Is it the chicken or the egg? Do you love yourself first and then act like it, or do you act like it and then self-love follows? Or can you be in both spaces at the same time?

Healing isn’t for the faint of heart.  It’s hard work. In fact, it’s up there, amongst the hardest work you will ever do in your life.  Most people have spent their lifetimes hiding from their childhood trauma.   Dredging it up from the recesses of your memory and reliving it, are not really on most people’s to do list.

At the heart of self-esteem is action. It’s the implementation of self-care behaviors, that determine how one values themselves.

What that means is, If I do not love and value myself I may partake in activities that are self-punishing, and self-harming. Conversely, if I love myself, my behaviors will reflect love, respect and care for my well-being.  

The Law of Addiction: Any re-engagement with an addictive substance, by a recovering addict, will cause an automatic re-addiction.

Implementing the No Contact rule, on a toxic relationship, gives us a measure of control, over a relationship that seems, very much, out of our control.

Breaking up is hard to do. Unrequited love has inspired more works of art than anything else on earth. For many, letting go of a relationship is a lot more than just detaching from a person. It can mean having to let go of an ideal, a dream or fantasy, a lifestyle, or family and friends. For other’s, it could be as difficult as getting over an addiction, or  something so painful that it leaves us feeling emotionally crippled.

Many recovering Codependents find themselves completely uninterested in starting a new relationship. They struggle with the fear of being powerless and caught, once again, in a Narcissist’s trap. Many build up walls and refuse to let people in. They’ve become emotionally unavailable and distrusting of anyone looking to get close to them. Their armor is thick and impenetrable.

“Self-Acceptance is my refusal to be in an adversarial relationship with myself.”   -Nathaniel Brandon

Toxic shame comes from growing up in an environment where we are taught that there are parts of us that are so ugly, so despicable, so abnormal and so grotesque that they must by hidden and tucked away and never discussed, acknowledged or brought to light – ever.