here has been eye opening and dead on! The above response reminded me of a quote,”When the wicked want to bring down the innocent, they aim for a loving heart.”
When I finally got counseling over a year ago, the very first session my counselor told me two things: Never put his emotional needs above yours. and read “Co-dependent no more.” I did not cause the abuse, but I did not walk away from it. I’m walking now, 25 years after it started. Divorce finalization is now two months away, and if we can’t decide on property division, the judge will order our property auctioned and the money divided. I am, of course, the one who is willing for a compromise. However, not the narcissist, so if our property gets auctioned, perhaps it is God’s will that he move me to a different place, a place where it is easier to maintain “no contact.” I ask one more time if I could draw the line short of divorce. To do so would be to put his emotional needs above mine.
I have literally gobbled up every article on your web page – except this one. I never even remotely considered myself a co -dependant and read it today because it was the only one left that I hadn’t read. Well, what a rude awakening. And once again the truth shall set me free.
I was with my narcissist for 23 years and I have two children with her..
She is still trying to hurt, milk me emotionally, financially etc but I’m trying to minimise contact..
I’m 16 months separated from her..
Yes, great blog and great site..
Thank u x
Interesting to me that this is the only article I have read on this blog without comments when the truth of the matter is, this very article is the most important. Unless we recognize in ourselves why we allowed the behavior of the narcissist to take control of our lives and ourselves, we will surely not only attract more of them, but tolerate them as well. I am about two and a half years of No Contact with my abuser so perhaps I am just in a different point in healing but this article here really nails it on the head. Great blog by the way and ALL of this is spot on accurate. I was with my narcissist/AsPD (he was actually diagnosed) abuser for eight long years of Hell.