One of the tell-tale signs of low self-esteem is how one reacts to rejection. Do you pick up and move on quickly? Do you beg and plead and try to change their mind? The way you behave depends upon where you lie within a spectrum of three different types, the Move-Oners, the Validation-Seekers, or the Revengers.

So much time, energy and emotion is spent trying to understand why emotional manipulators do what they do. The answer has never been a secret. It’s always been in plain sight, but perhaps due to its simplicity and our inability to relate, we shrug it off and continue the search for some way where we can blame ourselves.

By spending holiday’s together, taking family trips, and outwardly expressing love and respect, celebrity co-parenting really looks awesome. Unfortunately, it’s not the reality for most divorced couples and it’s an impossibility for those who share children with a Narcissist.

Is it the chicken or the egg? Do you love yourself first and then act like it, or do you act like it and then self-love follows? Or can you be in both spaces at the same time?

Healing isn’t for the faint of heart.  It’s hard work. In fact, it’s up there, amongst the hardest work you will ever do in your life.  Most people have spent their lifetimes hiding from their childhood trauma.   Dredging it up from the recesses of your memory and reliving it, are not really on most people’s to do list.

At the heart of self-esteem is action. It’s the implementation of self-care behaviors, that determine how one values themselves.

What that means is, If I do not love and value myself I may partake in activities that are self-punishing, and self-harming. Conversely, if I love myself, my behaviors will reflect love, respect and care for my well-being.  

The Law of Addiction: Any re-engagement with an addictive substance, by a recovering addict, will cause an automatic re-addiction.

Implementing the No Contact rule, on a toxic relationship, gives us a measure of control, over a relationship that seems, very much, out of our control.