T’was the night before Christmas and all through the house,
Not a narcissist was stirring, not even a text.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that he’d show up – he said he’d be there.
I couldn’t sleep – all nestled in bed.
There were visions of cheating dancing in my head…
It’s no coincidence that during holidays, birthdays and other special occasions, that a narcissist’s ‘unpleasantness’ is in full beast-mode. At a time when most people are looking forward to giving and spending time together, a narcissist’s behavior seems very out of place.
My long-term Narcissist and I used to spend Christmas’s apart. His mother would fly him to her across the country and I would stay at home with my family. On those occasions where he would have to stay in the city with me and my family, he would make my Christmas miserable. I remember feeling like I had to walk on egg shells to not upset him further. He would sit like a lump in a corner somewhere, scowling, not participating and acting completely miserable. He would receive gifts from my family, who tried to include him, while having contributed nothing to the day. All the gifts would be purchased and wrapped by me. I’d put his name, along with mine on the tag and all I would get was an antagonistic attitude. I remember bending over backwards to make him happy and nothing ever did.
When we would get home, he would go off about how materialistic my family was and why would anyone spend so much money on presents. He hated my mother’s mashed potatoes – too creamy. He hated my brother…. He couldn’t get out of there fast enough and would make the whole experience unpleasant for me, to the point where I’d wished I hadn’t brought him. He would act like I was so selfish for having to put him through such an awful ordeal and I had to be extremely grateful that he did me such a service by accompanying me.
I’ve also been involved with narcissists, who would wait about a week or two before a birthday, or a holiday, to pick a fight and break up with me, only to get back together at some point shortly thereafter. “I didn’t spend your birthday with you, or get you a gift, because we were broken up at that time,” is how they’d justify it to themselves. With some of them the timing of the fight would become so predictable that I would brace myself for the inevitable, as the day drew closer. I was being trained to expect nothing from them and nothing is exactly what I got. From my own experiences and those of others I can say with relative certainty that if you’re involved with a Narcissist don’t expect a stress free holiday. Some will be there criticizing and complaining the entire time, while contributing nothing, others will disappear and magically reappear a short time afterwards. once you know what you’re dealing with it makes things a whole lot clearer.
Why Narcissists Make the Holidays so Unpleasant
They Lack Empathy: One of my favorite things about Christmas is watching the faces of the little ones as they open their gifts. I also like giving things to people that I know they wouldn’t dare spurge on for themselves. It brings me a great deal of joy to make other people happy. When you lack the empathy chip, there is no joy in giving or making others happy. It’s not a behavior they attach any significance to. To them it seems like a monumental waste of time and money and they feel incredibly put out to have to suffer through such an occasion with people they loathe.
The disappearing narcissist doesn’t care that it’s the holidays and that they have hurt you deeply and left you all alone. These thoughts don’t resonate with them. As masters of justification, they simply choose a stance and stick to it, making sure that you are wholly to blame.
When an activity is all about someone else, like a birthday, a promotion, or a graduation, a narcissist will find no value in celebrating another’s achievements (unless of course they could obtain supply through proxy). Instead it would activate feelings of jealousy and envy. Because someone else is being put on that proverbial pedestal and getting the attention that should be theirs, a narcissist would find those encounters intolerable and would seek to avoid them at all costs.
Good Attention, Bad Attention, It’s All Good: If it can’t be all about them, where they and everyone else gets to bask in their glorious essence, then they will get attention another way and that’s by being an ornery cuss.
Being miserable means everyone will cater to their needs, in an effort to appease them or make them happy. They love this. If they can get you to feel responsible for their moods, so that you are jumping to their every command and feeling like you owe them one, they’ll like that even more. If it’s not all about them in a good way, they’ll make it all about them in a bad way. Either/Or it makes no difference.
They Don’t Do Intimacy, Responsibility or Obligation: Celebrating the holiday’s with a significant other is a big deal. You’re probably going to end up at somebody’s relative’s place – yours or theirs and when a narcissist accompanies you, or brings you to visit their family – that’s a statement. Unfortunately for many a narcissist, it’s a statement they don’t care to make. Sharing special occasions breeds the kind of intimacy that a narcissist just can’t handle. Things are getting too serious and it renders you important, when they want you to feel like you’re not. It creates expectations that a narcissist doesn’t want you or anyone else to have. With those expectations, comes a responsibility to behave like a significant other. It means getting closer, which they cannot allow. Their anxiety always gets the better of them, so they’d just as well leave you hanging, or start a fight, so they don’t have to deal with it. This anxiety makes them incredibly unreliable. When it’s upon them, their primary goal is to alleviate it, which usually means shutting you out, or making you miserable. Their anxiety paired with their lack of empathy is a holiday recipe for disaster.
They’ve Found Alternate Supply: I’ve had many a client tell me they’ve had solid plans for the holidays, with their narcissists and then find themselves stood up, or on the receiving end of a text, cancelling at the last minute. The next thing they know, they see pictures on social media of them spending the holidays with someone else. They’re devastated and asking – “WTH?”
A good rule of thumb is to always remember that new supply always trumps old supply. New supply turns on the narcissist’s laser focus and obsessive attention. There is no way old supply can compete. It doesn’t mean they’re better – it means they’re newer/unconquered. So if you get that text on New Year’s Eve, after you’ve turned down everyone else’s offer, this is likely what’s happened.
Misery is Their Default Setting: Miserable people create miserable energy and environments everywhere they go. They are dark people, who project their feelings onto other people. Ruining another’s joy is like a trophy for them. It makes them feel important and powerful. If they believe the holidays are foolish and irrelevant, they don’t care that they mean something to you. Your opinions are usually irrelevant unless of course you carry the same opinion as they do.
Only seriously disturbed and twisted people ruin events for other people and suck the joy out of life. I’ve learned a long time ago that if I couldn’t depend on someone 100% that was my cue to leave them behind. Life is so much easier when you know you can trust someone to keep their word.
It’s important that you understand that Narcissists cannot be trusted or depended upon. They feel extremely uncomfortable if you rely on them for anything and will almost always disappoint. It’s their nature. Understand this point. Hoping or expecting them to go against their nature is when you suffer. Know what you’re dealing with, understand the behavior and opt out. Eliminate anyone you can’t trust or depend on. It makes life and the holidays so much more peaceful and enjoyable and it means more wine for you!
