Healing isn’t for the faint of heart. It’s hard work. In fact, it’s up there, amongst the hardest work you will ever do in your life. Most people have spent their lifetimes hiding from their childhood trauma. Dredging it up from the recesses of your memory and reliving it, are not really on most people’s to do list.
At the heart of self-esteem is action. It’s the implementation of self-care behaviors, that determine how one values themselves.
What that means is, If I do not love and value myself I may partake in activities that are self-punishing, and self-harming. Conversely, if I love myself, my behaviors will reflect love, respect and care for my well-being.
Breaking up is hard to do. Unrequited love has inspired more works of art than anything else on earth. For many, letting go of a relationship is a lot more than just detaching from a person. It can mean having to let go of an ideal, a dream or fantasy, a lifestyle, or family and friends. For other’s, it could be as difficult as getting over an addiction, or something so painful that it leaves us feeling emotionally crippled.
Many recovering Codependents find themselves completely uninterested in starting a new relationship. They struggle with the fear of being powerless and caught, once again, in a Narcissist’s trap. Many build up walls and refuse to let people in. They’ve become emotionally unavailable and distrusting of anyone looking to get close to them. Their armor is thick and impenetrable.
“Self-Acceptance is my refusal to be in an adversarial relationship with myself.” -Nathaniel Brandon
Toxic shame comes from growing up in an environment where we are taught that there are parts of us that are so ugly, so despicable, so abnormal and so grotesque that they must by hidden and tucked away and never discussed, acknowledged or brought to light – ever.
“Those who don’t know the value of loyalty can never understand the cost of betrayal.” – Unknown
The worst part about betrayal is that it doesn’t come from your enemies, it comes from people you know and trust. It is one of those character-defining actions that speak volumes about a person’s integrity. Likewise, your behavior following a betrayal also speaks volumes about your emotional health.
Savannah Greyis a Hypnotherapist, Divorce Coach, Consultant, Freelance Writer, Self-Love Advocate, Sports Fanatic, and Philosopher. She has a degree in Psychology and is the founder of www.esteemology.com, a website dedicated to educating and healing survivors of abusive relationships.