I can recall, early in my dating career, many occasions where I really let myself down. There were plenty of cringe-worthy moments where I would let something slide or hold something in and never stand up for myself. My love interest would say or do something completely inappropriate and I knew if I spoke up it would mean a huge fight and the end of that relationship. It wasn’t that I didn’t know I was being disrespected and it wasn’t that it didn’t hurt me deeply, but my fear of rejection and abandonment was greater than my need to be treated with love and respect.
Kristie and Steve had been seeing each other on and off for almost 4 years. It has really been more off than on and she has even gone as long as 7 months without any contact, but, “As always,” she says, “He pulls me back in.” The relationship was full of other women, hot and cold spells, disrespect, using and an infinite number of lies. All good reasons in and of themselves to end the relationship.
Last week we talked about the ways in which a Narcissist creates dependency. This week I wanted to finish off the segment by introducing ways to break out of that dependency.
Nepoleon Hill, author of Success Through A Positive Mental Attitude, calls it, ‘removing the
Denial is a big part of Codependency – denial that anything is wrong, denial of your feelings, denial about your childhood, denial about your romantic partners…whichever way you slice it there is a lot of incongruity between a codependent’s perceived reality and reality itself.
“Courage is resistance to fear, not absence of fear.” -Mark Twain
Fear, it can be debilitating. It can keep us from ever changing, growing and becoming who we were meant to be. Fear keeps us stuck. It’s a painful emotion that stems from the belief that some thing or action is going to cause us pain or discomfort.
Last weekend was my ex-Narcissist’s birthday and I’m the one that ended up with the present. Let me preface this by saying I have no interest in what my ex is doing. I don’t care where he is. I don’t follow him on social media. I have no clue what he’s up to and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I have made it very clear to friends that I don’t want to hear about his endeavors and they have all respected my wishes, except for last weekend.
Ghosting, the silent treatment, the disappearing act, radio silence – no matter what you call it, when your partner makes the decision to cut you off that’s a huge flag that speaks volumes about the kind of person you’re involved with and it’s a very tangible act that requires your immediate attention.
About the Author
Savannah Grey is a Freelance Writer, Hypnotherapist, Sports Fanatic and Philosopher. She has a degree in Psychology and is the founder of esteemology.com, a website dedicated to educating and healing survivors of abusive relationships.