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I have been married to a narc 9 years ( yesterday) 12/31/2020. In that time, he has acknowledged (?) my birthday, Xmas, and our “Anniversary” less than 3 times as I forced the issue & made him feel guilty about not giving me ANYTHING. Not even a card. I can buy myself anything I want – but the disrespect, dismissal, treating me like I was invisible was nothing short of outrageous. He would give all of his family Xmas presents – and nothing for me thinking SAYING Happy This Or That was ” good enough”. In his mind,
that was acknowledging the occasion. No flowers. No dinner. No little gift. ZERO. I am a very strong woman who knows her worth. He will not crush me just to make himself feel more powerful. I have my reasons for staying married as it’s too late to start over. We have not lived together for 9 yrs. He’s perfectly fine with that – preferring to move his 63 yr old brother in instead – as a “PROMISE” to his Mother when she died. Whatever. There is no relationship. It was always a convenient arrangement for my “husband” to have a trophy wife and sex on demand. They don’t get better. They only get worse. It’s nothing but a game to them. They want it all for themselves and will NEVER let you in. EVER.
I have been married 25 years and the first three years he was generous and since that time nothing.
It took me all these years to figure out his family diagnosis. I am so mad at myself that I have stayed
with him because of my Triplets. I am independent and I always worked and did not depend on him for anything. My advice to you is move on from him. Don’t follow my mistakes as his illness is genetic and now one of my kids has it. Hugs to you! This illness is a sad sick disorder and not sure if they could ever seek help as my husband thinks there is nothing wrong with him. Just as his mother did when she was alive. Mean Mean evil people!
I want nothing for Xmas as I always need things at any given time during the year. I tell people to get me nothing I enjoy the company alone not gifts yet people buy me gifts. I am over feeling guilty I have nothing for them and my wife complains I do t do enough at Xmas wrapping or buying etc…, but she also does everything before I can even ask to help. Sometimes the problem is the person complaining so realize that not everyone that may seem narcissistic is being shown in that light by their doing. As far as personality behavior goes that’s a mental issue that can be very miserable to be around. Xmas has become to commercialized and materialistic and should really be about the children alone. Sorry to sound so bah humbug but putting pressure on people as a society must stop
Hello Savannah. You have been the only one on the internet to answer my question, “Why has he NEVER spent my birthday or ANY holiday with me for the four years we were on and off again?” And you explained it so well. It is a pattern with him. He would wait until TWO or THREE days before my birthday, or any holiday to pick a fight with me. Then I would end up “breaking-up” with him. And then a few days later, he would magically appear. New Year’s Eve? Four years in a row, he DISAPPEARED on me. Every year it would be a different excuse:: “I fell asleep.” One New Year’s Eve, he was actually seeing the woman whose house i spent NY Eve with. Found out he would spend the 1st of January (her birthday with her). And my birthday? As I said, he would time it exactly TWO to THREE days before, and have ME break up with him. In 2018, he did just that, then I saw on FB his friend Yury posted romantic pictures, of course, she never showed the guy she was with on the 30th of May (my birthday). In fact, she’s in a “relationship” but you NEVER see her with a guy, just flowers on her birthday, Valentines, etc. or on outings. The final blow was her post on FB of a picture of a duck in front of a boat that said, “Verplanck Fire Department” and she said, “what a cute duck.” So both her and Philip were messing with me. I just ignored it and moved on. I was right all along and the child she has now (she’s twenty something years younger than him), it is Philip’s child, she’s a carbon copy of her father. You were spot on. I feel really free now. Maybe we can speak?
My yearly discard happens in September, right before October which was our “anniversary” month, his birthday, my favorite holiday Halloween (which was our first date), and as of 2015 the passing of my dad with my father’s birthday being November 1st. So fall is always full of triggers. Now me and the narc have been separated but on/off again for the past 6 months, been “together” 12 this has been the longest we’ve gone without seeing or talking to each other, it’s been very sporadic. Earlier this month we saw eachother, he spent the night on a tuesday we went to breakfast the next day, then come thursday no communication, I come to find out or rather had a 6th sense that something was up, when I texted again on the next Tuesday I got a reply “i’m seeing someone”. Not the first time I’ve received that reply but only the 2nd so he’s found a top supply replacement.
He’s sent me photos of them together (thank god not sexually because that’s actually not out of context for him) but I was on my Facebook and I had a memory pop up from 2014 and while the photo had nothing to do with him, I remember that day vividly as i ran into him and the woman that he “was seeing” back then and here I am 4 years later to the day dealing with the same thing! The discards have nearly been to the day, like he keeps a calendar they’re so on point. Sept 2014 discarded me for his “love of his life” high school sweetheart, is who I ran into him with. Sept 2015 again almost to the exact day found out about yet another woman he was seeing off and on for 2 years and this was the year when I really saw how deep the rabbit hole of cheating and sex went; but I still don’t know everythign which is scary. Our 10 year was 2016 I kept saying after all we’ve been through that he needed to do something special, basically begging for him to give me some sort of sign that our time and I matter, of course it didn’t happen. My mom was in town and when I asked what we were doing on said night he said he was going out with his friends, there was not even a card, and he said this in front of my mom thinking I would let it slide, well I absolutely did not so I went out on what was supposed to be our anniversary date and I ran into him and his friends, I just kept walking. He’s got a new supply that I’m not sure will be discarded or if he’ll idealize her and milk her for all she’s worth for his bday, it really could go either way. I only wonder for my own needs, I know the hoover is coming as it has so many times before, but this time I’m breaking the cycle.
OMG This is so my life. It explains everything that I have been dealing with for years. I thought it was me. I love family, Getting together for the holidays. HIM well always runned it for me. Its been the last 2 years I have not taken him with me. And I leave the house crying, I felt bad. But I can not take it anymore. I’m at my age in life its time to live. I raised my kids and I’m not going to raise a grown man who acts like this. We are not married but have 13 years together. He was not at all like this when we meet. Something changed in him. He has me hating my Birthday, and any holidays where there’s thoughtfulness and gifts. I hate the SADNESS… TIME for me to grow a set of balls and not take anymore crap… Thank You for my eye opening experience..
People witb Borderline Personality Disorder ruin all holidays and events too. Everything is about them no matter what it is. They are Narcissists who are predictibly unpredictable. They will cause a scene in public and if you shed tears our show signs of distress like a sad look on your face. They suddenly stop yelling at you for your accidentally setting them off in the first place. To saying how terrible you are and embarresing you are because your tears are causing a scene.
People with BPD don’t intentionally try to hurt people like Narcissists do though, if they hurt people , it is unknowingly whilst trying to protect themselves where as the narcissist is fully aware.
Not always true. There are those with BPD that intentionally hurt others. I have experienced the abuse from a mother with BPD and it is absolutely terrifying, especially if you are a child. Look up Borderline Witch personality, it will give you nightmares.
Wow I still can not believe a personality that is so very predictable, nasty and textbook manages to slip under our radar???? I Just had my 41st birthday yesterday and with such predictable behavior I tell myself to expect NOTHING – which is exactly what I get… I feel so disappointed that I allow this person access to my happiness!!! I raised my kids and it’s my time to enjoy my life for myself! Thank you for sharing, you are not alone!! #LearningToLoveYourselfAgain!
This is our mother! There are 4 siblings. I am the oldest 54 years old. Our mother has ruined or attempted to ruin Thanksgiving and Christmas for as long as I can remember. This year was/is the worst. I finally googled “diagnosis for a mother who ruins holidays” I had NO idea she was a narcissist, but I found this news feed and this IS her! How do you deal when it’s your own mother?
An ex-husband and my son. Christmas use to be my favorite time of the year. I hate it now! I hate to see other families sharing the togetherness and joy of the season.
Janet ,
I understand how you feel. I felt that way the first Christmas after my divorce, too. However, the next year, I looked for things to do to bring joy to myself . Go to the school assembly , go shopping and treat yourself to a decadent coffee, host a cookie exchange , have some friends over ,drive around and look at decorated houses ,attend a beautiful church service. Be creative . None of the things I suggested cost much . If you have some cash to spend ,buy and wrap a present or two for yourself to open in the morning . What I’m trying to say is find ways to make your own happiness . this is my third one now, this year I bought a few new decorations for the house to change it up a bit . Take baby steps,towards getting out there and make your holiday (and life)fabulous !!
great! It´s my father and my brother. You said everything.
Now… I keep away from my father, and he likes to meet my aunt, his sister-in-law that is an extremely toxic person (envious, likes criticizing others, tries to convince that her family is perfect).
I ´d like to explain this relationship to myself…
what kind of interests are involved in it?
Oh my this all makes sense now. My husband used of over 34 years knew that I didn’t like yellow gold and preferred sterling silver or white gold. He also knew that I didn’t like brown, orange or yellow clothes because they don’t look good on me. Almost every birthday or Christmas if it was jewelry it was always yellow gold, if it was clothing, you guessed it, it was always orange, yellow or brown. I knew after a while just to say thank you, I love it and wear the gifts occasionally to make him happy. If I ever showed him a picture of something I liked or question it, I was the most ungrateful rude witch.
As the years went by he started the ignoring giving gifts or picking a huge fight before any holidays so he could opt out of going to his or my family’s house or to recognize my birthday. But of course I always had to make a big deal about his birthday, father’s day or Christmas gift or there would be heck to pay.
I’m coming to a point in a relationship where I need to make a decision, and I came across this article when I Googled people who ruin holidays. It was a once in a lifetime event, and this boyfriend couldn’t rise to the occasion. I never would have thought he had Narcissistic Personality Disorder, but many things in this article sound familiar. 1) He has never introduced me as his girlfriend to his family or friends, and we’ve been together 4+ years. 2) He finds one small fault with me and blames me for all his poor behavior thereafter. 3) He wouldn’t commit to doing even one of a list of easy chores I composed that he could be entirely responsible for. 4) He has been a wet blanket on my last two important family events as well as his own family’s most most recent event. 5) He insists that I need to change my way of thinking but won’t acknowledge anything he needs to change.
The list could go on, but because of what happened recently with this once-in-a-lifetime event (combined with other fundamental disagreements we have and the length of the relationship without any commitment), I’m planning to call an end to it.
It’s too bad because there are times when he acts like a genuinely decent and likable person. I don’t think he is as completely selfish and arrogant as the textbook narcissistic person. I’m not perfect either, but I’ve definitely been feeling drained lately.
Thank you for this informative article. I didn’t realize how common it is that some people “ruin” holidays.
Dear Rose
From where should i start… married to a narcissist husband for 3 1/2 years now. Known him for 11 years. And we have a 3 yo son. He was different while we were still seeing each other. And now that i think about it he started showing his real self gradually but i was too blind to see it. And it all blew up too quickly after we got married. Never had one gift. Not at any occasion. Not even when i delivered. And at every occasion there is the famous unpleasant ugly disgusting man trying to ruin everything intentionally. I end up doing anything to avoid his negativity and his bad aura. But nothing NOTHING works. As if it is all planned out. And of course there is me crying my eyes out and trying to smooth the situation for my son’s own good. And i really can’t take it anymore. It is as if he drains my energy off and naturally it is always ALWAYS my fault. Please someone tells me what to do. Please.
You must seek help via counseling or cutting the bonds. It is very difficult to live the way you are living. My prayers are with you.
I had read about a Narcissist man way before he decided to have n affair with an ordinary women who have been going to church probably longer than we have been married in 13 years. But, I learned to stand up to him only because I was braver to leave the 1st marriage and yes the second marriage I prayed for a better man although the dirt had no clue he would be the same as the second so lesson learn we are separated he has the divorce papers but, really he needs me to file W2 and married together in order to pay back Uncle Sam, 60 g’s until he can figure out things I am still married but I have moved on with or with out him and I found the Lord so I am good he is the one with the issue now. I am Obedient until I sign the sig on the dotted line.
“And at every occasion there is the famous unpleasant ugly disgusting man trying to ruin everything intentionally. I end up doing anything to avoid his negativity and his bad aura.”
You may never see this reply, but this statement made my day this exactly how I feel about my boyfriend, when he is around
Please do not blame yourself. You couldn’t have known. They show us red flags over time and once they feel they have us under their thumb, the game is on. Everything is about winning to them – putting you down, not giving gifts (or giving a gift they know you will hate or will find offensive), laughing at you when you are upset, lying all the time, twisting reality to make you think you’re crazy, making you apologize when they are they one who has done wrong, threatening you, etc. All of this makes them feel powerful and in control. It is not okay. Everyone should do what’s right for them, but my advice is GET OUT. Even if you’re afraid – especially if you’re afraid. It won’t be easy. He will retaliate – HARD. Get a great lawyer and a great therapist who has experience with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Good luck!
Well, today it is my birthday, and I could not say I had high expectations but… Well, we are in a LDR, so nice surprises for birthday have to be really thought over to make them special. I am thinking about her birthday last autumn, when I managed to order last minute flowers of her favourite sort. I am still filled with joy when I remember how happy she seemed to be! However, for my birthday it has been different. She broke up with me four days ago without any particular reason… or rather naming the reason to be all my fault. She blocked me on all media, but then unblocked again telling she feels hurt by what I did to her and she needs to talk. We did not exchange many messages and those we did were all sort of unimportant, about work and daily stuff… until she appeared on WhatsApp yesterday wishing me happy birthday and telling she has ruined one project we were both involved in. And while I was still wondering what to do, she texted a couple of rude and aggressive lines, and then blocked me again. She sent me a flower emoticon today morning, but that is it. Blocked and silenced. Still… I am trying to hold on and to cherish what I have: friends’ greetings, lovely gifts and sunshine. Hope this year brings strength and more happy days…
Amen to all of it. I have been there and it is amazing to me, to see how predictable the narcissistic individual is. My Christmases, my valentines, new years, were ruined if he wasn’t the center of attention. There was such lack of empathy. Last year, I was there physically, but I celebrated as if I was alone… he has no power. Sad individual. Your articles are so right, I feel like it was you living in my situation.
A little different (but the same): I’m married to a narcissistic woman, and she always sabotages her own birthday as well as mine. She says to get her nothing, and if I do, I get hell. Also, if I ignore this, I get hell. Last year, I agreed to let her have 10 people stay at our house for four days to celebrate her birthday. I waited on them and their children, ignored damage they did to my personal things, and generally played the role of uxuriant (look it up) hubby while protecting my young son from some pretty awful kids. The day they left, I heard how I had done nothing for her birthday “again.”
My most recent ex, an N, didn’t even spend Valentine’s with me because we both had to work, then avoided seeing me “because he didn’t feel good” afterwards. So I didn’t get anything for Valentine’s, didn’t have a day to spend with him, nothing. Then 2 days after Valentine’s, he wants to take a break. Long story short, I eventually broke up with him to find out 2 months later he’s engaged to his coworker and they are now married. The same one who was taking him to work instead of me while we were together. I hope she’s having a grand time. He would always throw a massive pity party for himself and be miserable all the time and couldn’t stand seeing me happy.
Shoutout to all the people who go through this or worse. My prayers are with you. It’s hard and takes time, but just remember that you’re a warrior. Like others have said, believe in yourself and love yourself. You deserve it 🙂
I was with my narcissist for 2-1/2 years. Both Christmas’s we were not together and the 1st he said he wanted to be alone and the 2nd he picked a fight with me 2 days before Christmas which devastated me. I honestly was like you have been trying to start a fight with me for days and I went and spent time on buying a Christmas present for him and he totally did this. All the other patterns this man exihibits are so anti-personality disorder and because I was so lucky to spend almost 3 years of my life with him I was able to see the patterns of destruction as clear as day. Always blaming me for all of the silent treatments that I had received from him cause I was such a negative, doom and gloom woman and he would make me feel so horrible about my charactor like there was something very wrong with me and I remember him telling me that no other man would have stuck it out with you but I have and also he would say to me that I had too many issues to be his life partner ! It’s like my stomach always had this sick feeling as to when his moods would change and I wouldn’t hear from him. He always would send a quote to me in regards to me and my behaviors like he was so perfect and any women is better than me. He would constantly indirectly insult me and he always during our conversing give nice compliments to other women that he had met in passing and totally make me feel so small like I never or feet rarely received compliments from him just that I was nice and a couple pretty comments most likely in phase 1 again.. it’s crazy how doom and gloom these men truly are I was always waiting for that horrible day that ultimately always came and usually when the prior day we had an amazing time so I would have my guards down thinking we were really doing great this time ! NOT wow what a mental mind F**k
Dear SATX..
If you have read all there is out there on NPD and these types of men , then that in itself is wrong ! Alarm bells ! Dont you think ? With the right man who respects you , nurtures and loves you , you would not be reading all those books or even be on here.. ok .. so you contacted him after being NC .. i understand .. ive done it myself so many times .. dont beat yourself up over it .. just say you made a mistake .. fell off the bandwagon .. and not do it again . Dont you also want to have a partner in your life one day who will be a role model for your boys? A man who will show them how to treat a woman .. with the utmost respect, courtesy, empathy , love .. true love..
you can do this . You sound like an intelligent strong woman . You dont need a man like that! i wished so much that i had listened to my family and friends in the past when my Narc was treating me so so badly .. so disrespectfuly .. but these people are total charmers and know exactly what to say to make you crumble and give in .. but then what happens … same old pattern .. and it actually becomes worse . Then you are there asking yoursef why you didnt keep strong and not let him back into your life ..
my narc didnt even tell me he loved me until 4 years later .. and you know when and how he told me ..? I was about to board a plane to go overseas because i had had enough of his bad treatment .. he came to the airport .. cri d and begged me not to go then those 3 magic words i had longed to hear for al those years… i love you he said… i boarded the plane .. but then got off!! I believed him .. i was so happy .. i thought finally he has come to his senses … 2 weeks later he discarded me yet again and went out and cheated on me with a 21 year old ……. that was 2 years ago now… and i still took him back … the cheating continued .. the name calling .. they dont change.. honestly .. stay strong and get rid of him .. x
Rose,
Thank you, it’s what I needed to hear, . And I contacted him last night! I look at myself in the mirror & say, “WTH is WRONG with you?!” You’re not a pitiful puppy trotting along behind your master. I’m an independent woman, single mom to 2 great boys, put myself thru undergrad & Grad school. And here I go looking for someone to give me a good excuse to go back to him! I’ve lost my ever-loving mind.
I’ve ready every book I can get my hands on about Narcissism but have I allowed them to help one iota?! NO. As I said, it’s a horrible spell he has over me.
Miserable & crawling out of my mind.
SATX….
Reading your words only reminds me of me..
and what i have been going through for the last 5 years .. please please leave this man now !! Do not waste another second minute day!! This will never change . I wish so much i had kicked mine to the curb years ago when when all the warning signs were in my face .. but i chose to give him forgiveness and believe all the bullshit and lies .. love is blind i know ..but someone who loves you would never ever say such nasty things .. would never break your heart deliberatley .. these people are master manipulators .. i have already lost a life long friend because of him .. there is only so much your friends and family can listen .. support .. care .. they only want the best for you and want you to be happy .. my friends that are still in my life always supported me and would repeatedly tell me ‘ we dont hate him .. we would love him to if only he treated you right and loved and respected you ‘ ..
I started seeing my N again a few months back and no body knew .. i couldnt tell them .. because i knew that they would have zero respect for me .. everyone has their limits .. would you sit back and watch somebody you love be treated so poorly ??
please run away now .. consider yourself lucky if you dont have a child with this person or married .. because then unfortunately you still need to be in contact with them .. i dont have neither .. no mutual friends .. im not on social media .. its still hard to be NC .. especially when they are calling you all day long .. leaving heartfelt messages..but its all a twisted toxic game .. they just dont like not having their way .. please kick him to the curb .. there are better men out there .. save yourself any more heartache .. otherwise there will be nothing left of you xx
We’ve broken up every holiday season for four years straight. He has an awful spell over me. He treats me like a goddess, waits on me hand & foot, buys me whatever I ask for, and is extremely considerate in bed. HOWEVER, he can be controlling & has a tongue that purely lacerates me when I’ve “disappointed” him.
If I went back to him a FIFTH time (in 4 yrs) my family & friends would lose all respect for me. I’ve been NC for 2-days. Lol.
Help?
@ SATX:
The fact that your narcissist uses the word “disappoint” really triggered me. For quick background, I’ve been a regular on this site and have been no contact from my ex narcissist boyfriend for almost three years.
I bet your guy finds the most ridiculous things to be “disappointed” about, and uses it as a flimsy excuse to abuse you or take off and disappear. If he hasn’t yet, trust me, he will. I’ve shared this story before, but I’ll share it again with you.
My ex started a fight with me one night because I cut a loaf of bread “wrong,” and didn’t make bruschetta the “right” way in his mind. He said he was “disappointed” in me for cutting the bread incorrectly and stormed off. Mind you, earlier that day I had gone to a farmer’s market to buy all the ingredients for the bruschetta, and stopped by a bakery that specializes in Old World-style breads. My ex was also very deluded about his culinary skills, he would make something really bland and lame, that a teenage boy could cook, and he’d demand that everyone praise it.
That night, as I was chopping and prepping the ingredients, he came into the kitchen and said I bought all the “wrong” ingredients. He actually asked my why I didn’t buy canned tomatoes, a block of fake mozza and that generic “French” bread one can buy from Safeway. THIS was his idea of bruschetta — a bunch of canned, processed foods, and that I’d top this all on bad bread and bake it in the oven. As I started cutting the bread, he then berated me, saying that I was cutting it wrong. He started a fight with me and kept using the word “disappointed.” Over this.
On another night, months after this bruschetta incident, I had the opportunity to stay in a new hotel downtown for work, and bring a guest. I brought him since he and I were still together. My ex was a smoker, and after we checked in to the hotel room, he plugged his e-cigarette in to charge it. I remember that his e-cigarette was broken and not charging properly, therefore he couldn’t use it. Instead of letting it go, he blamed me. He blamed me for bringing him to an establishment where smoking was not allowed (what hotels in the United States other than those in Las Vegas allow smoking in this day and age?!) where he was “forced” to vape. And at 1 in the morning, he left the hotel and drove away from me.
I realized much, much later that my narcissist ex was using any tactic he could to put me down. I’m a foodie that has a more sophisticated palate than he does, and he knew this. It made him feel inferior, so he had to find a way to put me down. As for the broken vaping pen, he was cheating. And he was looking for a reason, any reason, to storm off from me and disappear.
My biggest regret in life is that I did not tell my ex where he could shove it the very first time he disrespected me. Don’t let your guy continue to disrespect you!!!!
I am so glad that I found this page. I am just trying to leave (again). I knew it wasn’t me that is crazy. Everything that you all say is so spot on. I hope I have the strength this time to leave and stay gone. It is hard to accept that the good times weren’t even real – just manipulation – but I know it’s true.
My NARC:
Locked me out of the house, emptied bank accounts, gave my clothes and personal belongings to Good Will, cancelled my medical insurance and cell phone, changed the license plate on my car and that was just the first week apart from him. I thought I could change him, now all I want to do is change ME.
Wow!! It feels good to finally know the type of person I have been dealing with for the last 1 1/2 year. From the beginning it was off and on. Breaking up before a holiday only to be together the day afterwards…the cheating and the silent treatment afterwards. He would come back when he got ready. The silent treatment and arguments before holidays or events so that we wouldn’t have to attend is soooo familiar! Making me feel like I was responsible for HIS mood swings…like I brought the negative energy! I have cried and tried figuring out what did I do to make him just up and decide he was done one day out of the blue. NOW I know why and it has answered my question of Was it real? For me….yes but for him No. That makes it so much easier for my to move on. He’s a sick person. It has nothing to do with me. I saw all of the signs before hand just didn’t know it wasn’t meant for him to change. I’m just glad I read this article before I drove myself crazy! WOW!!!
35 years married to a huge Narc, 4 children together. He ruined every Christmas by being his miserable, rude, obnoxious self. Wouldn’t ever help unless I “nagged”, last one to the table and the first to leave, no warm fuzzies with him. I ended it by calling the police when he hit me one night and threatened to kill me. It’s been 3 years, HE is the victim. He didn’t even try to make amends. Doesn’t even contact our grown children, expects them to come running to him, which they won’t because he was never a “Dad” It’s such a awful thing. I’m in the process of divorcing him. He’s made everything so much harder and worse than it needed to be. He destroyed us both financially. He’s a liar, manipulator, gas lighter, I know all of this now, and yet it’s still so very hard to put myself back together. To anyone starting a relationship with someone who makes you feel bad, treats you poorly, let’s you down, WALK AWAY NOW. You can’t change them! You cannot love them enough to help them. DO NOT feel sorry for them no matter how many sad tales they tell you!! It will end, they will destroy you….sometimes it takes 35 years….maybe more….but eventually they will leave you broken and battered and wishing you’d never given them a second, third chance all those years ago.
I’m sorry thank you for saying that you have friends you are brave to divorce him he hit you once he might do something worse escalate the violence I’m new to this but you need another place to live during the divorce process then messed up your life made your life hell take care of yourself if you feel unsafe pack up and leave loony bins aren’t lousy you’ll be safe in the loony bin get a restraining order as well you nailed that you cannot fix them you need to hide from him during the divorce say he hit you are afraid he might do worse I wish for you safety and peace I’m going to pray you survive this whole mess
Larry , marie, karen..
Thank you for your wise words, prayers, care and advice.. Its so so hard.. i feel like im under some horrible spell… I know deep down that these people are incapable of ever giving true love respect honesty .. returning what we have given them .. I have never experienced anything like this before .. but everytime i miss him and think of all the good times i change my mindset and thoughts and think of all the pain, trauma , hurt , tears .. because so much bad outways the crumbs of good .. i feel starved.. hungry for love ..
he keeps telling me that no body will ever love me the way he does .. that im making the biggest mistake of my life by running away from him .. a therapist i saw once ( ive seen several over the last 5 years of being with him) once gave me a great analogy which i always remember ..
she drew a stick figure of me standing at a well.. crying .. because i was thirsty , so thirsty , desperate for water .. but the well was dry .. empty .. no water .. and there will never be water in this well .. she said .. she then asked me what i should do ?? Should i keep standing at this well , crying for water .. ?? I replied .. no .. im going to go find another well that is filled with water ..
We all need to find someone who is filled with love respect loyalty honesty..because they are out there .. we just have to make the right choices now .. be kind to ourselves .. and keep moving forward and never go back .. i hope you all stay strong and find someone worthy of what you all and we all deserve ..
Isn’t it amazing how we could all be talking about the same person. Once you see the pattern it becomes obvious that these Ns have a severe personality disorder.
My son’s father had exactly the same excuses; birthdays and other celebrations don’t mean anything to him, it’s only a commercial racket, etc etc. And if they do buy you pressies there’s always something really off about them. I can’t begin to count the amount of weird gifts I’ve received. Don’t get me wrong…I’m not and never have expected something expensive or grandiose, and am happy for the thought…but that’s just it, there’s rarely any thought put into the giving. I’ve had things which were broken (including several statues with ears chipped off, and from different Ns at different times too, lol) or inappropriate stuff (some meant for children). An Ex Nbf once discussed a camera lens he wanted to buy and asked me my opinion. After discussing the pros and cons (it was very expensive, around £800), and deciding to buy it, he started talking about christmas presents and asked if I wanted some new strings for my guitar (costing £2). You couldn’t make this stuff up! Christmas never happened with him, as he finished with me before then…I was asking too many questions and querying his behaviour. But looking back, I can see now that he was trying to train me that his needs were far more important than my own and that I wasn’t worth much more than around two quid. I can’t tell you how grateful I am that the fall-out from that bloke sent me somewhat doolally, culminating in counselling and being able to work through the problems that caused me to go for these kind of men in the first place.
My ex- husband narcissist would buy everyone’s gifts in advance including his own. He was also a hoarder and loved to shop. He never gave our children the pleasure of picking out a gift for mom or each other at a store. He would simply pull out his arsenal of stuff that he had already bought and would tell the kids…. pick a gift for you mom from here or for each other. He also had his own arsenal of gifts for himself in which he would show me about 30 things he had already bought for himself. I was to present these items to my kids for them to choose what they wanted to give their dad. He did this as long as I was married to him (20 years).He would also buy me gifts that he really wanted and said they were gifts to me. He loved art and would gift me expensive pieces of art that he wanted. Gift giving with a narcissist was not joyful.
Yup – Gift giving for the Narcissist is a huge thrill! That is – how miserable and sad can they make everyone else. One of my favorite memories is being told that he couldn’t get me a gift (for birthday, Christmas….)because he didn’t know what to get me and didn’t want to upset me…..so he just didn’t get anything! Or, another classic – Valentine’s Day is for those people that expect things. If I expect things from him then he is only giving me things or attention because he has to and not because he wants to or feels like it. I listened to such backwards excuses and believed them! Not only that, but I held my breath for when he finally DID “feel” like giving me something. Guess what? That never came!
Oh Savannah, Thanks again.
Exactly how is was every Christmas, only with my X she would drink from 8am in the mornings and not stop so I would be the driver all day. Walked on egg shells all day, worrying and making sure she was okay.
Last Christmas wow, worse one ever. My eldest son & my X didn’t get on. They used to but after so many times of Xxxxxxx kicking me out, making us sell our home and then me becoming sick. My son said no more and for a long time I didn’t speak to my eldest son because she didn’t want me too and turned it around to say he was the mean one to me (and I believed her)
Anyway, getting to last Christmas, we had organised to spend the morning with her family (I drove) we would spend midday with her daughters father (I drove), then we would finish up at my daughters house in the afternoon and stay the night…Sounds perfect, until I said “baby I’m just going to drop you home for an hour and I will go see my eldest son and wife and my grandchildren then I’ll come back and get you and we will go to my daughters house”
DISASTER….I got abused she destroyed the house the Christmas tree the walls. I was a complete mess and cried the whole time I was with the kids. I lasted about 10 mins with them.
She said it was all my fault because I shouldn’t have left her in that state.
But I went back home made her happy and we stayed home together on our own till she went to sleep.
Rose….I know exactly how you feel, going through it. Its been six months since I left and the NC only lasts about 2 weeks. Its so hard but thanks to all the people on this website I’m trying to think of the bad and stay angry for longer instead of just remembering the good and missing her like crazy and wanting her back.
As Savannah has said…If someone has betrayed you once that should be all the chances they ever get with you and one of the first boundaries you set for yourself.
9 years of misery that I kept going back for.
I have to stay strong this time. Love Karen
Thank you , this article could be written about my situation , with my ex .You have strengthened my resolve. No contact ever again
The last two paragraphs really hit home with me. I have not ben able to trust N for anything; she so often backs out at the last minute. After basically being NC for more than a year I was hovered and sucked back in. We made plans for a holiday getaway to Las Vegas; paid for it and booked the trip. Two days later she backed out!!! And the excuse was a lot of gas lighting double talk! This isn’t the first time a trip has been ruined either. I KNOW I can’t trust her yet get sucked in the vortex. We’re broken up again already. I’ve had it with that cruel, vile and crazy N.
do you have proof you paid for that stuff just sue the woman or the amount you paid that you prove you did and court costs then you get to bank that stuff to go on your own vacation sue her then dump her you seem sensitive that’s why she does it knows it’ll hurt so do something you know will hurt her big time. A law suit. then judge can say there is a restraining order then get a new number for your phones then another email then throw away mail from her after a restraining order she can be thrown in jail for coming near you again
I always thought it was me, I used to make no end of excuses for him. When I finally left after 17 years, imagine my surprise to find he had gone to his daughters house , for her first Christmas in her new home and he had to leave because he fell out with her in-laws, the first time he met them! Holidays were always horrendous, we ended up travelling first class to minimise the likelihood of problems during the flight , he still had issues with who was sitting next to him, the food or the service, the only upside for me was I could spend 9 hours in my own pod ignoring his demands and watching what I wanted on the TV, something denied me the rest of the time. I am slowly after 3 years , reprogramming myself to believe that holidays can be enjoyable and not something to be endured.
The best advice I was ever given was to go no contact. It has been four years of no contact on my part and I am happy. He stalked me until about a year ago.
There is no treatment or cure for their mental illness. That statement became my mantra to remain steadfast with no contact. They are incapable of change. It is not something they can do. Any action that appears as change is simply manipulation.
No contact is hard in the beginning, but it is the ONLY way to break free. You will get over the person once you no longer under their spell. Time really does heal.
Other wise words that were given to me, although they hurt at the time, forced me to see things as they truly were….”The person does not love you, only used you.” It is NOT you. They are incapable of loving anyone.
Best wishes to those going through this. It is difficult, but there is light at the end of the tunnel, once no contact begins. Peace to all.
Yes! Exactly how it was! This is a great reminder of how my two years with my X narcissist was…..he ruined EVERY holiday and my son’s wedding! They never change no matter what you do! He loved blaming his moods on me! I was the only other person around so it must be me! Crazy making at it’s best. Love yourself because they can’t.
Thank you for this timely article. You’re so right on, it explains what happened to me just yesterday. We were cozy one minute and found I myself in a silent treatment the next.
I tried to open a conversation, I admit I was a little pushy being shocked by his reaction to one of my comments, but to no avail, he shut me out. I went on to do what I had planned to do and enjoyed my alone time. Your article is a strong reminder of what truly happened. I thought “ah he’ll come around sooner or later” but NO, I recognised his unconscious pattern. OMG the fun is about to begin, we’re 12 days from Christmas. He won’t be reliable for 2 weeks to plan or prepare for this X-Mas. A pattern I’ve experienced many times over 40 years of marriage. I normally do everything by myself because I feel I need to be in the Spirit and follow our family traditions, but now that the light is on, that I see clearly, I’m seriously thinking of not doing anything until he comes around to participate. Wish me luck.
Wow. For every one of our kids’ birthdays he has left all of the planning to me. Then the whole time during their special day he berates me for how I handled it. Then comes off to everyone else as the magnanimous hero that fixed everything I fucked up. He has always thrown tantrums or controlled the holidays. If we visit his family, he is a complete ass to them and me.
Anniversaries, picks a huge fight the gets me shitty flowers and has literally thrown them in my face because I being the terrible person I am I don’t deserve them. For 15 years he worked in other states for a month or two months at a time. Then would come home for two weeks and undo all of my rules and schedules for our three kids. I worked full-time and took care of our three kids on my own. No help. According to him, I was a complete idiot, terrible mom, terrible cook, terrible house keeper. Not that he could be inconveninced enough to step in and assist. That woukd have cut into his sleeping and hanging out with friends. God forbid if I had wanted to make plans of my own. For most of our marriage I had no friends except work. I could never count on him to handle the kids so that I could get a break. I have been controlled and humiliated for 20 years by him. I am co-dependant. Thanks to you I know that now. I left him in June. Unfortunately, I can’t go no contact because of the kids. However, I now work hard to make it only about kids. Of course he still tries and mostly succeds through the kids. I am thankful that now our son who is 18 is finally able to breathe since he no longer lives with his father. I worry constantly for my two daughters who are still caught in the middle. I make a coscious effort every day not to blame or discuss anything with them about their father. I wish I could say he does the same. I am thankful for wonderful friends and my beautiful children and my sisters. They pick me up and keep me going. It is hard. When you mentioned in previous posts that was like an addiction it was an aha moment for me. Thank you. Because you really do question yourself as to whether you are being over sensitive, did I imagine it or am I really that person he tells me I am?
I remind myself constantly that God loves me. I am not perfect, but I am smart, a good mom, caring friend and loving sister and daughter. I would not be blessed with the family and friends that I have.
Oh my gosh, this article describes to a “T” how my ex was! I could calculate almost to the hour when he’d start acting up like a toddler before my birthday, Christmas, or Mother’s Day. He saved it for the only three days that would have me be someone special, and everything was half-assed after he finally threw me a bone to get me to stop sulking over his lack of caring and ability to make the day meaningful or even just calm. He was the king of drama…shudder…so many negative memories that I’ve been trying to show with my new life partner, because he doesn’t understand why I just shrug off a birthday or Mother’s Day or I don’t get overly excited about Christmas (my favourite time of year). It was ingrained to be ruined for 21 years…that’s hard to shake. But I’m persistent dammit! House is decorated as I always wanted, and my boyfriend gets so excited just watching my face light up as I make our home a beautiful and comforting place this year.
Merry Christmas and happy New Year to you all! Enjoy the season…narcissistic arses be damned!
They are already dammed that is the reason they are the way they are.
This article really cuts to the chase. I’ve dated this man for 2-1/2 years and went thru 2 of my bdays with him and 2 xmas’ son with him. Both years we were not speaking to each other. Basically he blocked me, gave me the silent treatment, caused a fight which was not my doing. The 1st xmas we were going thru patterns which I never knew until later on but we were planning when to get together and both of us were kid free on xmas day but he was I want to go for a walk alone so I respected that and we saw each other the day after xmas. He told me that xmas was the worst time fot him cause he had his family and his wife left him for another man and that was when things were good and xmas isn’t the same. So I believed him. The 2nd year he caused a fight over a picture he had sent me and I asked him where the picture was taken , so he was like you are so untrusting and blah blah blah so 2 days before xmas I was devastated! Crazy and it’s December and he’s blocked me and silent treatmet cause I caught him in a lie and he is telling me Tgat I’m delusional, paranoid, that I always like to start something with innocent people, alsoikna bipolar crazy bitch. Also I’m a fucktard I swear to god he’s really making me question myself I can’t take this anymore why the hell does he do this????
@dwab
I dealt with exactly your timeframe and pattern!
My first birthday with him was 6 weeks after we met. It was still in the idealization stage. A few days before he announced “I don’t do birthdays. They aren’t important so dont expect to celebrate”. I thought maybe he was joking, nope. Then three days after my birthday he said “I got you some flowers since you whined so much”.
Christmas was lame with the silent treatments. He made sure I felt nothing special. The first xmas he got me nothing. The second he wrapped up some cookies I like. WTH. Finances were not a problem, his level of effort was!
He made darn sure I knew I wasn’t special. He’d sit and sulk, read, ignore me. One thanksgiving we had a frozen pizza!
I left 4 months ago and went NC 3 months ago. It’s been really hard. But I’m gradually not thinking and wondering about him.
I feel for everyone on this message board. This past Thanksgiving I was stood up. He told me he was on his way and never showed up. I have gone no contact and I refuse to ever speak to him again. He is out of my life. It takes a while to get to this point. I have gone through years of hurt and disappointment. I just had a wake up call. Know that you are so much better than this and deserve the very best life has to offer. Pray, be strong and run as fast as you can. Don’t look back…….
Last Christmas – he brought me to his mother’s house on Christmas- I walked in everyone just starred at me ,he didn’t even introduce me, I was a nervous wreck, I knew no one but his mother who I met a few times. His sister who I knew he didn’t get along with flew in from NJ, she too was cold to me. I sat at the table for the most uncomfortable meal. We were “dating” a year, no one knew anything about me. How we met on match -ironicaly from the same city in NJ, everyone in my family knew about him, although strangely I never brought him around, cause they hated him because of my distress all the time. So Christmas day I’m thinking he’s 53 (never married ) said he “never found the one” – so I’m feeling special – i tell him” I guess you haven’t brought anyone here in awhile” and now that I know he is a narc, he had this strange face like and goes “yeah”, what I know know is that his family was like “he we go another one in his rotation”….And New Years Eve last year, I’m at his place for the weekend – no plans, he says so should I invite Wendall and Randi and we go out for dinner or do you want to be alone- I’m like sure invite them, then he gets a text oh, Wendall is bringing Anna, that’s strange isn’t he dating Randi? He’s bringing both of them. Now I only met Wendall and Randi 2xs and they were clearly a couple. I say who is Anna. Oh someone he met at a bar when we were out. He triggered me to get upset, he knew where my mind would go (although I just figured this out a year later) I didn’t say anything, we go for a walk, and I say I’m going to just go home, he puts on the charm, oh no don’t leave, blah blah blah….he starts a fight and what slips out “it’s not my fault Wendall hits on woman when he is out”….hmmm, I drive 45 mins home, once again upset I call him, he sounds fine, not upset that his so call “girlfriend
‘ just left upset on New Years Eve. But he knows me so well, he knew I wouldn’t come back, so he offers to come get me …why, cause he knew said I’d say no, which I did. By this point he pushed my anxiety and I got sick. What I now know is that text is like you say “a better supply” – I was in the full mess of him at this time. I sat home alone on New Years. I never know what he did. Because as usual a week or two later, we were back together, or whatever that means, never discussed it and he never asked what I did, because, then he’d have to make up his story. He is evil – 80 days NC.
you are brave you might find someone that loves you maybe try dog or a cat lose the jerk and ask what you will do now my recommendation is to get pieces of paper write why you wanted him why you are mad at him read the pieces of paper deciding what you want
O.M.G.!!!!! “The Miserable Face.” I’ve lived looking at that face! ugh
Yes! That Miserable Face!! The arrogant, irritated, haughty look. He rarely made eye contact when I was trying so hard to please him and make a real connection. I was beneath him in his mind. Every special day I got that Face in spades. Grrrr.
Sav..firstly .. thank you all the way from Australia.. your articles remind me why i can never go back to him .. this article has brought back so many sad memories of him just ‘leaving me’ on my own on so many special occassions .. birthdays, NYE, my brothers wedding … NYE spent alone on my couch devastated because he just decided to go on a roadtrip with ‘the boys’ and neglected to tell me . I only found out from a photo posted on social media that he was interstate.. he called me NYE at midnight and told me i was the one he was thinking of and thats why he was on the phone with me , whilst ofcourse he was at a house party and on Tinder the whole time hooking up with other woman .. this was 2 years ago and one of many many stories i could tell you .. and i still took him back .. im now trying my hardest to stay away from him but he wont leave me alone . I cant handle it. He knows how to play at my heart strings .. as he has so many times before and ive weakened and taken him back becuase i so wanted to believe him .. i pray to God and the angels everyday to untangle him from my heart and soul .. i feel sorry for him and picture him sad and lonely .. this is pathetic on my part i know and i get so mad at myself for being this way .. i have to keep reminding myself off all those days and nights i was distraught , on my bathroom lounge room floor devastated crying like a baby because id found out he cheated again and again and again , called me horrible names , made me feel worthless and unloved, switched his phone off , lied and went out partying and having sex with other woman ..
all i did was love him and wanted him to love me back .. now he says he has changed, matured .. that he loves me and wants to fix everything .. how can i believe him .. ive heard it all before .. i have taken him back so many times And given him so many chances ive lost count .. if i take him back all my friends will turn their backs on me .. i will lose them all because they have seen what i have been through .. hes reassuring me this wont happen .. i dont know what to do .. can narcs stop their horrible behaviour? Can i trust him . Help please
Rose: having Narcissists for parents and a narcissist wife, I don’t believe they can change. They can pretend to change, but “they are what they are”. They are born that way and they will die that. I am praying for you for freedom and true love and respect that you deserve.
Larry
@rose
No they can’t and won’t change. It’s their wiring.
I turned myself inside out trying to make it work with a Narc. He could turn it on when necessary but then back to misery. He controlled the mood, atmosphere, feelings, everything by his mood. He decided how it was going to be.
Each time I had hoped I received less in return. It doesn’t get better. This is it, their pattern of living.
Once I went NC, I was erased from his life. He no longer had use for me. THAT is what hurts to this day 3 months later. They just aren’t that deep and people are replaceable, regardless of my perception of the relationship and my true feelings. It’s like having a real relationship in your own mind. I keep telling myself what I loved wasn’t real.
We have to decide if this is the future we want. And when we are ready, we leave, and its incredibly hard to do and full of second guessing.
I’m sorry you are hurting from this we’ll make friends don’t you wish bad things upon these people like they’d get embarressed end up in the hospital eventually their past will haunt them thanks for saying that
Ms. Rose since you have no last name at the moment I barely know you he’s a jerk in my opinion that you’d be better off without regardless he’s hurt you now you need to think about why you think you want or need him or why these friends matter anyway in my opinion he doesn’t respect you at all is not worth your love you are inompaitable my phone is off mostly to save the charge in case I need it for emergencies ask yourself is taking him back good for you?